This recent days, I’m starting to be able to really cope up and enjoy my days… with my friends who support me emotionally. I am so scared to go home and face the rest of the day alone because of the painful emotions and thoughts I’ll have to face alone… so I spend a lot of time with my friends. I am starting to forget. But now it’s already summer break. I’ll be alone again, if not alone be with my family who doesn’t even know what I’m going through. I’ll be alone with ths books and internet. Ths pain… I still feel it.. I […]
Villie, an adorable, young man who was 24 at the time, lived in Australia. I was 13, and I was American but I always would go visit him. Over this summer of 2011 I was visiting him by myself for the first time. A taxi picked me up, and that was as planned, though I wasn’t told about a taxi…. Villie was gay and his boyfriend was actually supposed to come pick me up, and I thought that was odd… But when I got there, Villie’s truck was outside, and his door was unlocked. I had gone inside and he wasn’t there. I called his […]
yummmmmm. popcorn
books
translating stuffffff.
thinking of what i shall name my daughter if i have one – MÃr (dutch for peace. or czech. either one is fine.)
thinking of what i shall name my son if i have one – Blaze Strong
hi. how are you?
meeting new people (even though i can be extremely shy…)
posting on here. it’s fun. >.<
waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for EXO to freakin’ debut already!!!
um, reading all of distant.road’s comments and knowing that he does a lot for others on this site
hrmmm. your turn, guys!
i havent been on here in so long, i forgot about how sad i was until i read all of these posts i put up. i came back for one reason and one reason only, to say goodbye to this website. i dont need it anymore 🙂
i have the guy of my dreams, my mother and me are happy, and im just happy. i dont cry as much anymore i mean, i still do but thats either period related or just missing my daddy. but im happy
so i over came my suicide. my dark moments filled with pain and sadness. gone, all the pain is […]
Soo..today is mine & my boyfriend’s one month anniversary..I know it doesn’t seem like much, but we’ve actually been together since October 5th..That’s about 5 & a half months<3
I may not be IN love with him (yet), but I definitely love him..he means the world to me. I'm just saying, I think there's someone special out there for everyone that can help you get through whatever it is you're going through just like he's helping me..(:
-Shannon;*
my cat chasing the laser…. hilarious.
butterflies
blonde oreos. especially double stuf. (hint hint)
writing and receiving mail.
you guys and all your support
love.
cute old people
girl scout cookies
sleep
books
kpop
did i mention books?
changed lives
music
oh yeah, i forgot! kpop.
starting my new youtube channel, thedillpandafools
sun
storms
flowers
my friends
ezra <3 (feeling ain’t mutual, but whatevvs)
ellachristina
distant.road
Duke of Marmalade. you always make me laugh.
Schneiderang
beautiful poetry
classic rock
guitar
piano
random acts of kindness
laughter
back massages
manis and pedis
ice cream
the beatles
beach boys, too
God, of course
more to come….
”
keep on believing guys,
it’s not the end<3
i’ve been through it, and i’m alive.
now my job is to keep you alive too
Im so depressed. This week has been shit. And the worst part was it was all little things that have made me think about how good that shiny piece of sharp metal would look in my wrist.
1. School stuff- things about a crappy tattoo portfolio and being called wierd and having something taken away from me? which is quite confusing.
2. Maths exam- ah…exams. doesn’t everyone love them? espicially those with OCD who are terrified to write in pen and hate the thought of people staring at her because her seat was quite near the front.
3. i not long ago dropped my iPod touch in the […]
i haven’t been on for a long time but it was only cause i thought i found my reason to live… my boy friend, but just an hour ago he told me he had feelings for his ex still… sins then I’ve been wanting to kill myself… are song just came on and its wanting me to do it more. i understand that this is just a part of are relationship between us but i cant help but feel this…  i know im not going to do it.. for him. </3
I’m so alone, I really want to go back to old habits. i don’t really know why?
All i know is that my razorblade would look so good in my wrist right now, i’ve been quite depressed lately? i don’t know why…. i thought things were getting better. maybe they are but i just can’t see it…i really need help. But if you ask me that i would probably deny it, i have such a big thing about germs at themoment, my brother is ill so im terrified to be around him….
