turning my pain into something creative, and made a music video. watch please.
My name is Scott Teller, I am far from a professional, I don’t even know what I’m doing really. However, I am genuinely offering my time to talk to you, or just listen to anything that is on your mind. If you would like to talk to me personally instead of on this forum my email is iwilltalk2you@gmail.com. I hope to hear from you soon.
A chain made of halos from fallen angels binds me to the darkness
An existence subdued by the malignance that stalks from within
The pain envelops me, wringing out these last few drops of hope
Unspoken torment feasts on the binding of my soul
Shadows lurking in the corners of my mind, undetected, waiting for my weakest moment
The assault, like a flame to paper, is instant and unforgiving
That bright flicker soon gives way to the smoking ash of defeat
The remnants of my rumination scatter in the wind
The ghost of a breath, […]
Every night i go to my backyard to clean our pool, pick up after thdaog ect. and every night i see orion’s belt. Im not too into to science and stars but i cant help but smile when i see it. If ur not familiar with it, its 3 stars in a stairght line that make up the “belt” of the stick figure orion. For some reason seeing it every night, it just gives me hope…i mean if its a clouldy overcast night i still find it…wierd right? And i know im too old to be wishing on stars but sometimes i cant help […]
I hate feeling the way that ”we” do. I hate feeling so sad and lonely all the time. I hate having to pretend all the time, transforming myself into someone else in order to “fit in” and be liked. I just want to let it all out, let the darkness take over and let the world see how depressed and messed up i really am.
I was raped many times by my older brother when i was younger. But i was so young that i didn’t know what rape was, and so i i thought it was okay what my brother made me do and […]
What society and God expects of me is hard. i don’t know if i can bear this burden, but no matter how sad i get i cannot give up.
Two daggers pierced through my heart and tore up my soul;Â
My heart bleeds;Â
My body lay still;Â
Numbness consumes me,
Yet I continue to breathe mindlessly.Â
It is a battle between life and death.Â
I ask myself Why?
I faint voice inside of me whispers to me that it is the ray of hope that lays dormant deep within my soul.Â
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 […]
One word.
Obssessed.
With love.
Being loved.
Being cared about.
Being important.
Being noticed.
Prove I’m worthy.
Given a chance.
That’s all I want.
Why am I so different??
I want to be
A diamond in someones eyes.
Beautiful.
Loved.
Cared.
But it’s not gonna
Happen to me.
I’m not beautiful.
I’m not loved.
I’m not cared for.
I’m just someone
In the background.
Unimportant.
Unnoticed.
Not gonna sit here and spill my guts about why my life is terrible. If you’re here, you most likely looked up suicide. Feelin’ pretty good right now. It’s Saturday, nobody is home, it’s just getting dark, and I’ve just returned from every bookstore in the area spending money I had no real right to. It’s not to say that being depressed and wanting to end yourself will get you everything you want. Depression is deep, soul-shattering at it core, even if you don’t know it. Every time your heart pumps blood through your body, it aches to know you’re still alive. But you are. […]
I have just recently found this website. I navigated around on it a little and decided to make an account. For now I don’t want to share my full story but maybe one that will help bring at least a little hope to some people out there.
Ever since I was younger I had depression issues. I remember the times where the worst when I was probably in 8th or 9th grade. It got to the point where I would play games with myself, I convinced myself that no one cared about me and therefor my existence was pointless. I would go to school and actually […]
I hate life so fucking much. I hate everything. I want to die so much, I want to hurt, I want the shit beaten out of me, I want to have reasons for wanting to kill myself but I have none, and I have like, two friends left after The Betrayal.
But i cant do it.
I cant kill myself, Im afraid, not of death itself, but leaving oppurtunities.
I want first love, first kiss, first time, I want to see my little cousins grow up with me there.
But I hate life.
I have a house, food, clothes, family, all that you basically need.
Ive been depressed for a while, Im 14 years old and done with all the ‘all teenagers go through this phase’ bullshit. Ive gone psychologist to psychologist, from hospital to hospital, and happy pills. Im not depressed for any good reasons. I have a house. I have food. I have clothes. Im for the most part healthy. But i cry over the stupidest things, like how i look.
I was thinking about the fight with my ex-friends that caused me to drop out of school (im considering homeschool or just running away, even ‘therapeutic boarding school’ if we can afford it). I start crying everytime i […]
I feel ridiculous, having searched for a place to share my innermost feelings and thoughts of suicide…
I’m 14 years old, and have horrid self-esteem/confidence issues. I find myself repulsive, but yearn for love. I get no support from my family, not even my twin sister who hates me for getting attention i dont want. I go to a psychologist who tells me to go to school.
Did i mention i sort of dropped out, except i go every once in a while after my parents beat me.
I hurt so badly, over nothing. I have a house, food in my cupboards, clothes, im not […]
It would take hundreds of pages to try and explain everything leading up to what happened at about 10PM, November 7th, 2010 so I think I’ll try to summarize what had been going on in my life.
Ok, so I’m technically a College freshman since, even though I’ve done the whole college thing through Running Start and am considered Junior status, I still have never lived hundreds of miles away from home at a school.
Anyway, for the past year and I half I’ve been off and on dating this amazing, wonderful guy. Then, at the end of the very first week of classes, Friday (and more […]
I’ve read through some of these posts at various times in my struggles. I’ve turned here when I was done and ready to plan a way out. I’ve turned here when I really needed to see raw emotion, to help me understand my own. I’ve turned here to see that I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. I wasn’t the only one going through something that I felt like there was no end to…
I know if you’re at this site and reading these, you’re either looking for tips on what method or you’re looking for someone to say “I’ve been there, it gets better.”
Let me be […]
When I was younger I thought that physicians were like God. They seemed to know everything and there was nothing they could not fix or cure.
Then I grew up. Doctors are nothing but very well pain morons who know nothing; they are anything but like God. They give people false hope that all will be okay, all the while thinking about their big pay check while I am in pain and severe distress.
Time to go to sleep and forget these useless beings called Doctors.
Like so many other posters on here, I suffer from bouts of severe depression, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal tendencies. I came across this site recently during one of my suicidal episodes, and found an unexpected solace in the posts. I want to contribute in hopes of giving back.
One thought that calms me is the realization that a thousand years from now, no one and no thing will know of our personal failures, flaws, or demons. None of our individual actions will have made a significant dent in the world, none of our lives will be relevant in the scheme […]
I will firstly try to be brief, and to-the-point with what I’m going to say here
(it’s not an easy thing, especially since I’m not that good of a writer, and secondly, English is not my first language ie: I am from Indonesia, and don’t ask why I can get to this website!…it’s strange, I know. internet is amazing).
It’s been a week that I’ve accidentally found this website, and ever since then following many posts & threads here. I will say this again & again: that I’ve found so many sincere, honest, and also the most heartfelt and even most eye-opening, mind-shifting posts/threads and ideas […]
Some of the thoughts & responses have really reshaped my perspective on life, humanity, truth, and pain.
But unfortunately, I got so depressed again at how humanity & mankind in REALITY are progressing.
I just looked at the latest update regarding Splinter’s story, and my chest suddenly feels so heavy, that I can’t explain it by mere words. Even I have such a very HARD time to sit in front of computer, and write another reply/comment,..and especially fueled with some unfortunate ‘flame wars’ here showed me of how differing each person’s perspective is,..and it makes me eventually ponder, think, and ask this ultimate question, that […]