So I don’t know what to say. But I’ll start here I have a boyfriend. We have been together for awhile. But he can me like shit allot. Well I’m pregnant with his baby. He doesn’t want it neither does his dad. So they want abortion. I’m not sure. I want it but he doesn’t care. He bugs me about it al the time. I feel like all he wants is for me just to kill myself cause that’s what he wants I know so he can just be done with me. Know one understands how I feel and won’t. He also is always looking […]
There’s a line graph I’m looking at. It’s running in a web page. This line represents an experiment I did where I had an app ask me six times a day how I felt on a scale from 0 to 100. Roughly a month ago I hit zero for the first time and I’m looking at all these other sections of the line because there’s surely a pattern in here somewhere.. I finally caught it! I caught one of my suicidal thoughts in its most raw and natural forms with tons of preceding data.
I really didn’t know what to make of all this data. […]
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide: drink until they stop screaming your name. I’m down to my last drink, time to sell my things. Pack my bags and never look back. Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks. Make my getaway. How the hell did it end up like this? Why wasn’t I able to see the signs that I missed and try and turn the tables? I would stand in the wind, I was free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. […]
Once upon a memory, a nightmare, yet a memory that still haunts me, I traced a horizontal line across my wrist. One, two, three, four times with a sharp object, breaking skin, stinging, causing a mild bleed. Fifth time, force applied, the sharp object went to and through my wrist and out the other side. I screeched in pain, I bit my lip, I sunk my teeth in, my eyes watered. I sat and stared at the damage I had done. That was the first time, more attempts followed…Still I endure…
there are times when i really want to dance the line of life and death, and others where i am glad to be alive. lately though it seems to be the latter of the two. Â there have been times when i have tried to slice my wrists, i have tried to take pills. my question is this: is there a reason i am still here?
Here, in oblivion. Maybe, I’ll find another chance.
I’m afraid there’s nothing more to say.
I’m not make belief, I’m a kid dying.
The holy spirit is the most beautiful.
I will go, before the solstice, if I can. I must.
The leaf is ripped in my hand. Omega-death.
Do not let me hang by the neck, any longer.
That’s the cruelest satanic shit. Fuck narcissist.
Those motherfuckers took over the world. Some fucked up breed of killers.
But now, it’s a whole other breed. My heart since the beginning, with the animals.
I need to be able to breathe, I can, if you let […]
I think the scariest thing in life is the thought of settling; the thought of giving into the false expectations of this world…just falling in line and becoming yet another emotionless face in the crowd. Just mindlessly going through the motions to the point where everyday feels the exact same. To the point where passions become colorless and dreams become meaningless. Whether it be in a job, a relationship, your environment, or maybe a combination of the three. We tell ourselves that this will never happen to us, but before you know it, the repetitiveness starts to set in; the dullness becomes more and more […]
I am happy my family pushed for me to get a dog. No matter how bad of a day I have or how stupid I act sometimes, my dog will always love me. Zelda Is my life line. Â You can talk to them for hours on end and they will never judge you or talk back at that. They are the perfect listeners and it seems they can tell when you are having a great day or a bad one.
Consciousness, the cruel joke played on us all by the universe. When I catch my reflection all I see is a talking ape that knows of its mortality and the meaningless of being. Death is the punch line and often I feel the joke is dragging on and leaving me wishing to just get there already.
Rip, Johnny. Back when Toonami.
In this world, where does a dying stranger go to.
A crew of true camaraderie. Walking in the beat of life, and death.
Don’t forsaken nobody the sound of the ukulele.
Crew, where are you. I need you today.
Now. I need you now. The time when the world reverses.
Back. The hourglass to zero. Now you can walk to the steps of infinity.
Every hit. Every line. Every breath. Praying for my life, to you.
Every day it gets harder. Stuck, the purple muk and weezing.
Will I ever live, forever the steps of doom.
