Unlike most kids, some nursery rhymes haunted me. One of those is Row Your Boat. It’s almost like… I don’t know. It’s almost like it’s about a depressed person, just going through life, feeling like it’s just a dream. That’s definitely how it feels now to me. Every second is just a dream. I’ll probably wake up soon, and I’ll be 8 again. My grandpa won’t die, and life will be perfect. Trevor will never have existed. Lacey won’t die. Nana won’t hate me. My mom will be proud of me. Maybe I can do something. But then again, I don’t want this to be […]
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Kendall
I think it’s time for me to go. I’m still fucked up, if not more fucked up than when I first came here. Trevor loves Kendall, and I think it’s time for me to realize it. Yeah, he flirts with me, but he flirts with pretty much every girl; he’s a flirty person. He doesn’t like me. My grandma isn’t going to get better. Lacey and Papa aren’t going to come back. My parents love my little sister more than they love me. I can’t make them happy. I take all Pre-AP courses offered, I quit cutting, I’ve never had detention, I’ve kept all A’s, […]
Call me obsessed. Call me a whore, a slut. But whatever. You don’t know how I feel. I was called so many names when everyone knew that I liked Trevor. And then they got all mad when I started liking other people. Some people actually said “God, you like everyone in band, don’t you?”. I hated it. That’s part of why I put walls up. I was sick of other people trying to lord over my relationships. It’s none of their business, anyway! And everybody got all mad at All-Region tryouts because I was talking to him. And laughing. And, uhm, he held my hand. (Actually, […]
I know. I know I’m only 13. I know I can’t be in love. I know I’ve never even gone out with the guy. But I think that, honestly, I love Trevor. But he doesn’t love me. This is why I don’t let my feelings take over. They always make me go back to liking him. He likes Kendall. Well, I mean, he should, considering they go out, but I wish he liked me. I know that everyone would just call me a slut for liking him, but you know what? I know what I am and what I’m not, so I don’t care. I […]
So, I’ve been happy. But things still don’t go how I need them to. Â Trevor will talk to me, of course. He even jokes with me and stuff. But he also still goes out with Kendall. But still. I wish it was me in her place. Gosh. The sad thing is that he doesn’t have a “type”. I can’t figure out what it is that he likes in a girl! He has dated girls that are nothing alike! None of them have anything in common. Anyway, it’s not like it would matter anyway. If he doesn’t like me, good for him. I’m not going to […]