Its days like this I feel almost human, almost visible, almost a part of life. Days like this, although its too early & I’m on a crowded bus, I don’t want to die. I want to live & enjoy life. But I have to remind myself that this is only a fleeting glance. I am cursed, in pain, unlovable, poor & soon to be homeless. & that is not gonna change.
“With This Knife”
I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down
No matter how i try i don’t know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain
With this knife i’ll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i’ll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
I can’t believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million […]
” We little knew the day that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories.
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one
the chain will link again. “
I really don’t know why I’m doing this. When I first told someone about my ..situation, she said that maybe even though everything felt unbearable at the moment, it could get better later.
It’s not like that for me. Everything is always unbearable. The way I feel, and sometimes don’t feel, scares me. I’m tired of not being able to go through my life without thinking I really should kill myself.
I’m tired of the part of me always making excuses, always thinking “what about your parents? How will they feel?” and I’m very tired of feeling like I’m faking all the time. I’m tired of my […]
Day 18 and my fingers still itch for the blade. Will the urge to cut never go away? I’ve found that when I get a papercut or trip and fall scraping a part of my body brings the same kind of relief that cutting did. Mary’s boyfriend called me a whore when she brought me up in conversation. He doesn’t like me very much… I came out to my schools GSA under oath no one would say anything outside the group. When my parents find out I’m afraid of what is gunna happen to me. My family loves very conditionally. I hate it. I can’t […]
I will never feel his touch
I miss him so much
His absence I feel
His love I appeal
The love I gave
I take to the grave
My heart doth break
By the love you take
If you only knew
The love you drew
I gave a plenty
But now am empty
You have my heart
For as long we part
Never one like you
Impossible to renew
You cannot tell
I’m an empty shell
LOVE YOU ALWAYS
One day, I realized he might not exist. My soulmate, I mean.
I realized there might not be someone walking around this earth just waiting to meet me. Someone with a private world just as intricate as mine that, one day, I would get to share and be a part of and know.
And I realized I was keeping a vacant spot in my heart for this person who might not exist. That I wasn’t allowing myself to be whole because how could I be whole with my other half missing?
This is my middle part of the story of how I started being suicidal….
So, After A few years, like.. about more years? Yeah. Well, I was ten and I started listening to new metal.. like Pierce The Veil (PTV), Sleeping With Sirens (SWS), Blood On The Dance Floor (BOTDF), Falling In Reverse (FIR) And Etc.
Yeah, and well the only reason why I was listening to that kind of music was because I got tortured by everyone around me… Even the people I loved…… My sister, My mom, My dad, And Even my “Friends”.. When I realized they never loved […]
a few days ago my dog died and I’m utterly lost without her. She was old when we got her (8 years) and we had her for almost 5 years, in fact the anniversary of her adoption is on the 14th. I miss her so much, it feels as though there is this perpetual emptiness without her, her existence was an integral part of my life and without her I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been feeling myself since she died, I miss her so much. She was my best friend, my sidekick, my homeslice, my nigga. I just can’t believe she’s gone
I didn’t even care who would get to be the driver on our new car tonight. Of course I would’ve loved to drive, so – without thinking about it – I took the offer to gamble about it. *sarcasm on* Just by empirical observation of past gambles I should have known that against all odds I somehow manage to lose every single time. *sarcasm off* After my one sister won the first round to drive on the first way, my other sister and me should have gambled about the way back from the restaurant, but I refused. That wasn’t the best choice obviously, but in […]
I survived a rather serious attempt on my own life almost exactly 15 years ago. To be honest, there have been a lot of times since that I have felt truly sorry I failed. Unfortunately, it seems like this is more and more the case.
At any rate, I thought I would try to participate in this community a bit. If you are reading this, you are already probably aware that “normal” people don’t understand what this is like. Indeed, they freak out. Maybe there will be […]
I have depression. Everyday it’s a big struggle to get up and out of bed. Part of the reason is because it’s near impossible to fall asleep between the tears and the suicide plans I plan but am too tired to act out. I’ve been on antidepressants for 6 weeks but the give me horrible mood swings and have made me feel worse… I’ve stopped taking them until my doctor can prescribe me a new kind, but that’s not until next week… I’m tired all the time… Everyone says that it’s because the stress and anxiety from the depression tires you out… My ex boyfriend, […]
In everybody’s life there are ups and downs, but it seems like in my life there are ups and downs and downs and some more downs. And that goes for each and every day. I can’t stand it. This thing is driving me crazy. Correction – driving me to the edge of fucking putting a bullet through my freaking skull, because crazy I already am.
I’m on the verge of knocking myself out, hopefully with enough pills this time.
There is a part of me that do wants to live, to experience whatever may, but that part is very small. The other part, the dominent part, say […]
Enough is enough. I am a human I live in this world. You can go an lo screw yourself. Oh so you will bring me down? Good luck with that cuz I’m a real gangsta haha no I’m not really. But you know what you haven’t been through shit so don’t look at me and act like you’re gonna harm me cuz only God can harm me. I am a part of god. I am a part of the angels light. My soul is a part of this world. This world belongs to me as much as it belongs to you. Go fuck yourself this […]
Hi, I am new to this site. Well, I have never posted and have rarely commented on anything but I have been around reading for several years. I come to this site to read and have always found much comfort in finding people of similar circumstances and issues. I thought that maybe at long last I would share my story and see what happens. Kind of scary to put it out there I guess but I am going to do so anyway. It may be rather long as I am a writer so I do apologize in advance but would be most grateful if someone […]
My dad just came in my room and pretty much told me I’m an asshole. Then he said that I just like to make everybody miserable. I don’t even know why he made a point to say that he loves me, when clearly he’s just miserable he has to be with me.
I used to love my dad but now he just makes me feel so worthless. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a long time now. But he just keeps pushing me further and further.
The worst part is that he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know that I feel depressed, or that I want to kill […]
I am an American currently living in England as a part of the United States Air Force. I’d really like to talk to anyone that is/was a cutter. Nothing personal I swear. Just a few really quick questions. I can email or use KIK or Viber. Please leave a comment if you feel comfortable talking to me. I just really need some advice :/ Thanks
My name is Randall Edwards and I am here because when I was 17 I google searched the words “I want to disappear” and found this site. I am now nineteen and I am suicidal because I am alone. I am away from my friends so much now that a part of me feels like I’m meeting them again for the first time when I see them. Tomorrow I’ll be seeing my best friend tomorrow for the first time in roughly a month and part […]
I guess I was destined to be this ugly. In my last post, I mentioned wanting to punch my mirror into a bunch of tiny pieces. Part of that has to do with how unbearably ugly I feel. In my opinion, I look like a monkey. My ex called me a trap, which is a term for Tran people who look completely believable as their desired gender. I don’t know. Others say I look cute, gorgeous, like a model, even. I just don’t see it. What do you think?
Some time life’s great tell you realized your quest in life Is Worth it but only to you .in the end do people really care about u .or were u just part of a lust full delusion of an illusion. I’m happy in life and have no real issues to speak of ..but I feel like seeing what’s in my next life .