In my mid 40s old, have lead a charmed life at times, always looking for the thing that would make me happy. Bottomline nothing can make anyone happy it comes from within. So how do you do that when the weight of the world and the consequences of poor choices and actions culminate into one gigantic crushing smoothering ball and chain. Reality becomes blurred and all you want to do is check out. My children and the fear of death and HELL up to this point keep me from doing the worst however as they are several states away and thier Mother is awaiting me […]
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Medicine
i’m 23 years old. my birthday is on the 13th and i keep thinking……..maybe i won’t make it til then. i’m a single mother of 2 kids. it’s definitely hard……but looking at how perfect they are makes everything worthwhile. i feel guilty for the way i feel. i never feel like i’m good enough. i hate myself so much that it’s hard for me to find the good in anyone else. i didn’t have a really horrible childhood. but when i was 8 my mom told me that my dad wasn’t really my dad….he was my step dad and my “real” dad lived in california. […]
When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to […]
I’m mildly obsessed with the idea of taking my life.
Almost any way possible if I can do it semi-passively. It’s almost ironic that I’m no longer afraid of heights because I’d like to fall from them. Right now, I’d like to go back downstairs and take the knife and start writing in my skin with blood. Conquer my fear of pain as well.
And I’d jut cut and cut and cut.
And if I accidentally let too much blood flow out? All the better.
Lately I’ve been trying to deal with food. I’ve been forgetting to eat every now and then and eating things with barely any calories […]
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