I want to disappear
I don’t want to kill myself, and I also don’t want to bring any pain to myself.
I just want to be nonexistent. Just pass on by and nobody notices a thing.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t born. Maybe I’m just weird. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t belong here.
Everyone else knows that I don’t belong, so why can’t I just fall into the void.
i find some days my desire to fight for life is almost nonexistent. Like today, I really just want it to be over. I know I have to now because I feel like it’s to close to the holidays. It’s like I’m committed till at least the first of the year now. 🙁 I just really hate everything
I was temporarily away. Everything came to be too much, leaving me bedridden for a few days. I slept so much that my bed began to stink and my body began to rot, in a sense.
I really didn’t want to return. I had left behind a huge mess, thinking that I was finally going to exit for good and consequently avoid it.
But, unfortunately, I’m still here. My method was poorly carried out that Wednesday morning.
So, fine. Physically, I’m here. I’m present. On this planet, I have mass.
Spiritually, though, I’m gone. I’m away. I’m not “beyond”, but I am absent.
When I came back the next week, […]
One thing I noticed recently is my life resembles a hailstone, i.e. severe ups and downs. There’s actually a way to represent this mathematically (and yes, I am going somewhere with this!)
Take any natural number N. If N is even, divide by 2 (to obtain N/2); if N is odd, multiply by 3 and add 1 (3N+1). Repeat this sequence.
I’ll work out a brief example. Let’s start with 3:
3 is odd, so we multiply by 3 and add 1 to get 10.
10 is even, so divide by 2, to get 5.
5 is odd, so multiply by 3 and […]
Admittedly, I don’t post prolifically, but I read the posts here every day. A lot of times, the selfishness of parents comes up (i.e. “they’re selfish, I didn’t ask to be here!”), and I totally agree with such sentiments. In fact, I’m here to post a true story that, I think, highlights such selfishness in an obviously negative way. I should mention that I’m actually not the subject of this story; rather, it is comprised of bits and pieces of blog posts by somebody named Anne McCarthy, about her son James (presumably James McCarthy). It is deliberately told in a somewhat […]
Isn’t it fun when you see someone you used to know, get a glimpse of how successful and fruitful their life has been, and meanwhile the only thing you can hope to do is die.
Because you’re such a fucking failure and your life is nonexistent, all you can hope to do is die.
Some spark of the old competition flares up in you, but it’s silly because you fail so hard at life.
I have attended four highschools, all completely different. With completely new teachers, new classes, and new classmates. With each school year I’ve been that girl who rarely spoke, the girl who just went to school then went back home.I had no life, because I never opened up and allowed people to get close to me.
Every new school year my mother says I’ll find some new friends who won’t stab me in the back, but every time I’m invited to hang out, my mother says no. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know these people, and I think ‘how will you ever know them if […]
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