Because I’m not the one that wants to end my life. My Girlfriend just called me 20 minutes ago and said she was getting ready to jump off a local bridge thats about 120 ft high. She hasnt picked up the phone since that call. I only hope she was bluffing, but she has brought this up more and more over the last few monthes, including one failed attempt with Valium where I had to take her to the hostpital and have her stomach pumped. When they told her they were going to put her in a phychriatric ward she flipped out and had me […]
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Love
I can’t take it anymore this family is killing me. Well acually I’m killing myself, but that’s not the point. My father is destorying this family and we’re just letting it happen. He was gone for two weeks and we talk to him maybe three times, but his new family called him everyday so he feels that we don’t love him. So he said that he’s going to move in with them and never come home. And he has no idea how much that hurts me. It hurts me a lot because he’s the only parent that I have. And the reason I don’t tell […]
Ok then, I don’t suppose there is much point me lying anymore. I do that a lot, lying, it always seems to be the best way to continue without actually living or letting anything out. The problem is I want to live, I don’t want to be one of these people that just pretends to be someone else and never feels true emotion. I suppose it’s easy, I should know I’ve been doing it for the fourteen years of my life. But these days I just feel myself wanting to scream and breakdown, I don’t want to put a brave face on it; I […]
My life was perfectly fine until things started in the 5th grade. I was your normal self-centered, bratty, know-it-all, drama queen, annoying, 10-year-old, until my mom decided she was leaving my dad. That day broke my heart, and tears are now splattering on my keyboard just thinking about it. When she told me the news, an unnatural shriek escaped my mouth, and she was surprisingly laughing at me, though I was standing in a pile of tears. Later that day my dad attempted talking to me about it, but for the first time in my whole life he put his head in his hands and cried right […]
I was never considered pretty, never thought of as a beautiful young lady. Or a truely happy one for that matter. But everything changed when I met “him”. I can’t say he caused this aching dead feeling I have right now, because it was well before that it started, But he never helped. We went out for nearly 3 months. And I was really into him, I did most of my “firsts” with him. Including loosing my virginity, which people may consider I was a slag because I was only 12. But I loved him, and I thought he loved me. People will say “you don’t […]
 I think it all happened in seventh grade. I met this wonderful girl, her name was Patricia. I first met her in drama class, she had brought this razor to class and was cutting up her notebook. All I could think of was the razor I played with last night cutting into my wrists again and again. I slowly fell for her, she didn’t even help me up. I was so near to telling her how I had felt, but she told me about this guy, they were going out and she was inlove with him. . . She tore my heart out, squised it […]
How I idealize: a certain member here sums it up perfectly. So I sat down and idealized more. And watched a very good film on the subject.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477139/
Film teaser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn7GVNskKU8
It is about us. It is a beautiful film that is as funny as it made me cry. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, you should just watch it.
This is all I do now, idealize my own death and who I will meet afterwards. There is a romance to it. And it’s not to get back at anyone, I just want to reach outward and upward.
My life (oh boy, the “my life story” […]
Tonight i’m going to truely give in to this stupid cycle of misery and i’m going to make it end.
I’ve planned it well i beleave no one suspects i’m going to do it, i saw a counselor and i lied to him and chickened out of the help i know i need, walking into his office i felt so sure that he could fix me, help me but then i knew that no one could fix me so i lied and made out it wasn’t as bad as it seemed ironically he asked if i had a plan or some method, i said no […]
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