My fiance (if I can even call him that anymore) has resorted to lying about where he goes. Then I only find out when he gets random texts from people thanking him for stopping by on his way home and he asks me to check his phone for him. Not only that, I don’t like the way he talks to his female coworkers, but he doesn’t find it a problem and has called me “retarded” for being jealous and hurt. I’ve been with him for so long. It’s not a thing that lasted a year or two, or even four. Much longer than that. He […]
Tag:
goes
I forgot what it feels like to write. I decided to start writing almost everyday again starting now. I just wanna get all my feelings out. I havent been here in awhile. 2 months but it seems like something always brings me back. I like all of you. You know what i go through. No one else understands. Yes i should be thankful that i have people in my life when some don’t have any but even if they are here. Are they really here? My parents are oblivious and believes that mental illnesses are not real. My dad once told me that if i […]
a man died and went to hell. after wandering around for a while, he ran across the devil. the man said ” ya know, devil, ive been here for awhile, and its really boring. do you have anything to do down here?” the devil looked at the man and said “why, of course we do. do you like to drink?” the man said “yes, yes i do like to drink”. the devil replied ” on mondays, we drink as much as we want,from dawn to dark, whatever flavor you want,beer, wine, whiskey.” the devil continued,” do you like to do drugs?” the man said ” […]
I am a misanthropist! Full of hatred towards the human race. To me this life is counterfeit, full of bullshit from the little specks of atoms that we are in this unfathomably large universe. I am in no way religious, I do not believe in shit other than we’ll find the truth out when we individually die. Just a rant from my crippled ass. Be well to all on this site, every second that goes by we are closer to the end of this existence (like it or not – tick fucking tock:-)
Dear whoever,
Is there even anybody who reads this? Or maybe we’re all just self indulgent in our misery :/
Anyway here I am, this is new. I feel silly. My boyfriend abuses me. Mostly emotionally but sometimes physically. It’s not stopping.
Tbh I must be really unlucky or been a dictator in my past life. I was adopted because my parents were too young and too high on some kind of drug, I don’t know which they never told me. Unfortunately my adopted parents weren’t…great? Well my mum mainly, but I blame my dad more because he knew she was hurting me but ignored it.
So I guess […]
Still alive. I was planning on doing it almost a month ago. But then there was my sister’s wedding, and once that passed, I realized the holidays were fast approaching. Then there are my students, too. I teach at a local community college, and I rather like my students. And whether they like me or not, losing a teacher mid-semester is bound to be traumatic.
As much as I want to kill myself, I feel the need to wait for a better time for the people I’m leaving behind. Everytime I walk across the bridge near my apartment, I fantasize about jumping off. I don’t know […]
*WARNING LONGEST STORY + RANT EVER ABOUT FIGHT WITH FAKE FRIENDS*
So once again I am taken advantage of and treated like shit for it. I try to be a good person and this is what I get. So I was friends with four girls, their initials are S,M,ME, and E, because i don’t want to use their real names. I was friends with them for almost a year and I noticed that even at lunch, M stopped talking to me. And a few days later, E told me M said “I need to talk to you about Tara, I am so done with her […]
I fell like I’m walking down a long dark hallway….feeling the walls trying to find the light….searching and searching….never being able to find it….the hallway goes on forever…..never ending but always dark…..sometimes I feel like I’ve found it…a way out…..a door that escapes from the long dark halls….but someone or something keeps pulling me back in…..I’m a prisoner to these dark halls….waiting and waiting for a way out….
Thinking about the past is one of the worst things one can do, once you are alone you start thinking about every problem and struggle you have gone through. Thinking about a situation you want to completely forget about but it will always be there no matter how much time goes by.
And it hurts, it hurts so much.
Because no one ever thinks that that situation was going to ever happen but it did and there is nothing one can really do about it.
