It’s not that I’m unattractive, I’m just embarrassed by my face; I hate moving my mouth in front of people; I hate when people look at me. I try to be social but I just creep people out, and that just puts me two steps backwards. My brain is slowing down. I can’t remember words or concepts I need to communicate with people. My brain has become so tired I struggle to remember correct sentence structure when speaking. I am thrust into all of these social activities because of my boyfriend and I constantly embarrass him. Sometimes he catches me staring at nothing and asks […]
Tag:
nothing
I have been MIA for awhile, had to deal with all the crap in my life. And to be honest I’m numb so numb that I wonder if the pain was honestly so bad that I had to shut it off like this. Other times I question whether I ever truly cared in the first place. I loved this guy once and he broke my heart and soul TWICE. And I feel nothing, absolutely nothing at all not even a little something. I look at him, I’ve kissed him again just to see how it would make me feel. And yet there is nothing I […]
school starts tomorrow again.
nothing to look forward to there. friends who don’t care about me. teachers who dont try to help me but simply try find every way to get me kicked out. I’m fighting for my education. failing computer class. that’s only the beginning of it. my boyfriend left me. because he doesnt wanna deal with my bullshit anymore. can I blame him? I’m suicidal, I’ve got hundreds of cuts on my arms, legs, stomach. My family disowned me. I’m only 16. last week I went to jail for beating a girl up. a girl who deserved it but I hit her first. now […]
“Keep it in
Don’t let it out
You have to be strong
You can’t be weak
You have to move on
Don’t let them see
That you’re in pain
Don’t let them notice
That you’re slowly breaking
Don’t cry in public
But instead in your room
With the door closed
The music blasting
So they don’t hear the sobs
They can’t hear the screams
Though they never would
Even without the music
Because the screams you scream
Are silent like the night
You can’t let them know
You have to go on
Live on being strong
Don’t trip and fall down
Because there is no […]
I’ve been married for eight years. Before that I was married to someone else for five. So I haven’t been by myself for a very long time. I have two children, a boy and a girl. They are the reason I haven’t done it yet.
I understand now why I am always sad, and why I fall in love with men who can’t love me back. My parents could never love me and there is a hole in my heart where there ought to be confidence. I was raised to be a good christian girl and always serve others. I was never supposed to want […]
Yup. I’m giving up on the hope that anyone will tell Alexis to knock it the fuck off. No matter how many times I complain, or how many times I blatantly say I want to talk to the store manager about this and file harassment charges, nothing happens. He gets to go around telling people that he has an ex who’s pregnant. Well, guess who the first person people think of when he says “ex”…yup, me. Ok, I want this set straight. I’m a virgin. Never done it. Probably never will. Explain how I get pregnant…other than the God thing, but seeing as I don’t […]
I’ve decided to create an account today, because it is my final attempt to have my voice heard. Efforts will be made to console and reassure me that the world of hell that I’ve been imprisoned in for twenty-two years is worth living; I’m beyond approach. I’m a girl who was born into a highly dysfunctional family, to a mother who showed nothing more than apathy towards me, to a fatherless home. That’s not why I’m here. My upbringing didn’t bring me to the place that I’m at right now.
My mother died when I was in twelfth grade and the depression and underlying psychological […]
She says I never had it
This dark cloud above my head
Because the pills didn’t make it better
It’s all inside my head
Of course it’s in my head I say
Depression isn’t just chemical imbalance
It’s a mentality
A way of living
A way that’s mine forever
Just get over it
You’ve got nothing to be depressed about
Just think happy thoughts
And tell us if you’re going to hurt yourself
Your words hurt more than any blade
No razor on earth can amount to the pain
Your words have caused me
It’s not a simple scratch
There’s no pretending it’s not there
If I accept myself and my life- will that stop me from not trying to solve my Major Problem that’s causing me a great deal of shame and sense of worthlessness?
If I don’t, won’t that just make me forever miserable?
