needs help

I wish, more than anything that I wasn’t so alone in the world. I try to confide in others, but I’m afraid to. Once you hear something, it can’t be unheard. I don’t want things to change between me and my friends. My family, I don’t know what to say. We’re not close. I’ve grown up in an abusive home for years. I’m still stuck here, I’m saving up to get out but I’m not there yet. I’ve prayed for death so many times. I wish I was out, I wish there was something better, I wish I could be stronger. Can anyone hear me?