Oracle, where are you. The apex, so- so long ago.
I have done my time. Now, faith is in the hand.
Do not defect me any longer. You, touch of life.
Grand goddess. Twist the codex, today. One, for transcendence.
A war of heaven versus hell, lost, our beginning.
It makes no sense. Fish, a world without a true leader.
Oh, other woman, take us to the land.
Carrying the boulder, of the world. Heal, to become strong.
But here, but now, forever lost.
Born to protect the world, now the devil’s.
We’ve exiled your alien, do not come back to our planet.
The star […]
Does anybody else think of jumping in front of a train every time you hear the sound of it or see it?
Think of jumping in front of every moving car? Crashing your car? Lying down in the freeway?
Think of jumping off every high height you see?
Think of stabbing yourself?
Think of hanging yourself?
Triggered into suicidal thoughts through anything you could possibly hurt yourself with?
Want to get a gun and shoot yourself and be gone forever?
How about every time an ambulance goes by, you think, why that person and not me? I want to die. Give me some way out, please.
Think of drowning and suffocating and water […]
I looked into a moisture covered mirror, saw a empty reflection of me. I was bothered, I was aware, I was committed. I was not going to wake up from this one. Fabric in hand, slip knot created, over my head and around my neck. Firmly in place, other end put over the door edge, I was in the right place, I was going to watch myself in the mirror slowly hang myself to the end. Red to purple face, veins projecting strongly, eyes growing larger and redder, oxygen depleting, knees weakening. F this, something is keeping me from completing. Another attempt, another failure…Still I […]
Anyone affected by my death,forgive me…
First of,I want to clear the fact that this is not an impulsive action.
I have been thinking about taking my own life for a long time now.This is NOT an impulsive decision.
I have tried to get better,but I failed…Only choice I got left is to start a new life…in the
afterlife…
I have tried to make people understand how I feel.Nobody cared.I guess I am a pathetic idiot,so there’s
no wonder people would not care.I mean,who would care about someone as pathetic as me?
I have tried to be a better person,and I failed.I failed as a son,I […]
I need to flee SoCal.
I am the black dragon.
To heal my wound scales.
The faith, where is the wagon.
Twelve, the number is zero.
Now, in the age of oblivion.
Yet to be, another hero.
Welcome, our faith of destruction.
Fate, have you ever heard of the undead.
I live, here I am. Messiah in the dark, read my palm.
The heart of the ultimate scale, inside of me.
A turbulent chaotic beast, the rage of hell.
Peace like a saint.
Faith is my sword. My rotting flesh, sworn to be vowed.
Like Cyclops, inborn half-man and half-weapon.
My mission. My battle. My war. Forever until […]
I went to the roof of my five storey building. I stood on the ledge. I wonder if that is enough. I don’t want to wake up in the hospital.
I do care. I do. I care so much I go all in, surrender every ounce of being to them.
They never do. They don’t care.
And I’m tired. Tired of being the only ones who pulls all the weight around here.
It has been awhile since I thought about something remotely close to the end of my life cycle, but I don’t think I can see that far ahead. I doubt anyone can, unless, of course, one is terminally ill and the end is really nigh. In fact, things in my life have been so randomly confusing or misleading, that sometimes, it feels better to keep my eyes closed; to look inward beyond the void of nothingness; to find a piece of serenity through meditation; to feel the weightlessness of sleep only to wake up in what appears to be a dream. Sometimes, I wake up […]
I cry,
and it hurts,
like acid streaming down my face,
tattooing the trails,
as they flow down my cheeks,
and drip from my chin.
The knife stings,
as i slice deep into my arm,
I smile,
and the blood runs warm,
then I go numb.
The darkness fades away to black,
and my body tenses,
I can hear someone screaming,
far off in the distance,
screaming,
yelling my name,
I try to respond,
but I cant,
I cant move,
I cant make a sound.
Then,
I realize what I have done,
and I stand,
looking over my cold lifeless body,
as you,
come and hold my hand,
Hello, before I begin I’d like to say thank you for taking your time reading this. It’s a long story and I’m afraid that there will be more negative elements than good but I’m working on that. I’ve come here for a last attempt for finding hope, as I have lost mine. Maybe writing my story there will be someone out there who really understands. But I must warn you, this is a cautionary tale so please keep an open mind. I really need some help with being completely overwhelmed. What would you do? Â
Where do you begin when you decide writing your life […]
I’m so tired.
I want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I take excessive amounts of sleeping pills just to escape reality. When I don’t have anything to help me sleep, I suffer from severe insomnia.
