I have an amazing beautifal sweet caring loving girl. She’s psychologically sound and cant understand my plight. As i was doing so good for a while. I had a job making 32 bucks an hour 64 on weekends and i threw it all away for no other reason then i didnt like it and hated the boss. I sometimes wonder if having a girl who’s been where im at would be any different? One who understands me. From experiance. Like we could help each other . My girl is too normal as wierd as that sounds and i feel like shit sayin it
All these people seem so happy. And by happy, I mean at least mildly content. I used to enjoy the 4th, as well as many other things. So many people with their significant others. Years have passed since I’ve had one. I don’t blame girls. It’s me. I walk around all day depressed and utterly hopeless. I have no passion for anything anymore. At least I don’t have any kids to screw up. That’s why I used condoms back in the day. One more of me running around??? That would just be cruel. Some might find this upsetting, but I have great respect for those […]
You just stood there screaming
Fearing no one was listening to you
They say the empty can rattles the most
The sound of your voice must soothe you
Hearing only what you want to hear
And knowing only what you’ve heard
You you’re smothered in tragedy
You’re out to save the world
You still stood there screaming
No one caring about these words you tell
My friend before your voice is gone
One man’s fun is another’s hell
These times are sent to try men’s souls
But something’s wrong with all you see
You you’ll take it on all yourself
Remember, misery loves company
I stand looking at myself in the mirror and what do I see….?
One bloody mess.
I hate everything I see….
I seem…. so unreal to me
….I’m in utterly disbelief….
Hands bloody…arms bloody… face bloody….
the blade is my best friend and my lover.
We go together like ice and vodka..
I feel I’m in hell… I’m tormented in this shell..
I slice open, watching my flesh strip away…
While my mind goes into a relaxing place….. I feel good now… well almost… let me go a little deeper… almost there!…just a little deeper…now I’ve climax into one unemotional mess… now I hate myself…For […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shdiTRxTJb4
One was watching the other day a red-tailed hawk, high in the heavens, circling effortlessly,
without a beat of a wing, just for the fun of flying, just to be sustained by the air-currents.
Then it was joined by another, and they were flying together for quite a while;
they were marvellous creatures in that blue sky,
and to hurt them in any way is a crime against heaven.
Of course there is no heaven; man has invented heaven out of hope, for his life has become a hell,
an endless conflict from birth to death, coming and going, making money, working endlessly.
This life […]
The sun and the trees have life,
The people walking by infectious of there media ridden minds have life..
The sheep of the masses
Do they deserve to be slaughtered due to ignorance?
Or should they be applauded for enjoying life?
These decisions have not been left to me nor do I want to make this choice.
The only choice I want is to end my pain and suffering
A lifetime of addiction and hurting others is all I’ve managed.
I am the American Psycho watching others pass by; testing the boundaries of reality.. what if I fell off this bridge onto these cars?
What […]
One day I woke up, and things just weren’t quite right.
I hid from the windows and their bright shining light.
In darkness I sat there, refusing to bite,
On the food set before me, a former delight.
All senses seemed muted, though they left with a fight.
My thoughts they weighed heavy, on my mind into night.
Nightmares and dreams snares, woke me with a fright.
Went searching for meaning, but was nowhere in sight.
Nothing is sacred, this just can’t be life.
Use the ledge at the ball park, one day I […]
I’m tired of everything. I am 21 and can’t find a job. I failed out of college when my mother was in the hospital and now my dad calls me a wasted investment. My family doesn’t have a car and I can’t get to a job even when I find one. My **** of a sisiter treats me like a piece of dog shit and calls me stupid when I was going to pay a neighbor to take me to work.
Truth is, I have always been depressed since being hit regularly as a child, whether it was with hands, leg casts, or something else my […]
One hour. You said it was going to be ONE. FUCKING. HOUR. I waited and waited and waited some more, tried to call your cell & never got an answer. “I’m still here,” I said, “in case you forgot to come and pick me up.” I waited more, God knows I lost count how long.
I said to myself, Fine, if you don’t come and pick me up when you say you will, you can come and pick me up at the fucking morgue! I was tempted, just a bit, to walk out into oncoming traffic, or climb over the balcony railing and jumping off. But […]
My numbness takes me over,
Moving me as it likes.
Today it took my razor,
And quickly began to slice.
With blood rolling down my arms,
All I could do is cry.
Cry, cry, and cry some more.
Slowly collapsing onto my bathroom floor.
