as a person I can generally endure alot losing friends, doing bad in school, arguments with my family, deadlines, a slowly declining bank account and other daily stresses i can survive a lot on my own but today everything kindof just got to me a litl bit. Today i felt my heart seriously racing im not even exagerrating it got to the point where i thought i was gona hav a heart attack. Im on the skinny side too it wasnt really due to physiological causes it was mostly just me getting to that level of stress. im striving to b a doctor/surgeon n im […]
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One Of These Days
I am scared that I will kill myself one of these days.
I am a Christian. I was raised in an environment that told me suicide is a sin (the whole suicide is the murder of oneself, and murder is a no-no).
I am an immigrant. My parents emigrated from their birth place so I could have a better future. I’m tired of being such a failure to them. I know that I’ve fallen way short from their expectations and I feel like I’ve failed them when they’ve placed so much hope in me. I feel like I’m a waste of space, a financial drain on them. […]
i feel like i have a shit life even if people say im lucky. i have a dad who now cant even talk to me or even keep his promise. so yes i feel like a peice of shit because the only thing i want know is for him to actually care but i guess it is usless. all i ever do is try and hope. hope things will get better hope that ill have an actual family. but im done trying to hope for things that wont happen i give up.
i wish someone would shot me, cut me so deep and have me somewhere […]
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I’m sick of looking at myself in the mirror. I’m sick of my boyfriend looking at pictures of these perfect girls on his computer while I sit right next to him and soak in my self hatred. I wish I could be better I wish I didn’t have to make excuses for myself, I wish I had the strength to change. but instead I die inside everyday, as I pick myself apart bit by bit… I don’t even worry about the scars anymore, what’s the point. one of these days I’ll build up enough courage to pushthe razor a little deeper, then I’ll never […]
I feel no different from a dead person. Even though much of the things that happn to me are normal, my brain is not. I’m getting tired of trying to fight. That’s the least I could do for the people who care about me. Like today, I just feel empty and flat. I do normal things and react to situations like any other regular person would. But everythings feels so distant from me. It’s like I’m living but not feeling. It’s like I’m here but I’m not really here. Just like a dead person.
How long can I stay like this? If I die now, will […]
Kinda new to this, figured i need to share my story with someone, anybody.
by ad123
written by ad123
Ive Dealt with depression ever since middle school, and yes i believe it has gotten progressively worse throughout the years. I was never really the popular person or noticed even when i was at school or at home, and many family issues, i just felt like i was always just around to fill in a needless gap. Ive gotten good at acting like i was fine whether it be to what friends i do have as well as my family, but lately ive just been breaking down and i feel like all im doing is heading toward a downward spiral. My suicidal demon has always […]
I’m so over this! I can’t believe the things you say sometimes. I thought we were friends before this week, I even liked you most of the time unlike everyone else. Every time everyone else would be talking about how annoying you are and how much they hated you I never joined in, because I thought we were ok. I tried so Damn hard to be friends with you, and to answer your questions about religion but apparently nothing I did matters at all! I hate you so much right now! When you say things like, “Aspen and Makell are the ones that helped me the most,” […]
Why? Just why, is it that it’s always the same thing that happens over and over and over? People just constantly use me and never for a second take into consideration what I do for them? I’m sick of always being the one looking after everyone. The one who’s always there. The one who’s never appreciated, not even for a second. Everyone just always takes me for an absolute fool. I’m sick of it. I really am. I’d love just for a while if people could actually see how lonely I really am. Just how shit everything really is. But no one could be bothered […]
As the title states, this is my first post. I don’t even know what  to say except that life feels meaningless.
If I wasn’t such a chicken shit I’d probably have offed myself back in college, but I’ve always been too scared to do it.
My depression started like a spiderweb crack– at first, it was isolated, but now it has spread and I feel like I bring misery to everyone who loves me. I lose everyone who gets close to me because they meet me and I seem so great and bubbly and fun to be with, and then they slowly have to watch me sink […]
I have the option of taking discounted driving lessons through school. I am one of the few people my age who flatly rejected this offer. I don’t want to learn to drive. There are a few reasons for this that I’ve explained to people- traffic freaks me out and I’m scared of somehow killing someone- but although both are true, the main reason I don’t want to drive is the temptation.
If I had a car and the ability to drive, it would be all too simple to purposely crash into a wall or something really fast (although I’d never let it kill another, I’d make […]
Middle of the night you wake up, sweaty, confused, afraid. That same old feeling of dread hits you. Why can’t you sleep? Every night it’s the same fuckin thing.
You wake up hating yourself and wishing you were dead, you start to think of Cutting, that always works.
But tonight Cutting doesn’t help, you are overwhelmed by a strong hatred for your life and a desperate need to kill yourself.
You remember the Plan
You dig around, it’s here somewhere, you wrote it yourself, you knew it would come in handy one of these days.
As you read your own hand writing you are drawn to a happier […]
I just slept for a long time, but all I can say is that right now I feel exhausted.
I’m tired of everything in my life at the moment.
I’m tired of the endless monotony of school and exams. I have a countdown to summer in my Planner, but knowing I still have 95 days does not do a lot to comfort me.
I’m tired of people, and the person I’m expected to be.
I’m tired of myself, and the person I’m too afraid to be.
I’m tired of the fact that everywhere I’m just not good enough anymore.
I can’t do anything properly and just fuck it all up when […]
No not at the self harming but what happens if i die. I’m always afraid i might regret it after it’s already been done. I’m afraid i’m going to hurt people but then again, i don’t think anyone cares. I try my best to get rid of these horrible thoughts but at the end of the day i always realized it’s going to flood my mind and i’m afraid that one of these days i might actually do it. Sorry if it’s not a story but i just felt the need to get that out.
Ok, so apparently, being suicidal is a bad thing.
They approach my “condition” with scorn.
They ask me, “Why can’t you just be normal like everyone else?”
They throw pills in my face and tell me to get better… As if it was that simple. LOL… I’m a waste of space in this morbid world, and, pills aren’t going to make it all better. So far, they haven’t. And it’s been quite some time now. 🙁
Honestly, I don’t wanna be like this… ‘I am (in the words of Korn) clearly broken and no one knows what to do’~ >_>
So apparently, being suicidal is a […]
Because I’m not the one that wants to end my life. My Girlfriend just called me 20 minutes ago and said she was getting ready to jump off a local bridge thats about 120 ft high. She hasnt picked up the phone since that call. I only hope she was bluffing, but she has brought this up more and more over the last few monthes, including one failed attempt with Valium where I had to take her to the hostpital and have her stomach pumped. When they told her they were going to put her in a phychriatric ward she flipped out and had me […]