I have tried everything to keep myself going I’ve tried to see if life gets better. Let me tell you, it doen’t (at least for me). Lets go through what ive done, they say that opening up to someone will help, I thought I could tell my friend because he was good to me and we trusted eachother before. Wrong I told him and he bullied me for it. Now I have know one. My days are the same wake up with no energy, go to school to only expell the only energy I have, cry and eat for an hour and sleep. Yes because […]
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life gets better
I hate when people tell me it’s going to be ok… That life gets better. I get that, I do. But honestly if I lived an alliterative life with all the money in the world I still wouldn’t be happy. I know too much and seen too much to be happy. Why can’t people accept that?
from the perspective of the proverbial ‘watcher’ my life is pretty perfect, i suppose. I live in a beautiful house with a beautiful man who tells me i’m beautiful. we’re engaged and getting married. . the natural progression of this version of life, to settle down and squirt out children… for the last five years, no for ever, i have thought that i wanted that. to settle and breed… and everything would just make sense when my life was no longer my own. but i am literally in the process of realising that i DONT actually want this, i have but one life and im […]
So the plan I had created, exactly October 24, 2012 is still in. And I have to say I am really proud of myself. Because on that day I wanted to go home and kill myself. But I told myself, “not yet, because you’re still a kid. What if your life gets better after your graduate.” So I graduated high school that year, and I made a promise that I will try to community college and then transfer to University, so experience life a little. I decided to let myself try at least one semester in university, away from my parents and family. And try […]
Depression hits you hard in the face its like a hard slap. However hard you try to not let it get you down it still will and it will drag you harder and faster down that deep black hole, people will tell you how easy it is to get you out the hole and that life gets better but ive been a good person yet still nothing good has came my way im just gonna be alone all my life and no one should give a shit because im not a person anyone should waste their time on i just need to leave this awful […]
I was intoxicated by the feeling in the air, faint wisps of pizza and beer filling my being.
It was a graduate program alright, but the campus itself reeked of undergrad shenanigans. Most people find it gaudy, but I love the community atmosphere of a uni campus. It’s a sexually incestuous band of merry vagabonds, topped off with general studies classes that force a modicum of higher thinking that is generally expressed in smoke filled dorm rooms. Well, at least a chemically induced impulse to think outside the box.
Logging more hours than I care to think about on the road to the university, my mood was […]
This is my first time posting on this site. I just want to share why I’m considering ending my life.
I’m a 19 year old male from Hawaii.
I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.
When I was a child, I was coerced into sexual acts by both a cousin and a “friend” (at different times in my life).
At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition known as Marfan Syndrome and was told that people with this disorder don’t live very long. All throughout middle and high school, I was teased because of this condition.
I spiraled into a deep depression, and my grades started […]
Hey. This is my first post ever. I don’t really know how to put my situation into words so I’ll just type and see what comes out.
I have been battling depression for about 10 years now with several highs and lows. I had my first suicidal thoughts when I was 11. I felt useless and lonely although I had a few friends that I loved and a nice family. But I felt so out of place and like all I did was wrong. I started to hate myself and my self-esteem crumbled. I was able to hide it until I was 17 but then I […]
So I recently gathered together all of the things from that time in my life–everything that holds negative connotations that came into my life over the past three years, from scissors and razors to the belt from my last attempt and poems and bloody tissues and whatever else–and I put all of this in a shoebox until I’d collected everything. Then I went out with my boyfriend into the back field, and we were looking for a tree to bury it by, when I saw the tree where one of my goats had died (she got her hoof stuck in between two branches and broke […]