Got to bust a ductrio. Kobra, […]
When I use the word “god” I’m not talking about any particular religious image. For lack of a better word, I’m using “god” to mean whatever force created and/or governs this universe. It could be a bearded dude on a throne, it could be a mathematical equation or it could be a random spark that started a fire. But whatever it is, I hate it.
I hate the rules and patterns of existence that we live by. Universal laws like “survival of the fittest”, “kill or be killed” and “consume others so that you may live” are the laws of all living organisms, whether we’re talking […]
even though, I am tied to an anchor.
now when I die, the music that I wish to praise.
kingdom child and glory. his name is johnny.
the might is in your hand. a dying spirit of holy.
mother. auntie. sister. brother. let’s go.
on to the next verse. but I forgot the next line.
reversed. I am not the beauty, you are. I am the darkness.
my cane and your my light of life. my dead face and hand.
undead me. a mother of holy. this is not a love story.
immigrant from Europe country. I still can’t leave the country, of u.s.
America is starting […]
“People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.â€
How did it feel to come so close? To walk the line between life and death.
Were you relieved?
Was there a “light” rushing towards you?
How long were you drifting for, and what did the drifting feel like?
Is the experience of leaving worth the pain – was there pain, torment?
What was on your mind?
I’ve heard more than anything that one feels an crushing sense of regret upon passing the point of no return.
Finally, what was it like to wake up afterward? Was there frustration? Self-pity? Rejection? Do you feel differently now than you did before?
What has life become for you?
I forgot the first line. Who the fuck is going to save me.
Gona go, try. Go, go. Battletoad. But I can’t.
Oh yeah. I need to stay clear, my eternal spectrum, and sober.
Be like water. Time to recuperate. I need to escape.
Seven years of acidic death. My scroll. My blood.
Faith of God, you would understand. Higher kind.
In your heart. Enlighten. Become a Man, a Woman.
Superman and Wonder Woman, and all the others.
Game-station. Do no forsake the forsaken. My chain, I wish I could of…
Saved you all. That is my mission.
The music of Mankind. Goddess resurrection. Our Men, our warriors.
Capitalize. Our world, system of hell. Seraphim, Seraphim, put out […]
Damn, now where can I purged.
Asking for a child, for in the name of the god.
Seeking. Abyssal lost. One in a billion.
All I can do. Nothing I can do. So just do it.
But what to do, like the meaning of my name.
The protector of the sun.
Tamed in abyssal, the Titans.
We the Humans, now like the ants.
Every hit. Every line. Beautiful music.
The melody, and the chain. Devil helds you by the iron ball.
I am a fucked up puppet, my true self, has never been shown.
The masquerade, the façade, the charade, what was the last one….
Hades, sitting in the shade. The shadow. Beast Vs. Kid Death.
Wow. Down, getting […]
Why do some people–I’ve noticed it a lot on this site–call one a troll if you say something that upsets their feelings, no matter how truthful and factual you are being?
Essentially it goes like this:
Person A is debating Person B. Â Person A says something Person B gets upset by. Â Person C interjects and agrees with Person A. Â Person B says Person A is also Person C and a troll.
So the logic is … everyone who agrees with Person A is Person A.
Do you think this […]
I feel like a defective model, like i came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.
I guess life never was that lively after all.
Everything feels so strained and useless.
I drag dulling razors over my skin, just for a taste of existance. Just to fucking feel. I need to know I’m still alive. I’m breathing but decomposing inside. I cannot see any point anymore. Better off taking some asprin and cutting in the bath. Because I’m completely over all this. I’m over blood clots, I’m over this numb base line seeping farther and farther each night, I’m so fucking over all of it.
I wrote this song for the broken people out there.
It’s been posted in mp3 format on sp, but for those who may need encouragement, or for those who may just need to feel that someone cares, this song is for you.
You can always comment, or drop me a line. On my chanel is also a song called in this world, of which has been posted on this site as well, and you can check that one out as well, if you would like.
brl.cents@gmail.com