Wow, where to begin? I guess i can start off by saying this is not normal for me. Iv always been that girl that’s strong when nobody else is. Iv had straight As through high school and iv participated in a lot of sports and other activities. Iv been through many relationships, being dumped and doing the dumping. I lost the love of my life about 4 months ago, he was my rock, my support. He came into my life when things weren’t good at home, just when i was ready to say i couldn’t take it anymore.. the last 3 years iv depended on […]
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my life
Sorry if how I post is a bit unusual, but for me my life is unusual. I am always scared to talk about myself, I find it to be too selfish for me but for others it is fine. I have decided to slowly tell my story in bits and pieces where you don’t need to read any other post to understand what I am talking about but in order to understand my life if it interests you in any way, and I don’t see how it would I just wanted to type something so someone can see how I feel because I hide it […]
I’m not suicidal, just incredibly bored with life. I think that I’ve played too many video games, watched too many movies, cartoons throughout my life that I expect grand things out of reality. But as we all know, things are pretty mundane on planet Earth(save for wars and terrorist attacks; those are always good for a laugh).
Things are pretty sucky in my life right now. I’m living with an ex-girlfriend that my ego is still very much attached too. She’s an annoying **** but I enjoyed the sex, and like I said, she really knew how to stroke my ego and make me feel […]
Im living this life that isnt even mine. I dont know what im living for anymore..I was once a happy little girl but everything chance for me im not the same person anymore….how do I get my life back?
You say you understand but do you, do you feel the razor inside you?
Feel the demons around your head floating, finding every little thing you cant do, everything wrong with you,
Do you?
You see it’s like the disease is haunting me over and over and over, every day of my life i cant even have a good time.
But you understand.
Don’t you?
Today just couldn’t get any worse. Finally I get all ready for work, only to forget my bus card.. Go back home look around and still nothing..
What else can fucking go wrong in my life?
I’ve found that the more I slice myself the pain takes my mind off what’s happening in this world.. It would just be easier to just to end things quick but i will get there.. Eventually I will get there
this depression i cant get over. im almost 23 years old n life isnt life anymore. 10 years of this bullshit. numerous attempted suicides. july 5, 2012 i thought was it for me. i had taken 60+ pills. i just didnt care anymore. at one point i had it all. a job, school, living in my own apartment. today im jobless, living at home with my parents who could care less about my problems, and a single parent. that day i woke up and had completely given up on life. i remember the paramedics trying to talk to me. i was to drugged up for […]
I feel so goddamn helpless and hopeless. anxiety, paranoia, apprehension, guilt, fear and pain are my companionship, they seem to never leave my side.
As far as I can remember, the happiest time in my life was kindergarden, I was carefree and enjoyed life, when grade school started the world around me got colder, and gradually, things got worse and worse….. people, other human beings, are the root of my misery. Instead of being the popular kid in kinder garden, I started grade school and had no friends, other kids often treats me with as insignificant. I was socially isolated and had very few friends. other […]
I live a life that’s not really mine. My mother has been emotionally and physically abusing me since I was a young girl. My father left when I was only seven years old, and lives with his fancy girlfriend. He doesn’t care what happens in my life. I acheive high grades, I have friends, and I seem like a normal girl externally. Internally, I am forever suppressing an intense desire to put an end to my life. I only find comfort in dance, music, poetry, and for some strange reason, science. However, I dread every moment I spend at home with my mother. I live […]
Its been some time since my last post, maybe a week maybe two. Time has been slipping past so fast I barely even notice it. It still is the same grey world but now there is something different about it. I gave myself a fighting chance. After I had posted I felt a small relief on myself my story was out somewhere and none judged it, instead they offered support and wishes for well being. Thats when I decided upon something.
I will make a stand for who I am and what I want. I refuse to beaten and pummeled by something that is not even […]
If somehow you found yourself already having resolve and reason to kill yourself how would you do it?
