I’ve been strangling myself with a belt, all day and night. I try so hard to keep it on, but things call me out of my room and I can’t walk out with it around my neck. I don’t want to live but I want to go out this way, as I just relax and watch something until I fade out. I know if I don’t go soon, I’ll lose everything again.
Tag:
night
Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t […]
Losing one’s mind can really make you lose your mind. I lost mine, and as though it doesn’t make much sense, because I haven’t found it yet, I feel like I keep losing it.
Like I’m falling an endless hole, like I’m drowning in a bottomless sea. Just when I think it can’t get any worse my inner demons welcome me to a new and improved methods of suffering. I can’t fucking take it anymore.
I make a plan. 3AM. Overdose. Yet every night at 2:59AM I bail. I just go on dying. Oh well.
I gave up the search for my lost mind. They say when things get […]
I can’t take this depression anymore and I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard and I’m always surround by people that love me but yet I feel so alone. I’ve been depressed for 5 years and it has gotten better through the years but this week it has gotten so much worse that I can’t take it anymore. I know I will be hurting a lot of people but they get better during time cause time heals everything. And i’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.
Today as usual I woke up with anxiety barely letting me breathe, wanting to cry and going crazy in my head! I’ve been thinking for days now about overdosing but I’m such a stupid coward and I’m so scared of what comes after… I like to think in my head that once I kill myself I’ll go and be happy with my three babies, I’m 20 and yes, I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and I feel like that’s the biggest reason why I feel so depressed all the time, I miss them! I didn’t ever get to feed them, or hear them cry, they never got […]
I found it so hard to get out if bed this morning. I used to consider myself a Christian. So I prayed last night. Because I feel like I am fighting myself. Too many times I am fighting the urge to cut again or to pop pills. I feel like if anyone can help, the big man upstairs can because if he doesn’t I won’t be here much longer. I am constantly trying to stay strong, but I am not sure how long I can hang on. Honestly, any night could be the night.
Thank you guys so much for welcoming me so soon. I came upon this website because I have anxiety OCD where I have reoccurring thoughts of killing myself and I usually find myself researching suicide late at night when I can’t sleep which has been very often lately. I came to this website as a source of relief but didn’t think id actually hear from anyone else especially not so soon. & so now I have a good feeling about this place . Thnks so much .
There is always someone in this world who cares about you..
Just because you don’t think there is doesn’t mean your correct..
I know that I have no idea who you are or what you look like but I CARE!
If I didn’t care then I wouldn’t be here..
I know what you’re going through I have scars running up and down my arm..
I feel so lonely sometimes and I cry myself to sleep almost every night..
I really do know how you feel I promise..
You’re so beautiful/handsome inside and out
I love you
You don’t deserve to end everything like this you deserve much better!
I may cut but I’ll never end […]
After my divorce and being emotionally beaten down on a daily basis, I met this wonderful guy online. Things moved fast he moved in after only a couple weeks. He always had pool or guys game night and would leave his daughter with me but he always came home. I believed everything he told me….three months later he left and moved right in with this other chick. We had our huge blow up and then started sleeping together again. It’s been almost two years now and he”dates” people and even lives with them but is always hanging out with me because I claim I’m fine […]
A family who constantly makes things worse for you. Call you harmful names that push you over the edge every night.
Friends who see what’s happening to you but never speak up. No matter how many hints you give they will never help.
Teachers who see you struggling but look the other way.
Coworkers who see your smile fading each day yet never ask questions.
Why?
“She’s so lucky, she’s a star
but she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinking:
if there’s nothing missing in my life
then why do these tears come at night?”
I like staying busy… When I am busy my mind can stay off all the negative things in my life. But when the music stops and it’s quiet. I find myself all alone… My mind goes into a whole another world…
i just wanna pop the pills and take one too many….
i just wanna fall sleep and never wake up…
but i fight these thoughts every night in hope that one day things will get better. I pray they will get better because of they don’t I am not sure how long I will last… I am only human…
I know that one day, you will leave me. I dream of you every night. I used to have normal dreams, but now they turned into the most morbid dreams that you could ever imagine. Why won’t this leave me alone? Why cant this leave me alone. I wake up not knowing what to think. What to think of you. What to think of “my life”. “Our life”. Our poor kids. That’s the only thing that keeps me holding on. That and the fact that I’m to ***** to do it. My whole Family hates me. Cast me off. No friends left, no home left. I […]
I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought […]
the vampire diaries is her favorite show, so here i am, on a saturday night, by myself as always, watching this show and seeing all of these romantic loving relationships, something i wanted so badly with her. i refuse to live my life without her, i cant do it. the only reason im being a miserable loser here is because i wont allow anybody close to me know that i feel this way. once i grow a pair and actually decide to end it, theyll never see it coming.
Ah man, the 2 year mark is closing in on me. It’s gonna be here so fast, i don’t even have proper time to prepare myself. It’ll just hit me, like everything hits me.
Like the memories that creep in, late at night. Or the details i don’t want to forget. Or the feelings, the emotions, every little thing my heart and soul feel. It always hits me, when i’m least prepared. Late nights, lonely late nights.
There’s still so much sadness.
And then there’s anger.
Because for fucks sake, i hate it when people ask if “im over it yet”. Or when people say we […]
Tonight is my final night
I bid you all farewell and hope you find contentment and serenity in this life
We shall meet once more in the afterlife
This is my final goodbye xxx
Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
****found the [edit] button sorry
Everyone falls asleep at night around me and I’m left alone in the dark with my thoughts and the sound of the traffic outside. Sometimes I wonder what the lives of the people in the cars outside are like. Not sleeping gives you so much time to think.
I’ve come to hate the daylight. As much as I hate loneliness, being alone in the dark late at night feels so much more secure. I guess that is the time when people can’t mess with me as much – they’re all off in their dreams and resting. I don’t sleep much anymore anyway; except sometimes during the day when it serves the purpose of keeping the rest of the world away from me.
It’s a bad thing to do I know. Isolation feeds depression and anxiety, but I know myself well enough to know that I won’t always choose what’s right just because I know […]