Sometimes it hurts to live
Sometimes when you’re feeling low…I mean real low. This is a level of low no one knows about because the people who experience it don’t talk about it or are too high to even coherently relate it to the alphas and betas of the world. This is the low that somebody in your life, somebody closest to you has put you on the tipping point and your inner demons grabbed you & thrust you in. Your standing in the bathroom lights off. You’re in the shower with the water running. The warmth against your skin is how you […]
Tag:
Population
I’m a survivor.
A few people in this world, supported a few med pros who taught me how to survive. Last wweek I wanted a dr to put a bullet through my head, over something stupid. I was having a hard time getting through some proocedures. So the dr had to spend an extra five minutes which seemed eternal for me, making certain that I wouldn’t go home and die. A family member, one of about five or six who I trust and stuff the rest of ’em, was understanding, but also disagreed with me at the same time. At least she cared and wanted to […]
Vaccines were developed and penicillin discovered and it seemed like a miracle. It stopped vast numbers of people from dying. But when plagues happened and other sicknesses it was a natural way to reduce the population. With less people there would be less competition, less stress, and a better chance for survival.
Just something I’ve been thinking about. I get on these tangents! 😐
Ps, is that a horrible thing to think? I worry I’ve gotten really twisted.
Pps, it’s not that I would like innocent people to die
I told my parents that I am bipolar-2 and that they must not tell anybody in the family or outside the family before I explain what that means. Â People think bipolar = crazy, schizophrenic, split personality, criminal, nuts… Â you get the idea. Â These types of labels pretty much sink a person’s life completely.
Nobody wants to hire you. Â No one that was in your social circle would be a recommendation. Â No job prospects. Â Not money. Â No lady wants to be with a man who cannot even get a job. Â Family throws you out because they think that the reason you can’t find a job is because […]
After putting a gun to my head yesterday I decided to go see my psychiatrist today. Â I called the ombudsman in my area about his lack of ethical behavior earlier this year. Â After 4 months, the case was assigned a ‘resolved’ status without my knowledge. Â I MADE THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!!! Â How can it be resolved without me even being notified? Â The agency has lied to the ombudsman from day one and she told me that they told her the situation had been resolved. Â I asked her what the resolution was cause I sure wasn’t included in that decision. Â The agency told the ombuds that they […]
I don’t know why i try anymore, honestly. it seems like everything i do actually does nothing in this world. I give my friends everything they ask for and keep my promises, you know, being a good friend, and they make up excuses, “oh, i had to stay home and watch my sister” or “I forgot” a couple weeks later. Dropping classes with me because it makes you too tired to be able to go hunting and leaving me to be with your cousin who buys you stuff. It’s crap because im supposed to be her friend, but she leaves me to be with her […]
I’m sick of waking up each morning. I’m sick of going to work. I’m sick of shitty customers who are trying to put words in my mouth or make me misspeak so they can get something for free. Or complaining about a non-issue just to get a discount. I’m sick of debt that I’ll never get out of, or school that I’ll never return to because of the debt. I’m sick of laying down ten hours of my life at my dead-end job so I can have just enough money to pay the bills for my shitty single bedroom apartment just so I can have […]
No one is there for me when I need them. No one is there to catch me if I fall.
Family? Nope.
Friends? Nah.
Suicide hotlines? Not even.
“No one can love me” because I’m “so weird and selfish.”
There are people who are willing to argue that that’s not the case, but I bet they’re too fucking busy to even care. Hahahahahahahahaha ;).
Dad’s lectures are stupid as fuck and full of loopholes.
Mum’s his trusty yes man.
And I’m sorry, but the perfect, obedient son you’re looking for is in another castle.
Should have just eaten me when I was an egg, you god damn FUCKERS…
…HEY NIGGERS! YOU WANT MY LIFE […]
It is terrible to live with so much tension. I have had so much psychiatric treatment that my mind is going blank and it is difficult to think creatively anymore. My family doctor has also recommended that I belong to the addictions population, the people that have severe difficulties in life. I have so much trauma that I wish to kill myself, except I am afraid of pain. My parents are aging and when they get older, according to Chinese custom, I may not be able to take care of them; rather, their care may belong to someone else. I am hated by many – […]
I’m a long term suicide survivor. I know how hard it is and how it feels to want to die. So I’ve written a novel about a girl who goes down that path and ends up in a hospital, like I did, and actually gets help. When I present it at writer’s groups, they don’t understand why the girl wants to die just because the love of her life dumped her. Geez. These people must have robot “stable emotions,” like saw dust instead of guts. It’s never just one thing but sometimes it takes just one more thing to push a person over that edge.
The […]
Farmerstrong13: are you a preacher? Are you an Evangelical born again Christian? It seems rather presumptuous to promise someone, that with God’s help things will get better or that God will even help them. The key to recovery and good mental health is not found in a church but in a persons’ ability to grasp reality and run with it, and even accept it. Reality is not in a church pew or in a preacher’s sermon. Most of the time people can find a way out of their distress by logic, good friends, a change of location and a different point of view…or even antidepressants.
You […]