I decided that it’s no longer about living because I have to. I’m going to live because I need to. My mom is currently in intensive care I came home and found her blue from lack of oxygen. She can’t breathe on her own. My mom is everything to me. She came back when I was 12 and saved me and my brothers lifes. I won’t give up until I know she’s fine. I blame a lot of this on myself the lack of oxygen is from to many medications because she was in pain because she was stressed about me. My mom has a […]
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Intensive Care
I have fought severe depression and schizophrenia for a number of years. I go through bad times and then I can suffer through hell for months to a year or so at a time. As I write this I am in a downer period, voices constantly abuse me and tell me to kill myself and hallucinations frighten the absolute shit out of me to the point where I am screaming for help and crying my eyes out. I have had a number of suicide attempts but have been interrupted because of being on constant suicide watch. I did however have 2 very close attempts, on […]
There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course […]
I really can’t take it anymore. I have scars everywhere. I can’t bend my arm or my wrist will split open. My girlfriend is gone, my therapist is on her side, my friends are on her side… I know that if the opportunity came for a quick death, I’d take it. I’m scared. If I found a gun or a lot of drugs or anything like that, I know that’d be it for me. My friends said everything is coming together, but it’s really falling apart. I can’t go back to the hospital, but if any of my counselors knows I’m suicidal again I’ll have […]