You know, I honestly think of ways to die every single day.. Ive come up with probably hundreds of ways and thought of olaces no one would find me.. I cant do it because I have little lives to take care of and if I dont, they will have no one… My husband literally just left me.. Like an hour ago.. He called to tell the kods he loved them..which is great.. He is a good guy.. I am at a loss for words other than when will it end? :'(
I don’t want to die. I really don’t. Except everyday I go to sleep I wish this is the end. I wish I wouldn’t wake up. And every time I wake up I’m disappointed I did. And then I feel horrible about wanting to die when there are so many people who would give anything to live. So maybe I do want to die, but I just don’t want to kill myself. It’s why I had to stop the cutting, if I kept at it I would have killed myself.
There is a pit in my stomach and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I […]
The title describes me completely…I’m a worthless idiot,a pathetic piece of shit…
I fail at everything I do.I do nothing right.Everyone who trusted in me ended up being disappointed by my worthlessness.My parents,my relatives,my friends,my ex girlfriend…And the list of people who I’ve disappointed continues…
Just to show you how much more I can fail,I’ve even failed at dying.Yes,I failed at dying.Two weeks ago I have slit my wrists,but I,being the pathetic idiot I am,was afraid that cutting ”too deep” will give me too much pain…See?I can’t even kill myself right.I had to go to the E.R. and I looked like the complete idiot I am when […]
So Shakinbakin and I have decided to work on an EP together – we have a couple of pieces being produced at the moment – this is one of them. Obviously this is before the music magic happens, but thought that there might be some poetry fans that could appreciate it raw.
As always, for the benefit of those that have troubles with an Australian accent, the poem is below.
The Point
I’ve developed an overwhelming hatred of sobriety
When I’m fucked up is the only time I don’t hate myself entirely
Isaac Newton said that what goes up, must come down
So the higher you get, the […]
I haven’t posted in a while so thought I’d give an update for anyone who’s interested.
Also, I’m hoping it might give some people a bit of hope? Who knows.
Last time I posted I was literally at the point of ending it all. I’d already tried once but passed out; I’d been taken in by the police on a separate occasion and things were getting messy. I just wanted things over. There didn’t seem to be any other way that made sense. I had one last visit with my psych and they upped my meds. They told me they were putting me into day hospital. […]
Why am I still here at all? I’m a fucking failure at everything to do with life – including ending it. I could have jumped that not-so-fair day in May. I could be at peace, or whatever it is that happens after death, sleeping in a pine box 6 feet underground. I could have left all this shit behind me. . . so why am I still here?
To die, or not to die. To live, or not to live – those are the questions. I thought for a while I had escaped the dim cloud of gloom that hovers over me, but it has again […]
 I watched both of the Kill Bill movies today (for the 14th time). Pai Mei is my favorite character from the series. I wonder if I could train under someone like him. How does one even go about finding an authentic Pai Mei? Would I need to infiltrate an international assassin network first?
This actor is named Gordon Liu. He was also the leader of the Crazy 88’s – (the pack of swordsmen who try to kill Beatrix Kiddo at O-ren Ishii’s compound). Mr. Liu suffered a stroke in 2011 which left him partially paralyzed on his right side, and he’s got […]
Hello everyone,
heres my story. I’m bipolar but more so depressed with a side of pathological lying. I’m afraid of what the future may hold for me. I’m 26 unemployed, living at my parents house. I can’t afford to go see my counsoler and psychiatrist. I don’t have a penny in my name. I’m afraid to leave my parents house at some times. My girlfriend left me and good thing to. I did end up going crazy and tried offing myself. I sent my ass right to the psych ward and got out in four days. I’m scared that if my life continues the way that […]
Sorry for my spelling
** I am awake all night, depressed, derik beating me down all night, with nothing to hold onto, and I pick up my phone, wondering where my friend Jessica has been recently because I hadent seen her in about a year, when a missing persons list shows up. I do some research, look through all of the Info and it really is her… One of my closest friends missing. Her mother was discovered with a meth lab in her basement, and Jessica did’t want to go to foster care. I guess she left her phone packed her bags and left. She dose […]
The note is complete. not really the best but its fine. but even now, when i am this close, i am not sure. its still looking like a hazy dream. David455 once asked here – “Is suicide romantic?” i can now definitely understand this question. but he went through the whole process. even now, when i can do it any day, its looking like a romantic idea.
