Not Sure what to do from here

LiveyRoo, good thing about your story is the very moments you are glad to be alive; so no hope is lost yet. According to your fight between life and death, I could guess you are a very impulsive person; hence the suicide attempts. If you hit rock bottom, then the boulders above you are really pressing on your shoulders and you can´t find any escape path – not even a beam of light in sight.

My mom is similar, she was just another week having long walks in the mornings and appeared to be happy – said so too. Well, the other day we had a quarrel and the next thing I get is a text message which said: “When love isn´t enough, I´ve chosen this day to be my last day.” Luckily she didn’t have the guts.

I have no idea if you can relate in any way what I´m saying. But I believe there are two types of depression; prolonged and impulsive. Of course they can vary and intertwine in many ways but still.

The reason why you are still among us is perhaps of that some great destiny lies ahead of you. Maybe you have a purpose in helping others or just being a friend and support for someone else. There are reasons everywhere but a blinded and depressed mind cannot often vision them anymore. And as you´ve said you sometimes have feeling of joy being alive, now there is reason enough; life is precious and if not all misery then enjoy the little positive things and the good days ahead.

Take care, and think of the all the times you´ve been glad to be alive – there will be plenty more, I can almost assure you.