what I would say

I am suicidal, but taking action to save myself feels more reasonable and less frightening than driving out of state, going to a bridge, getting very drunk, tying something heavy around my foot and jumping. I’ve fantasized about doing that. Anyway, I’m moving out on Monday, joining a recovery group for domestic abuse victims, and finally, focused on my certifications, school, finances and getting a divorce once and for all. The funny thing is, I never looked down on my husband, not once, but he began accusing me of this, acting very irrational and nearly coming to violence, cussing, getting up close to me like I were another man. He did become the disgraceful thing he accused me of thinking about him, which I never did think, untill he began acting in such hostile ways. It is ironic. I don’t understand what he’s become, but it’s filled with hate, resentment and desires to destroy me. This is not who I married, but over the years, this is what he has become, and he blames me for all of his faliures.