I am not sure. Have i tried enough? ofcourse i have. there is no try left. being in the middle is a shitty situation. all you can do is rot. i do not suffer enough to do it without […]
I thought partial suspension with a drop would be easier than partial suspension without a drop. I was wrong. It still requires willpower to (step off)/kick the drop point. I managed to step off after a while. Unfortunately, I was able to get back on the drop point. Moreover, I found that the drop point was too low as my toes touched the floor. Furthermore, my left hand was trying to stop me. On Friday morning this week, I will try again. I will do so from a higher suspension point so that my feet are off the floor. I will also tie my hands […]
The sun and the trees have life,
The people walking by infectious of there media ridden minds have life..
The sheep of the masses
Do they deserve to be slaughtered due to ignorance?
Or should they be applauded for enjoying life?
These decisions have not been left to me nor do I want to make this choice.
The only choice I want is to end my pain and suffering
A lifetime of addiction and hurting others is all I’ve managed.
I am the American Psycho watching others pass by; testing the boundaries of reality.. what if I fell off this bridge onto these cars?
What […]
One day I woke up, and things just weren’t quite right.
I hid from the windows and their bright shining light.
In darkness I sat there, refusing to bite,
On the food set before me, a former delight.
All senses seemed muted, though they left with a fight.
My thoughts they weighed heavy, on my mind into night.
Nightmares and dreams snares, woke me with a fright.
Went searching for meaning, but was nowhere in sight.
Nothing is sacred, this just can’t be life.
Use the ledge at the ball park, one day I […]
It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again. Â When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]
I’m bound to this earth with the feeling of regret from past events. My family doesn’t make the fact that i hate every part of my being any better. Sometimes i wonder, Why didn’t my mom leave my drunk dad? I mean she could have left him and spared my childhood memories from this twirling downward spiral of pain. I just wish i could have had a better time growing up. I only had One life, One childhood, One family….i could have had a chance at being happy if my mom left him……Happiness? What the fuck is the feeling of “True happiness”, someone please explain, […]
I’m too scared to kill myself. I’m afraid that I’ll fail, and end up screwed in some way. I don’t have much to live for, with a family that cares to much about the unimportant stuff but doesn’t care about what matters and friends that lie to me and try to make me jealous of them, and social anxiety that’s almost crippling.
My dad left my mom and I when I was 3. She found a guy when I was 8, and at first he wasn’t so bad. Now, he blames me for everything, even stuff I didn’t know about. He forces me to clean everything […]
Well I think I’ve finally reached that point.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for the chance to speak to you, to clear the air, to try and mend this broken thing you left.
The pain is utterly unbearable. It is consuming me, erasing anything that was left of who I am.
Now I am just pain and god it hurts so much and it just won’t stop.
I dread going to sleep because the dreams are so painful; in them you forgive me and we are happy again and it’s like I am made of air.
I dread waking up because the pain is instantaneous; […]
Life is messed up that has been pretty obvious to me, yet I still find myself hurt about it. I don’t know why I hope why I even care? I’m slowly shutting down, I care less and less about any and everything.This year has been the worst of my life thus far, I’ve lost so much and there is this aching pain inside. I lost family and friends and a significant other all in a matter of months back to back. There is literally nothing left in me not a damn thing I wouldn’t care if my own family died if what little friends I […]
Ive always felt alone since I was a little kid. recently i lost my job, car got repoed, bills piling up, girlfriend left me, no one talks to me. ive lost 40 lbs over 5 months from not eating. I have a 12 year old son who idolizes me and hes starting to act like me, sad.
I was “happy” last year the world looked good.