In a constant tension. Things getting worse and worse. Can’t stop it. Nerves. Want to just get out of this trembling place, and go nowhere further. Tired of thinking, suppressing emotions. Frightened. Can not stand it. No more. Throughout my childhood I felt it, waves of strong pity and fright.Nerves. It all deepening, thickening inside myself…No hope. No soul power anymore.
Do not know why am I writing those meaningless words, shivering. Mechanically writing … wherever.
I hurt. For a long time. The world fell apart… it collapsed beneath my feet. Things took a horrible turn, and I thought it was over. My pain would be gone. My hurt. My life. It would all be gone. And it didn’t feel bad about it, in fact it felt amazing. Then, I stopped myself. And things got better. I tried harder. I made myself feel better. But when you think about it, your pain is always going to be there. It’ll never leave you. That’s exactly what happened. It all came crashing back.
I’ve helped my friends. They’ve all had thoughts too. But, I […]
Hello all,
I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions. I doubt that anyone will be convinced that this was the right decision. They are all too caught up in what they believe is sane or what they believe is “good” or “happy”. I believe it is my right to decide what I do with my life. It is my goddam decision! We all preach to the rest of the world about “freedom”. Well, how “free” are we really if society can’t accept someone’s decision to end their life? The word suicide is shunned and scorned. A person who commits such a […]
Here we go. Just tossing this essay of self-hate out there, so some sicko can read it and get their jollies off from my misery. Well, either that, or well-meaning people will drop some meaningless words of encouragement, sympathy, or advice.
Where should I start? I’m 26. I think about killing myself nearly every day. Things that I once found fun, I simply do to waste time. I no longer get any enjoyment from them. I’m in college, studying chemistry, but I really don’t see the point, and I don’t even know if I’m working toward a realistic goal. I work part time at a […]
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