people want to act like there all big and bad but really in the inside there small and little and and i cant wait i iam not scared i am putting my self oout there i want to scream and i want to cry and let my anger and sadness out why i want to yell and wht did i do for this i owant to bleed because in reality ill be bleeding out what i feel but i dont want to let my love down he is the most important thing to me i hope hes not using me when i cut myself on […]
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People
I’m lost I can’t even keep a steady thought. My meds failed me I was so much worse. I’m unappreciated and I am so through with my duties in life. My responsibility isn’t even a reality for people. Why must I burden myself with the heavy hearts of everyone around me. I make there issues my own because they mean more than my own life. Now I want to just take mine and leave it at that. I don’t even want to move anymore everything sets me off. I’m beginning to feel the end is near I’ve been going strong for so long. I don’t […]
ive been thinking about this scince pi was born my aunt will hit me when i went to go live with her and my mom well i was a mistake to begin with i dont know if i can do this i live for my baby sister and my love but in reality im dieing i tried to drink hydrogen proixde but my best freiend dumped it out on the grass i was putting it in my mouth she thought i wasent gonna do it and i risk everything everyday living people will be like if u do that u will do that and i […]
Vaccines were developed and penicillin discovered and it seemed like a miracle. It stopped vast numbers of people from dying. But when plagues happened and other sicknesses it was a natural way to reduce the population. With less people there would be less competition, less stress, and a better chance for survival.
Just something I’ve been thinking about. I get on these tangents! 😐
Ps, is that a horrible thing to think? I worry I’ve gotten really twisted.
Pps, it’s not that I would like innocent people to die
I finally decided after almost a year to seek some help again. The doctor had a cancellation and was able to bump me up for today rather than two weeks from now. While talking i realized that I can’t open up. I’m always vague when i try leaving the doctor to be vague as well which only pisses me off. Why do I expect the impossible of others to see that I am dying inside? Either dying or slowly going insane. I can’t be left alone anymore. Every time I’m alone the worst comes out. I lose all sense of reality which drives me insane […]
I feel so unsure about my life at the moment and I don’t know why.
I don’t know what to do after school and I am generally unsure about myself.
I am a 17, soon 18, year old male and I feel pretty much useless at the moment.
I have a great family and I don’t want to hurt them. I know that suicide will hurt them a lot because my uncle did it not too long ago…
I have never seen my grand parents so sad as they were after that. I just can’t stand the thought of doing that to my parents.
But at […]
I’ve been pondering this question since my time is near. Of course no one knows for certain, but I think a certain blogger had the most likely description.
Time existed before you were born, other people lived and died before you were born, and other people will be born after you are dead. One has no memory of anything before they were born (of course folks will claim to be someone in a past life, but people imagine all sorts of stuff). Before you were born will be like it is after you die. You won’t have any memories or consciousness that goes on. In other […]
I used to be this happy little girl who only saw good in the world, nothing could keep me down. Now its like the smallest thing makes me want to pop a bottle of pills… maybe its because it all builds up. My mother has said so much about my weight, along with others, that everytime its mentioned i want to go purge. When it comes to people i dont even know anymore. I dont want to be alone but sometimes i dont want to be around others because i know that half the time people wont be focusing on me. I dont see point […]
Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of these terrible times and I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices and can’t concentrate. So I’m doing what seems to be the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I know that I’m spoiling your life and without me you could work, and you will, I know. You see, I can’t even write this properly. What I want to say is that I owe all the happiness of my […]
I just need to get it out. I’m 30 in July. I’ve never once had a job. I’m mentally disabled but can’t get on disability. Everyone treats me like I’m trash not worth helping. I’ve been bullied all through school, treated like I’m scum by the government, and my own family looks at me with contempt.
All I do anymore is sit and cry. When I try to talk to anyone it’s always “What do you have to be depressed about.” I can’t afford to get help, the government keeps denying me help because my parents aren’t complete assholes, and every place I apply to looks […]
I can’t sleep. Nightmares. And, I am so freaking dizzy right now. Sometimes I feel funny – like floaty. Suck it up, girl. Geeez.
