No matter how I try to be positive and make things better, there’s always an anvil waiting to fall on my head. There’s just so much crap one can endure. My perfect day is Friday. Sayonara.
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matter
For me Valentine’s day is a day which I love. Why? Because I, myself can give out love. Can make the people around me know that I truly love them. That I’m here for them no matter what. That I will help them. That we will fight together on any issue they have. But in a way I hate it. Why? Because all I want is to be loved. Loved by someone who won’t break my heart. Loved by someone who will help me through this. Loved my someone. Just loved. Is that too much to ask for? It’s all I ever […]
This is a sinking ship,
and all around me is water seeping into
my shoes filling it and making me remember
this is only temporary,
that we’re only temporary.
I keep trying to plug this hole in the side
of this boat, but no matter how much glue
I put on it,
it keeps filling up with water.
We don’t have much longer
before we drown,
you may be a skilled swimmer
but we’ll both go down if we don’t
get out now.
-FCS
I think I’m finally going to do it. Been depressed for too long. I’m 31 year old gorgeous woman with no kids but it doesn’t seem to matter. Every guy I date leaves me for some reason. The last guy I went out with left me because I’m a bartender for a living. Even though I make great money he doesn’t think I have a future. I’m sick of seeing all my friends getting engaged. I’m sick of everyone moving forward with their lives but me. I feel like a worthless loser who will be alone forever. I’m too depressed to try to change it. […]
Been dating a girl for almost a year now and we couldn’t be happier , but I’m scared because every girl I’ve ever been with has cheated on me… I mean I’m accustomed to being cheated on :/ its beome a fact of relationships for me, but this one hasn’t cheated on me…. but I’m sure she will And the thought of her with someone ELSE is gut wrenching and painful 🙁 I’m just SO scared that the day is coming… it always seems to. I’m never good enough and its only a matter of time before she sees I’m not good enough and she […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!
NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.
How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.
My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? Again sorry its so late… Well it’s really not that late… Only not really… It’s 9 here…. Soo yeah…
How am I? Does it matter? Does it matter how I am? Does it matter what I am feeling? No it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Only you matter. I don’t. So yeah…. Um yeah…
Here’s a monologue thingie:
I have it planned out. I wouldn’t say goodbye. I wouldn’t tell you. It’d be a surprise. You would think I am fine. Because I am. To you I am fine. To you I am doing just great. To you I am perfectly […]
Hi Guys,
Sorry it’s so late… I just don’t feel like posting anymore… I don’t feel like continuing with these daily posts… I just don’t feel like writing things down anymore. I think it’s better for me and for everyone if I just bottle things up. So…. I think I’m going to stop… I’ll keep writing… Just not every day… If you didn’t see one of my last posts about this topic here it is:
ive decided to bottle things up again. ive decided that it doesnt matter if im breaking, broken, or perfectly fine. it doesnt matter that i want a hug. it doesnt matter […]
ive decided to bottle things up again. ive decided that it doesnt matter if im breaking, broken, or perfectly fine. it doesnt matter that i want a hug. it doesnt matter that i feel so broken and in pain at times. it doesnt matter. me. i dont matter. my feelings dont matter. everything about me doesnt matter. what matters if you guys are okay. if you are okay good. i dont matter. it doesnt matter. my life. my feelings. my pain. it doesnt matter at all. what so ever.
ive also decided that im going to start lying. if you ask me how i am […]
Hi Guys,
Day 20! 20 daily posts!!! Woo… It’s been a rough and sad journey, BUT we are not done xD.
So how are you guys? (Comment below!!! I’ll try to answer…)
How am I? Physically: Drained Mentally: Drained
My physical state… I have a massive headache, I am terribly tired, I feel sick and blech and *sigh*. Right now it’s one of those moods, those depressed suicidal moods, but I will get through it alive… But maybe I won’t I don’t know…. I just need someone there ya know? I just *sigh* it doesn’t really matter how I feel I guess. I mean really does it? Does […]
I’m thirteen years old.  I don’t know if it’s true or not but for some reason I have the fact that my parents hate me implanted into my brain.  I can’t seem to be able to trust them no matter what.  They’ve been making fun of me for as long as I can remember.  Some days they’re always calling me names and screaming at me.  They always threaten and criticize me and make me feel like nothing.  They blow it off and say that they’re just being sarcastic and that I can’t take a joke, but I don’t laugh at any of their […]
bright screen
blinking cursor
eyes darting
fingers typing
dimmed screen
still cursor
eyes closed
fingers deleting
does it matter
what i say
does it matter
what i feel
do you care anymore?
do you worry anymore?
do you bother anymore?
do you listen anymore?
do i bother you?
do i annoy you?
do i irritate you?
do i disturb you?
Maybe you don’t care.
Maybe you don’t worry.
Maybe you don’t bother.
Maybe you don’t listen.
Are you really there for me?
Or am I just too clingy?
That you have to avoid me?
Maybe you’re too busy for me?
let me go
why do you care
just let me go
please
i might need to go
i feel suicidal right now
can i turn to you
no not really
you’re busy
and i can’t
because you’re depressed too
and you come before me
and i dont matter
so let me go
i dont know
why you care
maybe you do
maybe you dont
how should i know?
Today I’m going to lunch with my best friend/sisster. She knows my whole life story and I love her and respect her so much. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has been through a lot with me and I make up excuses and she doesn’t buy them so that’s how I know she will always be there for me know matter how many times I try to push her away. I’ve lost many friends buy pushing them away with all my excuses. I hope today goes well for me and I will let you all know how it goes.
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
maybe it does matter
that im broken
and sometimes very lonely
maybe it does matter
that i want to die
and sometimes i think i deserve to
maybe it does matter
that when i say im fine that its a lie
and in reality im so far from fine
maybe it does matter
that some people care about me
and others just hate me
maybe it does matter
that i should live
and not die
maybe it does matter…
but who knows?
maybe it doesn’t.
maybe it doesn’t matter that im broken
that im alone
that i want to die
that im not fine
that people care about me
that […]
So I really don’t have any reason to continue living. I don’t believe in God, and think the chances of our conscious dying when we die is very likely. We are our thoughts, so we are our brain, so when our brain dies, we die as our conscious become unconscious. You can’t be aware while unconscious, not of yourself, or anything. That may seem obvious, but many people don’t realize or understand this. So that means that we, in a sense, will no longer exist after we die. Our thoughts will stop, and we are our thoughts, so we stop. There will be no darkness […]
It’s petrifying how little from the world truly exists: only the now.
Such a narrow flickering glimpse.
The past is memory. The future is simulation. And they are both occurring in the now, the recalling of the memory, the playing of the simulation. Aren’t they?
But the mind refuses to admit it. The mind finds this microscopic now terribly boring. How can you compare this skimpy moment to the vastness of the past and the future? it asks.
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