I begin to question the fact that Iexsit.
Why wass I placed on this Earth, if this the life I must live?
My numbness again takes over
Grabbing a bottle of pills.
It shoves them down my throat,
One pill at time.
I once again collapse,
Crying a little less.
Then, a smile speads across my face knowing I’ll soon be dead.
i would love to kill myself right now. Â I just can’t tolerate myself anymore. I have no desire for anything, Ive been carrying to much weight on my shoulders for so long. Â I just cant keep going anymore. But Im just gonna go to sleep n live one more day
Life’s too short to even care at all, oh
I’m losing my mind losing my mind losing control, oh oh
These fishes in the sea they’re staring at me oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
A wet world aches for a beat of a drum
Oh
If I could find a way to see this straight
I’d run away
To some fortune that I, I should have found by now
I’m waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down.
Life’s too short to even care at all, oh, oh
I’m coming up now, coming up now out of the blue, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
These […]
My mom texted me a quote which I eventually found floating on tumblr that went like this:
“One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.”
I sometimes wish the people in my life were able to not necessarily understand my depression/darkness, but just be able to see me. Just me. And not wish anything different about me.
“Imagine a happy group of morons who are engaged in work. 
They are carrying bricks in an open field. 
As soon as they have stacked all the bricks at one end of the field,
they proceed to transport them to the opposite end. 
This continues without stop and every day of every year
they are busy doing the same thing.
One day one of the morons stops long enough
to ask himself what he is doing. 
He wonders what purpose there is in carrying the bricks. 
And from that instant on he is not quite as content 
with his occupation as he had been before. 
I am the moron […]
I sat there
The silent consuming.
Upon the arrival
of the death.
Music playing quietly
Blood dripping down.
The darkness overcomes
And I submit.
Silence filled rooms
No more pain.
Nothing will hurt
Just the darkness.
The black abyss
And lonely me.
I wanted love
I gave love.
Deals are sealed
Death is now.
Goodbye my love
Stay on Earth.
We shall meet
One more time.
Goodbye my dear
Au revoir love.
You’re the one
That I loved.
And I’m saying
Goodbye…
The blade gleams in the moonlight
A drop of cursed blood spilt at night
On to the dirt and the mud where it feels right
And tears from an empty husk mix with the blood and mud at dusk
The thoughts flow like water, getting caught in the rapids of this martyr
One less life to plague the earth
From ashes to ashes and from dirt to dirt
Perhaps one day someone will learn
The call of a thousand muffled voices
He can’t tell the difference between the memories and the ghosts toying with him
He can’t hear reality’s call, so subtle and soft in […]
Tears;
Droplets upon our faces
Screams;
Loud, unheard voices
Whispers;
Little nothings thrown into the wind
Smiles;
One fakes these
Laughs;
A different sound for each of us
Knives;
To cut away the pain on our skin
Pills;
A way to escape this reality of our world
Eyes;
Dark and dull, observing, watching, glaring
Ears;
They hear the insults, the screams, the voices
Mouths;
They talk, they whisper, they scream
Hearts;
They’re broken throughout the day
Everybody’s got something
They had to leave behindÂ
One regret from yesterdayÂ
That just seems to grow with time…
Â
There’s no use in looking back or wonderingÂ
How it could be now or might have beenÂ
All this I know but still I can’t find ways
To let you know
Â
Somewhere in my memoryÂ
I’ve lost all sense of timeÂ
And tomorrow can never beÂ
Because yesterday is all that fills my mind
Â
There’s no use looking back […]
One day I’m gonna lose the war. Bradley Nowell, lead singer of one of my favorite bands sang these words. Sublime’s song poolshark is an amazing song I have played on my guitar and sang quite a bit. He was addicted to heroin. he eventually died on May 25, 1996.
I offten find myself singing theese words and thinking to myself, yep, it’s gonna happen to me. I’m going to lose the war, not with drugs, but rather depression. I choose not to drink or do drugs, because I don’t need that.
Today I took a test that once passed, you can graduate from […]
Well… I um.. First posts are always the most awkward but .. Don’t know what to say really, Live in Uk. 16. at college. Tbh, I suffer from major ocd, suicidal thoughts, self harm, anxiety, to name a few! I may seem happy and at ease, but I’m not really. Things seem to get caught up and I’m left stuck of options and running out of ways to fix things.All un diagnosed. and other stuff. I’m not good at opening up to people, but as you can see, I am on here, I just need a place i can talk to people and A shoulder […]