When my efforts fail and fail and nothing gets better, of course I want to end it all.
Then something may snap me out of that mood, but it is only temporary.
Because my efforts will still fail and fail and for as long as they fail will I have no hope and for as long as there is now hope will I want to leave…
Yet if I […]
I remember looking into the mirror and being disgusted at the pitiful, worthless person I saw before me. I loathed myself, everything about myself. I was fearful of the world around me and felt suffocated by the pain that I had endured. My life meant nothing, I was nothing.
Now I sit here reading all of these posts, all of these reflections of me and my heart bleeds. I remember not so long ago feeling this way. Planning my death and thinking about how my suicide would be successful this time around if I did it this way or that way.
After something particularly devastating […]
I always say things I shouldnt and I always mess things up so im just gonna stop talking to people then I cant mess anything up because there is nothing to mess up and ill be alone anyway so no one to hurt when I die
Whether you want to be buried, cremated or idk, what would you like your ideal funeral to be like? (Assuming you’d want one)
For me, it’d be small and intimate. I’ve told my family one million times, I’d much rather be cremated. I think it’s cheaper and more environmentally-friendly. No viewing, in my opinion, would be necessary. Just remember  me the way I was. Nothing fancy.
Ideally, I’d like my ashes to be thrown into some body of water–which one? I really don’t care.
How about for you all?
I’m not falling for the hoax
This sick twisted joke
Nothing is real
Except the emptiness that I feel
Keep the stories to yourself
As you file my memory on the shelf
I won’t let my conscience get in the way
Before I let the silence take me away
i just realized that i stayed up the whole night drinking and doing nothing. its 7 AM. and i’m quite drunk. is this bad? I’m usually pretty good about my alcohol consumption.
I’ve done nothing to nobody yet I’m somehow the most hated person at my school I want my life to get better but everyone makes it worse I just want everyone to leave alone why can’t people do that WHY I get it I’m a horrible person I’m an asshole I’ve done nothing right in my life but I just want this suffering to end Ive never wanted to die so badly there is no fucking god and if there is he hates me I only want the hurt to stop once just once I want this to go away I’ve tried everything and I […]
Frankly, I believe I’m growing weary; tired.
Not quite sleepy tired, why I’m finding it more and more difficult to become sleepy at night anymore (hence why I’m up at 11:27 p.m. feeling fully awake) but tired of something else.
Perhaps I’m tired of waiting. I believe I have full reason to be tired of waiting, for I’ve been waiting eight months for him. (M.A.B.) Eight goddamn months.
Why do people have to go through such heartbreak and disappointment? For I have waited and waited just so that nothing will happen.
I feel like suicide. Too bad all my overdose attempts never work.
have been suicidal for a while now.. currently on meds but I feel hopeless. nothing every gets better.. idk what to do and need help.
I’ve ruined everything. I destroyed all that I loved.
I’ve come to believe that I made everyone hate me.
Nothing can save me, because they wouldn’t if they could.
I made friends worry for me over my mistakes, it destroys me, and I know this is my fault.
I make my own family want me to leave, at only the age of 13.
They won’t admit it, but i know it. As everyone says, “actions speak louder than words.” and their actions show how much of a dissapointment.
But I cannot do it.
They will think it is their fault.
And that only will make […]
I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’ve told him so many times that I never want to hurt him, but that I know I will, and he just stays. I keep giving him chances to get out of the relationship, but he keeps saying that he’s staying. I’m still planning on killing myself, I haven’t picked a new date yet though. I don’t know what to do to make it hurt him less though. I feel bad because I know it’s going to be really hard on him, but I just can’t stay here much longer. I’ve waited […]
My mom has just been giving me this look of utter pity as if I was just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. As if at any moment I’ll try again. I love her to death and I know she is only worried for me but I can’t stand for her to do this to me. Her looks kill me more each day knowing I caused so much harm to her. What hurts me the most is that things won’t be the same anymore and its all my fault..