If I had a dollar for everytime I have heard someone use that phrase (in reference to anyone, not just me), I would be a millionaire. It is difficult to even dream of getting more “help” when you have taken every medication available for anxiety and depression and talked to a variety of counselors only to have it all blow up in your face. The medication made me put on fifty pounds (which took almost two years to lose) and the last counselor I was seeing told me word for word that I was a selfish coward for even considering suicide. Years later, all of that wasted time, effort and […]
The impact from my chest caving into itself has created the waves that return when my mental state goes out of balance. I’m so lonely it hurts. I used to be so strong and uninterested in love. Now, I find myself thinking it’s the only thing left in the world that will save me.
I wish this world was the same world it used to be. Back then, everybody was allowed to be happy, now, I rarely see anyone truly happy.
I am one of the people that are not truly happy. I don’t even pretend to be happy anymore. I go through my days in a haze of sorrow. People always ask me what’s wrong, pretending that they care. I always lie and say I’m just tired. My boyfriend doesn’t really know about anything that goes on with me.
My family deeply hates me, because I am different from the rest of the kids. I have one real friend, and she doesn’t […]
I am a genderfluid, bisexual (stronger preference for girls), depressed as hell, self harming, masochistic person. The two H’s in life that equal some small degree of happiness are horses and hugs. I got a haircut two days ago that made me feel handsome for the first time ever. But the guy I like didn’t like the new style. Well, that shouldn’t matter but it does. I’m too dependant on others. I need to know if I’ve done something right and self loathe if something goes wrong…
I need a hug. A real one. Instead I cut and grin because my blood runs warm across my […]
That’s gonna be my next tattoo the second I get paid next. “Life goes on”
I want the message to sink in, once and for all. It’s what I need in my life right now.
I strongly feel that this is only something a person has to figure out for themselves. You simply can’t convince some one that their life goes on..you can tell them but will they instantly believe? I don’t think so in many cases.
I wouldn’t ever tell someone life goes on, I can only support them if they feel it’s true or at least if they want to have faith that […]
On my way to hell…I passed a lonely church.. the congregation weakened by the warnings of the words.. scriptures toppling proverbs under a deceitful preacher’s curse.. what would they have to say, as they lay me into dirt… many places you can turn but where he goes is worse… don’t be this man you see inside, instead we close the box for good..lay it down to rest, pave it over as we should..
no need for leaving markers we seek to find one day.. if you listen hard enough, you can hear a dead man say.. heaven never had me, and claims of shallow graves.. […]
“No matter how hard you try there will always be someone better´´ This statement is to do with girls ovcourse, Its something a family member of my age said to me when I told him my story. He said that’s a lesson he’d learnt from his very sad love life story. But i’m not here to tell you his, I’m here to tell you mine and maybe find some confort between all us injured men.
I dont knw where to start… its a very long story (arent they all!..), so i’ll try and summarise: I’d know this girl for 12 years, for two of those we […]
the pain and heartache. no one really cares your supposed to get over it. even if the pain and abuse and mistreatment continues no more crying no more tears life goes on, sure not like this
When you are bipolar life is like a giant roller coaster. You go up and you go down… And if you’re really lucky you hit a plateau and you just sort of coast along for a while… I finally hit a plateau this morning. Yesterday I was so close to life being over… But this morning the fog lifted, and life goes on.
Maybe its just me begging for attention. But people don’t care about me. And the sad thing is.. They lie about it… They hardly bother to even check with me. To see if I’m okay… There goes our Relationship. Thank you for skrewing it up. But I guess that’s what I get for trusting a Lier/Thief.. They told me about you yet they’re befriending .. They’re gonna get hurt.
This is my last post, if everything goes well (or horribly wrong, depends on how you see it I guess).
I’m gonna end things this week since some events happened that made me realize the more I prolong things, the worse it’s for me and everyone around me who have to deal with my sorry ass.
I haven’t told anyone but I felt I should just post a little something here. I don’t know.
Anyway. I hope you all the best, whatever the best means for you.
Goodbye