I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened in the last few years. It constantly rewinds and replays in my head. And since the punishment will be for a lifetime, there will be no relief – ever. How can I possibly make any sense out of this? No relief – ever? Why live? Why go on?
I’m numb.
I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the reflection. It’s like I’m looking […]
The saga is dead. All the men for themselves.
This is what’s left when faith is dead.
Walking in white, quietly in the dark.
The spades encloses the heart.
Stooped, under goddamn degradation.
Commander of the faith, the saga is dead.
The party from death to life. I’m still down, pick up a few other.
Though, I really am vowed. Steppingstone to be simply.
Listening to trip-hop, what’s up?
I think about it all the time… at least a few times a day. Suicide. I dont think about how it would affect others.. i dont think about anything but myself. But i never seem to care. I want it so bad in so many different ways. But then i see this kid.. i see how their family and friends are effected. How sad it makes everybody and how much it makes other ppl appreciate their lives and their friends and families lives. Its a curse and a blessing at the same time. It doesnt make me want to end things any less, but it […]
Id like to share from an existential level and some insights that have occurred. Â I have explored numerous modalities to tap into that higher awareness our world so readily speaks about. Â And yes, I have had amazing experiences… But nevertheless, one always returns to the world of man.
i hear many spiritual teachers say that this planet is a school, a place to learn for souls, and that we create our experience before we entered the womb of our biological human mother.but honestly, what I see, is this logic is pure bullshit, cloaked and lessened with the same idea of man: that one must struggle to exist, […]
Hello All,
I m new to this site
Why cant please my GOD i do the things i dnt want to do as apostle paul said, But I love GOD but not able to please him , i feel loneliness in the world fear to speak with people evryone in the world are cruel no humans exists , sometimes i feel myself lost many tyms felt ending up my life, I lov BIBLE, JESUS , My god father but i m sinner i m lost , y cant god help me and stop me from sining , He left me alone in this cruel selfish world, I […]
I’ve raided my pill box. I want to be thorough. Not looking for a high or some crazy trip. Don’t want to wake up in the hospital. Looking for the eternal rest.
Fluoxetine 400 mg, Citalopram 360mg, Oxycodone 270 mg, Hydrocodone 305mg, Metoprolol 200mg, Tramadol 8500mg, Topiramate 3000mg, and Naproxen 9000mg.
I have more drugs I can add but a search on WebMD shows serious interactions between this list so I figured combine them all.
But I still wonder will this be enough? I think combining it with the isopropyl alcohol should do the trick…I hope.
Finally I can have this back. Finally got *him* to leave this alone. God where the hell do I start? I was in the bathroom one day and I just filled up the tub. No bubbles. No nothing. It’s not like I was trying to have a bubble bath. And I got in and went underwater. As long as I could. Knowing that I’ll struggle and finally come up for air once I can’t take anymore. But I wanted to suffer. Feel me black out. I sat there for 2 hours of just complete silence. I’ve had a relapse and it’s horrible.
Tomorrow is the day. I’m sitting here making a mental note of the final things I need to do. I’ve taken out the trash, I’ll finish the laundry in the morning. I’ve set my phone to send out Fathers Day messages automatically. The refrigerator is empty except cases of water and some lemons. I wanted to have all these documents shredded but didn’t get around to it guess I’ll pack them up and shoot an email to my attorney that he should collect them and properly dispose. I wanted to donate my body to science but they don’t accept suicides. I still need to write […]
lot of other monkeys got attracted to it, and they also started to jump into the race
new monkeys are born to racing monkeys and they also started following parents
after some time, first group of monkeys died, remaining monkeys keep running in the race
after a long time a new monkey started asking why should a monkey’s  life wasted in the race like this?
no one has the answer.
Same way as humans don’t have answer for why they live
I’m starting to see why people do certain things, I may not fully understand it but I think when we are in a place where we feel pent up by our circumstances, a change is wanted…needed. Right now I’m low on oxygen and I’m hanging by an idea. Will a moment come when we find something that gives us fresh air, makes everything seem lighter, brighter more promising, even scary. Looking back to a sad place its easy to ignore it, and maybe move toward what you want to do. In ways I wish I could see an option like that for me but now […]
Novelist Graham Greene played Russian roulette as a teenager
If the first volume of his autobiography A Sort of LIfe is to be believed, then the novelist Graham Greene did not have a very auspicious childhood.
His earliest memory was of sitting in his pram atop a hill, with a dead dog at his feet. When he was five, Greene walked with his nurse close to an alms-house, outside of which a crowd had gathered. Suddenly a man rushed forward and into the building. It was said he was about to cut his throat. Greene and his nurse waited among the wide-eyed spectators, until the man appeared […]