I Can’t Cope With This Anymore….:/
<3.
I told my friend, lydia about my ‘troubles’ earlier this year… and she showed me this poem. I thought it was amazing, so naturally I wanted to share it…. she will probably have a strong dislike towards me considering she told me I was the only one to read it….
“Hands shaking violently I open my soul.
I let my spirit pour out onto the carpet
And watch as it takes form.
It’s me, A little piece of me.
Every night I stand in front of the mirror
And see what I am.
What I hate.
What I have to change.
So I carve away to […]
So…. Updates for those who are interseted in me and my mental health, which is probably none of you….:/.
At 1am On Monday 6th February…my new nephew was born, i met him today and he is stunning….im in love, might upload a photo of us…
Im not talking to my dad, still. we got into an arguement after the whole police thing and thats just been it. i miss him though….should i apologise? do i even have anything to apologise for?….
I’m also considering a foster home, because as long as i’m living here i don’t think i’m going to get better…. so much stress and negative atmosphere….
I’m […]
my best friend justin had gone through a hard time. his parents got divorced then his mom remarried . his stepdad and justin never saw eye to eye justin told me he wasnt even invited to the wedding. im the only person he ever trusted…he also struglled with his gender… he had very poor grades and got in trouble every day . he has a kid like innocence .he had told me how depressed he was. but at 15 everyone thinks there depressed so i supported him and loved him.. he took prescription pills and one day at school had a tick tack bottle filled […]
Fact: There are three emotional things every person needs…
1.) To be loved.
2.) To love.
3.) Something to look forward to.
Today I realized that I can’t kill myself. I can’t kill myself because there are people who actually need me. There are people who actually appreciate me and my presence. There are people who love me more than I love myself and I there are people I would do anything for. If I died, it would affect so many people. Think about yourself, think about the people you care about and the people that care about you. I know someone loves whoever is reading this, multiple people […]
This week has been the best week of my life … i love this kid named Jamel .. he is my boyfriend…. we only have been dating for a short time but i feel like i know him so much more…. he means everything to me . i’m glad to have met him. he told me he loved me .. we have been kissing like every second we can .. i love him more than anyone ive dated before.. he is the sweetest guy I’ve dated before… he is the sweetest and kindest .. and HOT !!! i love him this one is short but i […]
i attempted offing myself about a 2 weeks ago….ive just been to damn ashamed to say anything….what is this….attempt 12…..13maybe?? i think ive gotten to the point where im just used to the failure. The pills only made me spaz thru the night. i kinda get a kick out of how cruel God is. it surprises me tht i can still have a relationship with God, no matter how one sided it is…..i begg and pray, and he just looks on. i swear my pain and eternal torment is his entertainment! Atleast Death holds me in the night. tho its not time for me to […]
I want to do it.
On monday, im planning again…. Apart from this time i haven’t made the mistake of telling ‘Everyone’. So my intention is to travel to a bridge…and you can probably guess the rest….
Life has not gotten better, its gotten worse? My OCD has. Fear of things are coming back…and my hands can tell you that, they don’t appreciate soap as much as i thought they would….
My family know ‘Everything’…at least thats what they think, they’re some things i havent told anyone….and probably never will….It has just made life awkward, and the arguements don’t stop, either about me or about my dad.
My new […]
Well, im still alive … i thought about it …. i can’t do it .. people depend on me and proud of my self .. i can’t do that to my mother .. she loves me soo much and she wont stop crying if i left. but i really cant help it but i said some things that i shouldnt have .. there is this girl in my school and she is just the biggest ***** … Taylor is her name … she has made my life a living hell .. she can’t ever leave me alone . she always  knows that she is bulling me […]
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
you know when you feel lower than everyone? your grades are not that high that no one lets you take a decision because they think youre too young… that everyone around you is aloud to tell you what you shouldnt do or be or even like, while you arent aloud to discuse with them….I’m here … lying in my bed thinking again about suicide… yes im sick of life like everyone! i’ve started to think about suicide since 6th grade… now im in secondary 4 … in overall i have problemes everywhere… whatever i may do people around me get dissapointed and if i do […]