My sister and I have not spoken in many years. She hates me she told me she was jealous of me and then moved away and changed her number. When I saw her she was not the same person that I remembered. Everyday I think about her and miss her so very much. She will not call me she will not write me in her world I do not deserve a chance. I always was a good sister to her. To her I was a pain. To me she is everything that I have carried this huge weight […]
Tag:
Punches
The thoughts of suicide their back my life is falling apart again My so called bestfriend yeah I told her I didnt want her in my life anymore why? because shes gone out with my boyfriends that ive gone out with she copies everything I do shes a real diffrent person…Not the one I met…..My other so ccalled bestfriend is taking her side I dont know why tho…..They both talk smack about each other and they both know it My friend Donna and my friend Ema are the only ones by my side because they know angela Everybody else thinks shes a die hard sweet […]
I’ve lived more than half my life, only to realize I haven’t lived at all. I’ve existed, for what purpose I don’t know. Life’s amusement I suppose. I always picture those old movies where the gods are standing idly by over some sort of cauldron as the human race slowly imploads. Only I see myself a puppet guided by the slightest of hand, made to teeter with one foot firmly on solid ground and the other dangling into the abyss of the unknown. Funny thing is I don’t believe in god or the like. I do however believe in kharma and the ability of a […]
here are to the good times
I’ve had in my life.
those fragile little moments
where I know i’ll survive.
here is to the haters
here is to the world.
who thought that they could beat me down
but i won’t lay upon the ground.
I’ll throw some punches.
I’ll get you back.
hell, i’ll hit.
I’ll give you a slap.
Cause no more!
No way!
I won’t take your crap.
Here is to the losers,
the outcasts, who cry.
here is to the mourners
who still know how to smile.
Here is to my people,
the ones who know how to think,
at least were […]
So I have been kinda down lately. I started writing in a journal again to help me with my english project and memories began spilling out. I’m 16 years old, and I have been a cutter since i was 12. It has never been much, nothing too serious, but it scars. I would always get in trouble with my parents, they would yell and scream about everything. Lots of times they would scream at each other and lots of times at me. It was cause I failed my test, or screwed up again or wasn’t good enough or was annoying. I’m never good enough. I’m […]
Seeing You, I cannot lie… it kills me
IÂ get even more depressed when I see You.
Your beautiful eyes.. dirty blonde hair that always flips to one side..
I think You’re beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..
But that’s what You think about.. Her..
Not me.
Seeing You smile, brightens up my day
yet still the room darkens, since Your smile isn’t towards me.
I hate seeing You, and not being able to talk to You
Hold You
Touch You
Kiss You
and mostly..
Love You.
I can love You from afar.. but it is not the same as when I was loving You upclose..
Seeing You is like a little knife being stabbed in my heart
and several blows to the stomache.
Seeing You […]
Recently, I’ve befriended this guy during my math class. I’ve always known of him since all of my friends are his friends, and he always appeared to be this average, hilarious, nice, druggy guy, which he is, but at the same time he is so much more. I like his presence more than he likes his own.
One day, he looked over to me and just goes “you are depressed or have been” and I was shocked. Then he was like “you used to cut” just sort of guessing facts at me. And I asked him how he knew and he told me that he just […]
My daughter. She needs me to survive. I’m her only life force. It’s not fair for her not to get a chance in the world, she’s so perfect. But is it any better to be born and then lose her mother? I love my precious girl. I love her movements in my womb. I love her jabs and punches and kicks… I want to do right by her. She deserves it.
But I can’t. He tells me every day I wont be able to hack it. He tells me every day how I’m already a terrible mother. He tells me everyday how she’ll hate me.
I’ve got […]
I don’t know why, I don’t know how. All I know is that I can make myself feel better for a while by giving myself 1 or 2 almighty punches in the side of the head. I don’t know if giving myself a headache gives me something to concentrate on, or whether it just shakes my noggin enough to make it work properly for a while.  If it’s the latter, maybe it’s similar to The Fonz hitting the side of the jukebox at Arnold’s. Happy days.
I now understand why cutters do what they do. Whilst my preferred method of self-treatment isn’t cutting, I can see how it might work for […]
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
So I’m marissa. I’m 14 and my life sucks.
My mom is a workaholic and drinks all the time. I only see her for 5 minutes in the morning and one Saturday a month.
My step- father verbaly and (once) physhicaly abused me. I hate him. He treats his daughter like a princess and makes me do all the chours.
My step-sister is the biggest ***** ever she punches me and she’s only 7! She constantly goes into my room and fucks it up!
September 14, 2012 I lost my aunt to a battle of cancer, melanoma. Life hasn’t been the same since. I cry every night […]
I am back people, I just got out of the hospital. And now I am back, i got 42 hugs, 5 kisses, and 2 punches. People were very happy to see me, many people were. And it confuses me, i feel like the biggest peice of shit, i feel like no one cares, but the thing is, EVERYONE seems to care about me. Out of the 400 people, 300-350 missed me…