At night is when it gets the hardest I think more I can’t hide my thoughts with distractions. I don’t now how to deal with my pain other then self harm or drinking till I pass out. I want to die most nights because I can see them, I can feel his breath on my ear. I close my eyes tight wondering when it will end. I see blood I feel pain and i wonder why he thought it was ok? I wonder how I can continue to plaster this fake smile I have made up and walk around like I’m ok. I don’t feel […]
Title says all. They don’t know what’s behind my blue eyes. They don’t know the troubled angry boy trapped inside this gross bleeding body
Bye
I hope you read this and know you’re not alone
That the pain in these words you realize as your own
when you look at your scars bleeding red
know that I have them too
That I just wanted to feel something other than alone
I thought I deserved it
I truly did
As I shaped jagged lines I would scold myself for not being better
for being such a waste of life
but the pain always came back
No amounts of cuts changed that
So stop
now
I’ve been on that ledge
I know how much it hurts right now
I can’t promise you […]
Going to use one of those industrial strength zip ties on my hands next time, so even if I want to I won’t be able to save myself.
I am so fucked up.
I’ve hesitated putting anything on here for a couple of days, because I don’t have anything to say anymore.
I wish I didn’t live with people, or at least with people who care so damn much. Checking up on me every hour.
If I was on my own I could spend my last day how I want to. And then the day could wind down to an end and I could just drift off.
So fucking bored […]
sometimes I feel like I’m in an empty room, just me and the cold hard floor. I can’t see or hear or smell bit I can feel myself going numb. The pain of this never ending despair invading my mind. I can’t escape it, it’s embedded in my skin. I can’t wash it away. I never knew darkness could feel so heavy. I just let it eat away at me, why fight the inevitable?
My name is Kristin! I am 15 years old. About 8 months ago now, my life was a bit hectic. I was living in Thailand at the time. I had a handful of friends, but I never got to hang out with them, because they were busy during the week and I was busy on weekends. SO therefore, I felt very alone most of the time. Being on the opposite side of the globe from everything I had ever known didn’t help much either. I felt lost and alone. I didn’t think anyone cared about how I felt. One day, I was at home alone, […]
With me, hearing comedy doesn’t make my pain go away, but it makes me feel a lot better, temporarily! This is the late great George Carlin talking about suicide:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS1o4YcWGZs
I prefer comedy than hearing all this touchy feely shit that’s popular these days! Most of it is so pretentious and phony. George Carlin was honest! George Carlin doesn’t just talk about suicide, but he brings up autoerotic asphyxia before all is said and done! Why did George Carlin have to croak when there are so very few decent people left in this world?
i never thought the day would come that oomf wouldn’t love me anymore. It’s hard every night knowing that yeah yall go together , but they still do everything that makes you mad. They don’t care anymore to see what’s wrong with you, even if you do tell them they’re not gonna listen. Suicide is the best way to stop the pain, right?
OK so im 16 an I do pain pills and I cut myself, and I know one day i am going to be so sad that im going to take all the pain pills I have and be done with this messed up world. So, I have to start pushing people away. I don’t want anyone to be sad when I die. I don’t want anyone to attend my funeral. I don’t want anyone to cry. I don’t want anyone to care. I’m worthless, stupid, and a waist of space. I already hurt the people I love, so let’s just start pushing everyone away so […]
the only thing that’s been keeping me here so far is my family, and the chance that they would really go through a lot of pain and grief if i died. but lately i find that living for other people is not enough anymore. i’m barely hanging on as it is. each days gets more and more hopeless. more and more i just want to end it, and sometimes i doubt the people in my life would really mourn me all that much anyway.
Its odd really, I feel so numb to almost everything half the time and the other half I feel things so deeply I burts out in tears, and I try to cure both with a drink, I don’t understand, I get the numbness and all I want is to feel again and feel the world and once my feeling return I want to shut it off and not feel a thing from all the sadness and pain.
~SN
my mind really meant to me. I spent the majority of my teen and adolecent years concerned with how I looked, what I wore, who I spent time with and so on. My educaiton was never a really huge concern of mine (although I did care if I was able to get the higher marks on my sudies along with my peers) but I did okay as far as all of that went. Even into my 20’s I wasn’t as concerned with what I knew as much as I was with what I was doing at the time.
Now, here I am in my late […]
They think you’re crazy.
They think you’re mad.
They call you stupid, worthless, tell you you’re not worth it.
Now you’re walkin’ back, to a place you call home,
but you feel so alone.
The same hurtful hits, it’s your darker place.
In your virgin ears, the remarks they make.
And if they, if they really knew all of those things.
That you do in your room, to hide the pain.
I bet their minds would change.
I’ll bet their minds would change.
They’d change, If they knew the pain.
I believe in these scars, I believe.
the question i seem to keep coming back to as I try to survive another day imprisoned in my mind, body, house, bed. most days in too much pain physically or emotionally to function but have continued to fight my deepest desires and desperation at times because of ‘family’ even though I rarely see them as I try to spare them of me. literally the only comfort I have is knowing they dont see my pain, and I dont burden them.I cant accept being broken once was just emotionally but now chronic pain has taken my only ability to contribute to community and family or […]
As a child I was weird. I grew up thinking that the world was as nice as the sunny Sundays I spent in my mother’s arms when I was a kid. When I got into socializing, at the age of 5 or 6, I started
With a younger close friend. In some pain and alone. Trying to pry myself off the couch – I ve been here before. She’s with someone else I didn’t even know how much she counted until she told me about her new friend. I’m being obsessive and I don’t want to let her go but I don’t want to creep her out either ( maybe too late). I’ve thought of giving up – I’m like scary needy. I know I’m putting way too much on her for my well being but you who have been in this hell know how effective logic is. It’s been […]
I don’t know what to do
I’m drowning in love, sadness and pain.
I need to get out, I need to breathe.
alone and seen by nobody
she walks silently on the road
with only pain to keep her company.
she gives,
and they take,
as always.
noise comes to assault her
and she trembles,
but she is only here
to be brutalized
no one cares
for her brain.
she grows up to plod along
the sides of roads
every cruel mistake
torturing her mind.
everything set up
to make her blame
and hate
only herself,
the child is not allowed
to be angry
at the man.
she looks for love desperately
but in this world
finds nothing
but more pain.
judgment, rejection
no one can see the pain
behind the rage.
no one.
they leave her
and tell her it is because
she is not good enough
for them.
guilt a-plenty consumes her
but no one sees her
no one at all
and soon […]
I haven’t cut myself in a long time. And tonight. 5 mins ago. I did. And I realize how much I missed it. Idk if I’m fucked up for that. But idk. I don’t care I guess. Every day I picture myself dying. Dead laying there. I don’t have to feel pain anymore. And that’s the ultimate goal. I wanna be happy. But I’m not happy being here.
I think I should start by noting that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression (and psychotic depression) as well as multiple forms of anxiety that include social and general. Yea, my mind is a terrible place. I’ve been to a lot of therapists and taken almost every prescription drug for my disorders and nothing helps and I’m too tired to fight it anymore. I’ve even been experiencing episodes of psychotic depression which is honestly terrifying because I know it’ll get progressively worse. I’ve been hospitalized inpatient 3 times and 1 outpatient stay. As I’ve gotten older my disorders worsen. I attempted suicide for […]