heavy duty shit in therapy yesterday. rejection, dismissal, self hatred etc etc. my psyche is fighting tooth and nail to keep some horrible thing secret. what that is i don’t know. saw the shrink last week. another appointment and a new script. losing faith in pharmaceuticals. there doesn’t seem to be anything out there for me. left the office angry and upset. felt rejected, dismissed, discarded. why exactly i don’t know. the doc didn’t do or say anything particularly egregious. it was like there was something i desperately wanted to communicate but i couldn’t find the words. then my 20 minutes was up. go away. […]
Tag:
Losing Faith
So, for my English class, I have to read Night by Elie Wiesel. I do not like reading about the Holocaust, because I am prone to nightmares. I don’t mean the fun kind, where you’re on a ship with Odysseus passing under Scylla and you know you’re going to wake up, because it’s a nightmare based off of ancient fiction. This is the kind of nightmare that you know real people lived and died, and there are pictures and film to prove it. Yes, the night I read the book, I dreamed that my school had gone Third Reich Etc Etc. I told my dad […]
So my last post was about my last remaining friends nearly leaving me.
Last week, on Wednesday, I guess they made the decision to abandon me completely.
I was going to go out with a bunch of their friends. It was going to be a very, very good thing for me. My life was finally looking up, and I was actually going to talk to one of them about my suicidal tendencies. I was going to make a conscious effort to try and drag my self out of this hole, and I might have actually managed it given time.
And then I got a text.
“Sorry, they don’t want […]