After my divorce and being emotionally beaten down on a daily basis, I met this wonderful guy online. Things moved fast he moved in after only a couple weeks. He always had pool or guys game night and would leave his daughter with me but he always came home. I believed everything he told me….three months later he left and moved right in with this other chick. We had our huge blow up and then started sleeping together again. It’s been almost two years now and he”dates” people and even lives with them but is always hanging out with me because I claim I’m fine with it. We have always had amazing sex and before i met him I didn’t have that. I despised it . Is there something wrong with me? These other girls never know about me but I know about them. I feel like a messed up unloved freak. He buys these other girls flowers, takes them to dinner…I know this cuz his bank statements come here….he hasNEVER done anything for me. He claims I get his junk and that should be good enough. Wtf is wrong with me?
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Not gonna make some grand statement about what might be wrong with you based on the one paragraph I know about you. Suffice it to say some of us feel so lonely inside and broken that we will settle for any small scraps of attention that resemble “love” that we can get. You’d have to go into your own mind and personal history to figure out why you might be this way. Only you can know why you might be settling for this type of treatment rather than deciding you either deserve a fully committed relationship or that you are okay with just being single. What doesn’t change from situation to situation is the prescription to fix it, cutting people off and going no contact is the only way out of things like this, and nobody ever likes the taste of that medicine. He just sounds like a flake and a bad person and the best thing you could do for yourself is put a stop to it. Going along with someone who is only willing to give you crumbs sends them the message that you are willing and able to accept and settle for that.
You need to believe in yourself. That you deserve better.
I’m sorry your boundaries are being beaten down by this creep. I’ve been through the agony of giving another person too much power over me and it can be devastating. Damned right, you deserve better.
I ended up giving my life away to someone for the very same reasons you have after a long, miserable and corrupt marriage that left me feeling like a sexual corpse. I believed everything I wanted was evil and nothing I could give was good enough. Then I met a person that made my dreams come true. The short story is I put my heart and soul in her hands and she dumped me for one of the most evil and vile bastards I ever met. And that was a fatal wound.
The point is the right person for you is out there. I know how hard it would be for you to tell this “Adonis” to hose off – I know how hard it would be for you to tell him he cannot use you anymore. But you have to do it. Otherwise he will control you night and day for the rest of your life.
No, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just living with a broken spirit and a broken heart and hanging on to the few fragments of something that you believe defines you. Please try and take back the power you gave away; if you can do that everything will become clear and you will be free from the bondage.
You deserve so much better. Please believe that.
– peace
You deserve better than that creep, sweetie. You can find a decent guy, you really can. But first you gotta kick this guy to the curb. Don’t let him use you like this. He’s just keeping you from finding the right person.
<3
Oh, and if you think he’s really treating these other women better, think again. He’s just prepping them the way he did to you, and once you leave one of them will become his substitute whipping post. Do you REALLY think he cares about THAT many women in any kind of genuine way? No. This guy doesn’t have the ability to feel love for anyone other than himself. Ditch him, run away as fast as you can, and never look back. Find a good man. They do exist, but you have to be a little more discriminating. If a guy seems TOO good to be true, well… you know where I’m going with this one, right?
Yeah this guy’s a womanizing, slime-dripping piece of shit. Do yourself a huge favor and cut off all contact with him. Don’t ever have anything to do with him again. And then take a nice, long break from dating again until you get yourself together.
Your sense of self-worth has probably been completely destroyed at this point, and it’s going to take a lot of time and healing to get to feeling better again. And in the meantime, try educating yourself about the more dangerous kinds of men (control freaks, abusers, misogynists, narcissists, psychopaths, sexual predators, etc.) so you are able to pick up on the early warning signs and don’t have to go through this again in the future.
Thank you all for the replies. I know deep down I deserve better. I have a huge heart and would do anything for the one I love…unfortunately it’s this man . I’ve tried to leave and I just can’t do it. I miss him and come running back. He knows when I’m doubting my lifestyle with him and he’ll start a conversation about how much he really does love me because I’m always there for him..melts my mind and we start all over. Walking away is just to hard. I don’t have that kind of willpower.