I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought that after I some what got over my anxiety.. I would be happy… but I’m not.. I’m not happy…
I smile and make others around me smile.. but deep down I think of ways to end my life…
Will I ever be happy?
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I have asked myself, ” why am I not happy” so many times. Ever since I was 15 or 16, I have been thinking about death a lot and when will life get better. Then, I turned 20, then 22, then 26, then 30, and now I’ve reached 35. And I’m still miserable and cursed. I remember when I was in my 20s, I read somewhere on the internet of someone wanting to close his eyes and die. That’s how I feel every day. I want to close my eyes and peacefully die. Life is like a nightmare. I want the nightmare to end. Why was I born? Why am I living? Why am I not happy? I just can’t understand life.
I’m feeling the same way right now. Hopefully it’s just a transition point where we figure out what is wrong and sort it out. Maybe in the long run it’ll help us figure out where we wanna be.
I hope so too.. just the fact of admitting I have a problem hurts.. especially since I don’t know why I’m this unhappy
It takes a while to figure out. For me it was a sequence of events which led me to understand my past history’s impact on me. A psychologist with the same experience helped shed some light. I’m lucky I have contact with good ones.
I feel the exact same way ‘whereisthepeace’