I’m Crying..

I know. I know I’m only 13. I know I can’t be in love. I know I’ve never even gone out with the guy. But I think that, honestly, I love Trevor. But he doesn’t love me. This is why I don’t let my feelings take over. They always make me go back to liking him. He likes Kendall. Well, I mean, he should, considering they go out, but I wish he liked me. I know that everyone would just call me a slut for liking him, but you know what? I know what I am and what I’m not, so I don’t care. I don’t care what everyone else thinks. I just… I know-I feel it deep in my heart that he actually did like me at the beginning of the year. But I think he got tired of everyone making fun of him for it. Which really makes me mad, because it’s like everybody else ruined what relationship we could have had. Honestly, just this makes me upset enough to want to kill myself. Yeah, pathetic, right? But I can’t help how I feel. My heart hurts so much when I think about him. I can literally feel it falling when I realize that he’s so in love with Kendall, and he wouldn’t so much as give me a second glance.  I can’t even like anyone else. Something just doesn’t let me. I’ve tried convincing myself that I don’t like him, and it might last for a little while, but when I see his face, I melt all over again. Wow. I’ve written a whole post just about him. Well, get ready, cause there’s more to come. He’s so perfect. He has brown eyes, black curly hair, and a southern accent to die for. I love his smile. I hate mine, though. I have one tooth that sticks out, so I don’t smile very much. I don’t want it to show. I’m in marching band, and I play trumpet. So does he. We have a lot in common. Then again, I have a lot in common with pretty much every guy. I play video games, I like guns, blah blah blah. Still. I have a lot in common with him. He just……….. Ugh! See, there I go again. Thinking: Oh, he’s so perfect. I have to stop. I can’t do this. I’ll drive myself back to cloud nine like that. And sure, it’s okay for a little while, but cloud nine is a long way up, and the fall is a long way down. I think I’m okay on the ground.