Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s […]
Tag:
man
I am tired of being an incest survivor with no family or partner
Watching myself age alone
Feeling helpless and trapped
So much pain, no God to care, no man to care,
Nothing but SHIT
Worst of the worst
Never did drugs either or drank to excess
The world is nothing but PAIN
My heart feels like it is bleeding inside and out
Yes, I want to die, all the time
I am just tired of it all now
Life is hell with ptsd
HELL
Forgive me Lord
Oh yes, religion if hell too and the guilt
All
“The obsession with suicide is characteristic of the man who can neither live nor die, and whose attention never swerves from this double impossibility.” – Emile M. Cioran
Here I am new here to this web site. Here I will share a bit about me,ok? English is not my first language,so I am sorry if my writhing are bad.
I am in my early 50s. Now,I Will not bore you whit my whole life. I have had many many girlfreends. The problem,I cheat.I want to stop. Becose,, it is hurting them., Many have left me. I am to afraid to tell my current girlfreend that i am cheating on her.
I am sorry,many women i have been with., I have kids that we did not want. Now they know,everyone in my family knows. I Have […]
I have thought about committing suicide quite a few times, but I don’t have the guts to go through with it. I’m a burden on my family. My wife and kids would be so much better off without me. They could have a new “Dad” in their lives who didn’t screw things up and make a mess of everything. They might even get some insurance money to help them pay off the debt we’ve incurred because of me. I know it would hurt them and I know that many will say it’s selfish to commit suicide, but I’m not sure of another way to ensure […]
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
I felt life should end upon the last argument with my spouse, who accused me of thinking I’m superior to him, that I look down on hime because he is a black man, despite that we share the same race; and finally, calling me the b-word, saying f- you over and over again, telling me to go to hell, and calling me a drug addict and racist. I do not take any drugs. My life as you can all see, is a nightmare, and death will be a mighty fine relief. If you are a friend of mine, please look out for my daughter. I […]
yes, I survived, It’s been one year tonight since the paramedics revived me, I was dead for nearly 5 minutes, spent several in a coma – most days I wish they hadn’t revived me, my life has gone into a worse spiral since. I’m more alone now than ever and the process a year ago has left many distant and detached… but I survived, I struggle daily to stay positive, forcing smiles, false hope – but it always seems to be futile. I wonder if it really is all worth it, major depression, a neuro-muscular disorder, and an inoperable brain tumor – got lot’s of […]
By now you might have seen on the Internet the story of one “Jeremy Meeks” who has recently gained a reputation as “Hot Felon.” He has been the center of much attention after his mugshot was released showing what many consider to be a very attractive face. The purpose of my writing here is not to take a shot at Mr. Meeks. I hope that he will receive whatever punishment his crimes are due, certainly that he should repay his thefts, and other than that I have no concern towards him. It is what this man’s story has revealed so clearly about our deranged and unjust society, which I take interest in. My blood does […]
–If you are in a system you are not a free man( unless you are powerful, rich, influential)
–If you are out of system and living alone you don’t have a life( because life is real when shared)
–A human is not worth living if he don’t have a life
–Only action a human can do to get freedom is suicide
I’m one half of a dual-military family. My wife is deployed and I’ve been a shattered man since she left. We’ve been through some ups and downs before but we were always together to work through it. Not this time tho. We had a beautiful family. We had a plan for the future. At least that’s what I thought. I guess her plan was different. She has a beautiful family, once I’m out of it. Her plan for the future doesn’t include me.
This is just another in a pattern of losing all the women I’ve ever loved. Nobody stays…
Id like to share from an existential level and some insights that have occurred. Â I have explored numerous modalities to tap into that higher awareness our world so readily speaks about. Â And yes, I have had amazing experiences… But nevertheless, one always returns to the world of man.
i hear many spiritual teachers say that this planet is a school, a place to learn for souls, and that we create our experience before we entered the womb of our biological human mother.but honestly, what I see, is this logic is pure bullshit, cloaked and lessened with the same idea of man: that one must struggle to exist, […]
Hey i just checked out this site.. bc i been looking for ways to kill myself and.get over the fear of pain. I have accomplished. that and bc the girl im in love with chooses to ignore me she will see ill be dead within 2 weeks. Why wait you guys say. Well i did actually attemp to od and ju,p off a bridge into traffic but i puked before i took the pills and got scared. But i ha e done my research. I will die by a mix of pills and alcohol. I will drink till my bac is so high and take […]
I’m stuck in my life. I just got into a fight with my parents and they told me I stink. They’ve been hinting that they don’t want me living here a lot lately. I could hair get a job and move out but I’ve ruined my life at 19 because I have drug charges against me. I was smoking weed on campus and I got caught. Actually I was smoking because I thought the weed would make me feel better…. It doesn’t btw. Weed makes me feel even worse. I hate me man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shdiTRxTJb4
One was watching the other day a red-tailed hawk, high in the heavens, circling effortlessly,
without a beat of a wing, just for the fun of flying, just to be sustained by the air-currents.
Then it was joined by another, and they were flying together for quite a while;
they were marvellous creatures in that blue sky,
and to hurt them in any way is a crime against heaven.
Of course there is no heaven; man has invented heaven out of hope, for his life has become a hell,
an endless conflict from birth to death, coming and going, making money, working endlessly.
This life […]
I’ve tried to kill myself about .. 7 times. I’ve tried hanging.. Ended up blacking out and waking up to Demond’s and evil thing coming after me. I’ve overdosed 3 times. That ended with throwing up water and sleepless nights with ringing ears and sweaty palms. I was recently in a psychiatric hospital. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe depression. They put me on 3 different medications.. But I don’t take them. They make me foggy. I feel like people can read my thoughts and control them. I hear a man talking to me all the time. His name is 6. He leaves mean […]
So I started talking with a member of this community (well, a member of the unofficial side to this community, at the very least [shakinbakin]) and we were sharing tracks from our own soundcloud streams. Ended up getting the idea that we could combine his musical abilities with my spoken word poetry.
Whilst we were working on a new piece together, he started to mess around with one of the old pieces that I’ve posted here before, “There Once Lived A Man” so thought I’d share it here again, this time with the new arrangement.
Like always, the poem is posted below to help those that have […]
Remember when you were a kid and you did something you knew was going to earn you a trip to the woodshed? A lot of us kids when I was growing up had a place the old man would drag us to give us the “board” that was far enough out of the way that the whacks and screams wouldn’t make it back to your mother’s ears. That way the old man wouldn’t have to deal with her bitching about being to hard on you or risk getting the “It so upsets me when you do that” speech from her. It’s that feeling of impending […]
The neon stars, and planet.
We are so small, yet, the master work of this epic universe.
When we are content, we are happy to die.
What about those that …
I only know of me of my kind. My cerebro morlock race.
Don’t forsaken nobody, the sound of the ukulele.
Acidic. Acidic. I am the dark Molorck.
In my robe darkness, a bolero dying entity.
The skeleton and the dying tree. My chain.
In the world of cain. Holistic to the death.
What the fuck are you doing. Man.
In this reality, you can’t go back in time.
One more time, to infinity to the end.