For me (and I know its “selfish” and wrong) it would be suicide by cops because even though I think of myself as a waste of space I think just killing myself would not accomplish much on my agenda; might as well take the people I hate with me right? I mean if I just up and killed myself through hanging or jumping or whatever …who would care? no one. might as well release what has been pent up inside me for all my life in my last […]
I am not happy. I don’t ever really remember a time  I was ever truly happy.  That’s the first time I have ever admitted that to myself.  I talked to my mother last week she said that her children are what give her a reason to fight when ever she feels down. What if  you don’t have anything to make you fight to stay. That’s were  I am in my life right now.  I never loved or been loved, If i was to leave this earth today it wouldn’t  impact any ones life. I could be happy. So when there is nothing else […]
People tell you to not kill yourself and they give you every fucking reason to do it. How’s about it’s my life and I will deal however I feel like I can to get over the pain. Someone hurts you and then tells you how to deal? That’s just bullshit. I believe if you don’t want to go through pain, you shouldn’t cause it in the first place. You can’t call yourself a good person and then go around using people. I never thought a piece of ass was so damn worth hurting someone over. Or money for that matter. I always thought that as […]
yes I wish I could just give my life to someone who was dying for some one facing death yet  wanted to live that’s how bed I want to die im going to end my life soon as I find a good way to end it im 51 years old and sick of life
I’m not even sure why I’m on here again… my life is in no immediate danger, but who know how long that will last. Some good things have happened to me an honestly I can say I enjoyed it. I graduated from college and got my diploma. I took my boards and passed them. Overall, I was ok, or well as ok as someone like myself could be. At the same time I’ve been clean for almost 5 months now. I haven’t cut or burned myself no matter how badly I wanted to. With all good things come the bad. I had to move back […]
i don’t want to kill myself i just can’t live anymore. this is not a life. i can’t be who i know i am i have to be what somebody else thinks i am. my life is defined by them. not who i am TODAY. i hate my life, i truly mean that, i have nothing, and i can’t just live life. i am my own person. I’m not what somebody else thinks of me. but what difference does it make if i can’t show them that! i have to go on everyday like this?! the only person i care about is the one who […]
I tried to hang myself last night. I have Schizoaffective disorder, BPD, PTSD and Anxiety and Depression. I feel like I have no one to talk to and everyone that I do talk to thinks I’m whiney. I have problems with my body and the doctors don’t see anything wrong. It’s so hard for me to walk and my insurance will be up at the end of next month. I will get a biopsy on Monday and they said that it could make my situation worse, plus they are going to stick a needle in the most sensitive area in my body. It’s so depressing […]
I don’t exactly know why I’m posting this. I don’t believe that I will kill myself, at least not yet. Although the thoughts are there. Constantly. I have thought about how I want to go, why I want to go, and the impact it would have on those who love me. It will be painful for them, I understand that. They will however live their lives. Without me. I’ve become a burden, a failure of a man. A failed marriage, failed fatherhood, failed life. I have no dignity left. No hope for the future left. No hope for happiness. My story is rather simple, and […]
I’ve been a shy person most of my life. It was when I entered college that I felt outgoing for the first time in my life. I’ve always thought my shyness came from an underlying fear of losing someone that I know (i.e. a friend, family member, etc.) My first experience with loss was when I was 5 years old. My brother was only 18 years old and died from a drowning accident. More recently, this past December 12th, I lost my mother. What bothers me the most about my mother’s passing is that her cause of death is unknown. The autopsy reports should be […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate my life. I hate this world. We’re so fucked up. In the way that people are. The way we act, the way we have to live. I just don’t know if I can be a part of it anymore. And I don’t know if I’ll make it to the end of the week.
I just wanted to get better. To get these things out of my head. To stop seeing things, to stop hearing things. To stop hurting myself and everyone else. To know what’s real and what’re not. But everything’s just gotten worse. […]