it hurts to have a roommate who thinks that people are weak for getting help for their mental problems. i have tried and failed on that front, but there are so many people who need it to survive and function normally. i also suspect that her opinions are heavily based in her masking her own mental health issues, which to me are very apparent (i want to say she exhibits signs of either borderline personality or bipolar). yesterday when she came back she told me that she “made a friend,” whatever the fuck that means. she made a friend, nonetheless, and this friend apparently attempted […]
Tag:
good
Honestly i just feel like theres no cure to being me. Despite all my good points i feel like my personality is hollow and empty. Because it was pain and trauma that developed, that shaped who i am completely, to the point its all there is inside me. I was molested as a child, abused and harassed for being anorexic or self harming, dealt with poverty and a severely mentally ill mother often by myself when my father was basically out of the picture, grew up isolated (no school, no friends), i’ve been homeless and just so much shit (some i dont want to get […]
you can never fully be happy in life. for most, we’re born with the bad things in life. some of us grow up without a mother or father, of both. some of us grow up in the terrible parts of the world. without a home, without a family, without clothes, food, an education. some of us just grow up different. these terrible things are what tell us to be appreciative of what we have.. to not be sorry for ourselves and how we feel. I grew up with a family, a roof over my head, food on the table, a mother, father, in a good […]
I want to be loved,
I want to be a good dad
I want to be strong
I want to be creative
I want to be healthy
I want to be happy
I want to be normal
“sorry son. Here’s a beer while you watch other people with those things through this window. enjoy yourself”
Hi
I’m sharing my story, because it seems to make me feel better, which I’d guess is point of this site.
I’ve always had sensitivity, anxiety, and depression issues, (undiagnosed), but often medicated with once drugs and nowadays alcohol as a have a kid which has straightened me out some. I’ve managed to keep a good job, but have generally isolated myself. I’ve had thoughts of suicide in the past, but i’ve generally managed to form some kind of stability in work, sleep overs with my kid and the occassional binge drinking episode. A lonely existance, yet stable for me and also held together with a little […]
Someone told me a few days ago that their birthday was April 20th and that got me thinking about Columbine again. Of course, thinking about Columbine got me started on death and suicide again, so I watched a bunch of videos with shootings ending in suicide, and looking up suicide obituaries. I secretly thought I was moving forward, but I guess I’m not. I tried to look up how to tie a bedsheet noose, but it’s a lot different than an actual noose, judging by the photos online. I wasn’t even feeling suicidal until I started trying to make it, and then it just hit […]
I don’t know how much longer i can keep faking a smile. Whether it be at school, home, with friends and family I don’t think i can keep it up much longer. I might end up running away and never coming back..
I don’t know what to do. I bet nobody would care or notice if I left anyways
Why don’t I pack up and leave for good? :/ I am alone as it is anyways….
I see every single imperfection that comes along with me…hopeing that maybe one day I’ll find a way to fix it…but I know I’ll never be good enough….not for anyone else but myself….I’ll always find something else to pick on…
if you were reading me i’d be scared because then you’d really know how bad I get without you how bad I’ve been but I guess I enjoy the satisfaction that even if you read how crazy I was you’d at least find out how you were the only one who kept me sane for a little while. Sane is probably the wrong word HAPPY? HEALTHY? I don’t know lively to say the least. You see without you I see how filthy the world has become you were the best distraction you were the only good man my only good man. Oh how we talked […]
I told my wife that last week I was deeply depressed, and we processed by feelings. If I had told her that I was severely depressed that would have had undesirable and unintended consequences. This morning I told her that I felt better which in some self-delusional sense is true. But I also told her that I thought of suicide, and it’s as if she was shocked. Last year I had a major depressive episode and had acute suicidal ideations. I told her that I expected that I would suffer with suicidal thoughts at least for the foreseeable future and maybe even for the […]
Remember that time when you were truly happy. Truly happy despite all the crap in your life. Truly happy despite the people that wanted to see you sad. Especially happy for the people that liked to see you happy. So incredibly happy, that you didn’t even realize you were happy. You just were there, and everything was more or less alright.
wasn’t that a good time.
…
now you have a burden to carry.its all you can think about.
Sometimes it’s not always about your surroundings and situations. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate myself. I have my good and bad days like everyone else. If I’m honest though, I can’t stand myself. I can hardly find a single positive attribute of myself. That is simply the fact of it for me. My life has been a series of shitty decisions on my part, situations/circumstances/incidents that have crippled me and/or haunted me. I’ve always told myself that there are people who have it worse and not to be a baby. I have done most everything I can think of […]
the prophet of lost causes, the broken, andthe drunks, bukowski n his apostles
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
when i think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird….i think of dying
lay me down in a field of flame and heather,
render up my body into the burning heart of god
in the belly of a black winged bird- Adam duritz
in the beginingwas the myth. God, in his search for self expression, invested the souls of
hindus, greeks, and germans with poetic shapes and continues to invest each childs soul with poetry every day.-hesse, Peter camenzind
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t […]
i always wonder how it was to have friend, how is it to have people that cares for you or that would actually give a shit if tomorrow they woke but you didn’t. how is it really, cause all i know is that I’ve always been alone all me life and never really had any affection from someone other then myself, lol funny cause even myself don’t like myself, so i never loved or felt loved, i always wonder how it felt, like does you really think of the person all the time, do you really do things for the good of that person, does […]
I have everything I ever wanted,
No… seriously , I do. Yet it feels like nothing, I hurt all the time and just want to sleep, cry and sleep. The hardest part is that it just makes me hate myself even more, the doctors say “depression” and give me pills that don’t work, the friends say it’s because I work too hard and suggest a drink (like I need ANOTHER addiction in my life to battle, one that is socially acceptable, cheap and everywhere, and I thought heroine was hard to stay away from). The saddest part of all of this is that I see myself […]
I am fairly new here. I found this website in my darkest days and I am not sure if it is gonna make everything better or worse but it is good to read people’s experiences and have a chance to help them. I can say that I have survived and strayed from the darkest version of myself. I hope I can help you also! I am here when you need me. I mean it.
That sharp stab of betrayal. From someone you thought that knew how to differ from right and wrong and what was good and evil. Now you don’t know who to trust anymore. It’s painful. It hurts. Ouch.
Depression hits you hard in the face its like a hard slap. However hard you try to not let it get you down it still will and it will drag you harder and faster down that deep black hole, people will tell you how easy it is to get you out the hole and that life gets better but ive been a good person yet still nothing good has came my way im just gonna be alone all my life and no one should give a shit because im not a person anyone should waste their time on i just need to leave this awful […]
Why am I here on this planet? I hate being alive, I hate waking up each morning. Why am I here!? Why did God put me on this Earth? Why am I always so sad? I don’t deserve to be here, I’m an awful person. I’ve done nothing good so far in my life. I’ve only caused pain. Pain to the ones who care about me and love me. Why do I hurt the ones I love? I wish God would have given my healthy body to someone who is sick and dieing. They deserve it. I’m not doing anything good to my 16 year […]
Few weeks ago I stumbled on this website while researching on how to commit suicide and different ways to do so. I was in a very dark place in my life where I felt like suicide was the way to go.
I have felt emotionally depressed over a year ago when my boyfriend at the time and I broke up. At the time, I felt like the whole world was crashing down. I started to fail dramatically in school by not attending classes and not paying attention. I never had good relationship with my family because I was always a disappointment to them (no I didn’t just […]