im not young. Im over 40. I am married. I have 3 kids, Yet, I am alone. I am an only child. All of my family is dead. I have always been the place everyone comes to when they want something but I have no one. Hell, even my attorney up and bailed on me with no notice. HA! So, here I am. No value, no worth. I am now in the active phase of making plans to ensure the safety to my kids after I am gone.
Tag:
phase
This is my first post so hey,
Imagery is a weird thing isn’t it?
Since I was 13 I’ve had that sort of ya know emoish look about me, listened to the music, wore the eyeliner, all that sort of stuff. At that time people couldve somehow assumed, because of this “image”, that I was rebellious, depressed and suicidal. But what’s ironic is at that time when I was going through that sort of “phase” none of that applied to me in the slightest. You could say I was one of the most friendliest, world loving emos our there aha.
I was “a goth” before my dad got […]
Step1: decide wether you want to live or not
Step2:
case1: if decision is to live: never ever think on suicide
case2: if decision is to suicide: fix a date, prepare things and go ahead with it.
step3: I think case 2 has less human suffering because suffering = your suicide date – your age
else suffering = 80 years – your age
Lately for about 1month and a half I’ve been feeling really disgusted with myself. Nothing about me pleases me. I think I really hate myself . I’m really fat and really ugly at least thats what I think. My friends and family think otherwise but no one actually understands me. Â If im not a hungry kid in africa or I can walk move and do other things most people can’t do I cant have no type of problems. Â I know I can try to change how look but its a lot harder then you expect. Â I can’t stand to look in the mirror it hurts […]
You’ve been there, done that.Long, long time ago.Having the hold, the grasp on it.It’s gone now, but it’s back.Existing, but not at the same time. Lingering.
Maybe it’s just a phase. It will pass. Or not.
Who know? No one knows.
So for now, I’ll have to be stand with my feet planted firmly on the ground.
Firmly on the ground for routine.
The routine of what has to be.
For, that is how it has been, how it is, how it will be.
No stopping it now.
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