So recently I flunked out of engineering school. I feel lost now like what the hell am I suppose to do now. I’ve invested so much time into school for it to end like this. I can’t even form the words to tell my parents that I’m back a square one to find a new major. This is all I had it was my biggest accomplishment now I have nothin. I have no gf and barely any friends. I’m at mediocre college. What the point of living right now when it seem like everything is going to shit right now. I feel like I brought […]
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it all
I marvel at those who wake up and say amazing positive stuff on Facebook. It’s usually a lot of gratefulness “for caring about and accepting who I am today,” or it’s all “humans try…only God perfects,” or getting “my Sunday nap on before my workout,” or something. There’s always a coping strategy–a self-care tool.
Music was that for me. As a teen, especially. But as I got older, music became a chore and a job, so I couldn’t really feel good after doing it. Anything I try to do to rejuvenate myself just feels like a temporary escape, and it makes it all the more […]
There’s blood on my hands, and the killers not my enemy. It’s all for the sake of love, it’s all for you.
So my dad’s found about my self-harm and suicidal stuff
And I have to go a counselor every Tuesday
Does this mean everythings starting to heal? Or will everything I’ve been trying to build (my life) crumble back to dust back when I first got depressed? This is probably my paranoia, Â just don’t know what’s gonna happen
I feel like I can get better, but my family is constantly fighting and it gets so bad I have to actually leave for hours at a time so I can just get away, I’m lucky I don’t pass anything I can use for self-harm, I don’t even know […]
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right […]
Expressing my feelings has always been
hard for me, mostly because i don’t even understand myself. One day i can feel really happy and then others i can feel like ending my life. Does anyone else feel this way? I can’t take feeling this way anymore its like a constant never ending battle in my head…I hate myself sooo..much. I would end it all but i know my little brother would be devistated if i was gone. And i would never want to hurt my brother..i would never want him to feel like me. Thats why i always put on my fake smile when i’m […]
I feel pointless. I seriously do. I’ve had people know about me being suicidal and literally, 2, maybe 3, actually acted like they cared. Now I’m probably up to 4. Everyday for the past month, things keep getting worse. School, family, friends. I’ve survived this once. Twice. Three times. I don’t know if I can do it again. Maybe it’s my time to die. I feel like nobody cares, maybe nobody actually does and it’s all a lie. I guess I should say goodbye to everyone. Before I die…
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
Good evening,
It’s fair to say I am struggling. I’m 35, been suffering with anxiety and depression for 3 years. I also have severe IBS, or in other words I get really ill a lot and the doctors don’t know why. My anxiety has lot of unwanted symptons, the worse one is feeling really cold and tight across the right side of my body. Weird huh? I can seemingly handle one or even 2 at a time, but all 3 and it’s too much.
Of course I’ve tried everything, and I mean everything. I’ll have periods when I think I’m getting to grips with it all and […]
8th grade was when it all started. It started in the middle of that year. My dad & I were fighting. He told me that the reason he tried to kill himself was because of me. At that time I started to believe it was me cause of the way I treated him. His mental health issues at that time were up & down. In previous years he was overdosing with his prescription meds which led to him getting into a car accident with me & he also fell down the stairs. Some other things happened like he ran into a tree with […]
Heard a song on the radio earlier, the lyrics were – ‘i want to get away, i want to fly away’
It made me think, how many of us want to just get away from it all, i know i do everyday. Just to leave all the pain and sadness  and never look back.
I suppose it’s a nice dream for when things get dark.
Has anyone considered ending it in a foreign country? This is different from the infamous suicide tourism, which is actually euthanasia & involves paying someone a big sum to legally kill you.
Of all the final destinations on my bucket list, I have been thinking of :
Hanging in a hotel overlooking Eiffel tower
Jumping into Berlin river
Jumping into the river dividing Budapest
Jumping onto NYC subway
Or any of the above methods in Moscow.
There is the Moscow Metro, a number of rivers, and certainly plenty of plush hotel rooms. For a long time I have had this obsession with Russian culture.
I believe that if and […]
Does that even make sense?
My life has been fraught with death. Â Now it’s all around me, like a heavy curse
And it’s only going to keep happening. Â It’s only going to get worse. Â How can this be tolerable?
I was thinking that it’s one more reason to get out of here. Â By dying, you beat the others to the punch. Â You don’t have to watch a presumably healthy person vanish before your eyes.
I don’t really think I’m equipped to deal with it, considering. Â Just like I’m not equipped to deal with life in general.
Why sit around and watch the horrible parts of life happen? Â Especially when that’s […]
The thought of suicide has crossed my mind for years and have often thought how my families life would be affected by my own death? How would they cope, survive ? I know that life is a blink or heart beat away and we should not take life for granted however when your up against a brick wall why live!!! In the past month I have watched more gore movies , binged death, suicide , cemetery, coffins, life after death and so on. Yes I know I’m depressed and on medication but when you have 4 ways going at you at all angles from […]
I’m completely new to all this. I’m not use to throwing my thoughts out into the open because I don’t believe people actually care about what you have to say. I’m a pretty reserved person, doesn’t talk much or engage in social activities. So I’ve decided to turn to this site for all the shit that weighs on me, because I don’t what to do about it anymore. Eighteen years old with no desires or dreams. I find it pathetic. This should the high time; experiencing different things, graduating high school, going to college. Nah, it’s all been ripped away from me. I use to […]
So, I’ll start with some background information.
My name is Sarah, I’m 15, I live in the United States, have a rocky relationship with my parents, have one younger brother, and I’m struggling.
I’m struggling to keep myself alive. I’m struggling to feel confident and accept myself. But I’ve found something to help. Color guard. So what is color guard? It’s a team that spins and throws: 6ft long metal flag poles, solid blocks of wood in the shape of a rifle, and sabers (swords). And yes, it’s a sport.
I’ve been suicidal since I was 10 years old, so that’s a grand total of 5 years. I […]
No matter how I try to be positive and make things better, there’s always an anvil waiting to fall on my head. There’s just so much crap one can endure. My perfect day is Friday. Sayonara.
i’m drunk as shit right  now, otherwise i wouldn’t be posting this. i want to end it all so bad but i can not because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends. first post to this site, feel free to comment whatever you like. i really want some help but don’t actually believe any of it exists  for me. sorry for the incoherent babble. if i was brave enough to post sober i would have.
I’m new of the page, and I wanted to start by asking people here, if, for them, all of this feelings of depression, the despair, the death wish, had a beginning, that’s to say, some kind of catalyst that started to bring your life down, to the point where ir became unbearable…
When I was 6 years old, I got sexually abused by a guy who used to work for my parents. I was too little to understand what had happened, but still I told my mother ALL OF IT, and she just dismissed it with a casual “You must have dreamed (dreamt?) it”. Obviously, when […]
i want nothing but death
i have not told what i saw
oh dear! i think i am becoming god
ive offended mankind bcuz my work dint reach the quality it shud have –davin-c
why do u weep do u think i was immortal?
one last drink please
i hope i haven’t bored you
i die hard but am not afraid to do so
money can’t buy life
am bored with it all
last words are for foolish who haven’t said enough -marx