Today is the day I’ll be seeing someone I haven’t seen in months – a bright spot in my day. Then, off to the bank to put my BFFs name on my account. I want her to have control so that she can take care of my dogs. I’ve left everything to her but I’ve read that you should still put things like that in people’s names so that the vultures you don’t want to have anything (even if you have a […]
Every day I wake up wishing that I hadn’t.
I’m always tired. That fatigue I feel cannot be cured by a good nights sleep or a nap. Sometimes I feel that it will only ever truly be satisfied by death. Does anyone know what that’s like?
To wake up every morning sick to your stomach because you’re alive?
But-I try to bribe myself out of bed. I know that I have to keep myself busy-constantly run my brain because if I stop-those thoughts will catch up with me. I desperately try to find solace in the world. Feel the warmth of the sun, watch funny YouTube videos, draw…Â but it’s like trying […]
If people knew the story of their lives how many would then elect to live them? People speak about what is in store. But there is nothing in store. The day is made of what has come before. The world itself must be surprised at the shape it’s in.
If there’s something I could change about myself  I wish I wasn’t soo sensitive and that things wouldn’t get to me. Yesterday at school something someone said got to me and what they said wouldn’t usually bother me. The people at lunch I usually sit with(which is only 20 minutes) kicked me out of the table and said “we don’t really know you and don’t understand why you sit with us considering you’re a sophomore and we’re freshman and you have plenty of friends in school so I don’t see why you sit with us and you don’t really talk” the thing is that isn’t […]
eveyone tells me i’m a mistake to this world. maybe they’re right, i am. or im just taking things way to seriously but no one understands that words hurt. especially cause i’m really sensitive. people tell me a lot of things that i really can’t argue with. for example ugly, not good enough for anyone or anything, useless, stupid, etc. my bullies were the ones who made me hate my own refelction. and instead of solving my problems, i hide from my problems. i just hate to be put down everyday. everyday is just another day to wake up wanting to die and cry. sometimes i […]
Hi, my name is Shannon and I am “to far out to find my way back” as I like to say. I have excepted the fact that I may never get better but I never expected to get this bad. Depression is like a roller coaster with up and downs that change so fast that outside life becomes a blur. In short I’m so lost in my own world that I may never find my way out. This scares me more than anything else because my world is like a horror film, full of death and destruction. The one thing that scares me the most […]
I am loved and I have done nothing good in life to deserve it
by mike.persson
written by mike.persson
I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy […]
I’m not someone who anybody would suspect to be suicidal. I’m 17. I have the top grades in my class. I’m pretty (or so people tell me). I have a great group of friends. I’m popular. I’m funny. I’m well dressed. But at the end of the day, I hate myself. I hate myself more than anyone else could possibly hate me. But I’m still here. Read this and I’ll tell you why.
As I’m typing this tears are streaming down my face. My mom just finished another round of yelling at me to kill myself and how I’m a failure who will never amount to […]
I think it’s about time. There are people I love and were talking to – I wanted to talk to – but not anymore. I have nothing more to say.
My therapist called the police on me today. Rather than talk with me about whatever the fuck she thought they would do she just sends them over. I was shaking. Did she think I would tell them? Did she think they could do something? What? Nothing unless I would have said I was going to kill myself. They asked if I just wanted attention. That sounded good so, yeah, sure. If it would get […]
Last night I had the strangest dream I’ve ever known before
I dreamed that all the world agreed to put an end to war
I dreamed I saw a mighty room, the room was filled with men
And the papers they were signing said they’d never fight again
And when the papers were all signed, and a million copies made
They all shook hands and bowed their heads and grateful prayers were prayed
And the people in the streets below were dancing round and round
While swords and guns and uniforms lay scattered on the ground
Last night I had the strangest dream I’ve ever known before