I just dont feel like being anywhere. It seems as though i dont share the same values as those who inhabit this patch of earth alongside me. I feel like im in a constant state of purgatory, neither here nor there. The only reason im on this site is i can express myself to those who might possibly relate, although im not so sure about that either. Im a blessed individual with a loving family and a lot of opportunities laid before me. Im mentally and physically blessed and i feel selfish for cursing my existence but i havent met anyone who gets me. Everyone […]
Tag:
Perceptions
I feel like everyone has a sob story or what some might call a good reason. “I’m insecure” or “I’m depressed” or “I’m abused”. That’s all sad and really painful and I get why you might just want to give up.
The thing with me is: I don’t even have any of that. It was a slow process, but at the same time it happened in the blink of an eye; a rush of clarity for me.
There’s nothing for me here. There never will be. Nothing had to happen to convince me of it, because I think I’ve always known.
Nothing ever feels right. […]
I’ve been married for almost three years. Together for almost four. And I am very much afraid that soon, he will be telling me it’s over. All the promises we made…broken. How he slowly and patiently helped me to believe that he was different, that I could trust him, that what was between us was truly different, an “Always” love that I could rely on to be there, forever…a lie. If I could KNOW, with such certainty, that we were meant to be and would always be together…and be wrong…how could I ever trust anyone or anything again? Not anyone’s promises, not my own perceptions, […]
Its been over a year since I attempted suicide and I am still struggling with some aspects of my experience. I decided to participate in this project because I think that suicidal people need a voice to speak about their experiences with, especially since there is an onslaught of media messages and peer pressure that distorts perceptions of suicide. Since I came through my attempt, I have decided to talk about it and hope that my story helps others, so here goes.
I’ve been suicidal for years. My Mom said that moodiness and sadness were all part of being a teenager and that it would pass, […]
I want to die.
It has taken me a long time to come to that conclusion.
Why do I want to die? In a nutshell: because I’m in intense emotional and mental pain.
The longer version?……… Life is too much of a struggle. Most things I go after results in total failure and misery. I find it very difficult to relate to people on a deeper emotional level. Conversing with people is an enormous challenge. I wish I didn’t stutter.
It tortures me that I can’t even say my name without stuttering. The look I receive from people when I stutter is extremely painful, so I mostly choose not […]
In my past entries posted on this site, as well as my facebook page and my website: www.nolenthebeckoning.com, I have mentioned my belief in man’s evolution from fire. I have received quite a few derogatory replies. Most from people calling themselves christians. To those of you on this site who claim christianity, I do not wish to personally offend you, however it is of my opinion that christianity is one of the leading religions to plague mankind. Most of christian history is written in bigotry and the practice of condemning all others…and when there’s no others, condemn each other. As with many of my perceptions, […]
Sometimes, when I answer you I ask a question of you;
If you really had a choice, how would you choose?
Or
If you had a magic wand to fix your life,
How would you wave it?
Or
If you had a switch, that you could throw, that would end your suffering without killing you, would you throw it?
Would you?
More important than discussing the possibility of such magics, is discussing your will to use them.
What good is a true solution if you won’t use it?
And is there such a switch?
Does such a choice exist?
Can you have such power over your own life?
Yes
First I want to thank everyone for their replies to my 3 prior posts. Thank your for your time and concern, we are all loving, worthy beings who are joined by our pain and plight to regain our joy! This is part of a conversation I had with a dear friend of mine, who was also suicidal. I was explaining to him about an interview I had recently with an elderly gentleman who had been suicidal in his 50s. This is an excerpt of the conversation, but it makes so much sense, and it is true for all of us. The first part is just […]