I had a friend named Mikhail Belakov. He called me, asking me this question: What is there worth living for? He continued to say that he honestly didn’t see any purpose. He left a suicide note for his parents and older brother, and hung himself. I was informed of this by Mrs. Belakova, who told me the next day. He was only 15 years old.
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purpose
– is being powerless. We know that nothing will ever change for some of us. We know the pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual will become worse if nothing else. And here we are without the courage or the means to end what amounts to (at least for me) a useless existence.
Sure, a sea slug has some purpose but it lives without feeling or much thought. It sucks in the tiny organisms that sustain it until it can reproduce and eventually be consumed by something else. But isn’t it content in its purpose? Does it cry itself to sleep knowing the ultimate pain it will […]
I got dragged down
By the current.
I know how to swim
But why fight it.
Faces and places
Come to haunt me
Along with things I’ve done
Im going to hell.
A fate worse than life?
There is none.
How do you breathe
When the air is your poison.
I fight hard for purpose
But I do not have one.
My legs fail me
Because there is nowhere to run
When your demons trail behind you.
I cant breathe
Im choked by my sins.
a fate worse than life?
There is none.
There are some things that I cannot let go of.
I want answers from those who will not give me any.. not now, not ever.
Desperation washes over me whenever I think of ‘back then’ and the truth is that I’m not sure that what I remember is what happened because I was so young at the time. All I want is for those who were involved to ‘fess up for once in their lives, but I know deep down that it will never happen.
So, for the past few years I’ve been trying to forget.
Each hour now pasts like a dream – so detached from reality – […]
and soon. Sure, who the hell doesnt want an easy way out, but growing tired of all the nay-Sayers who dont think i have the guts to off myself. MORE bad news today. MORE being alone! MORE being screwed-over by family. and yes, at this point i know that no one cares and i certainly ASK that no one cares. Just MORE shit-filled proof in my life stating i am worthless to others and i know damn well, i have long since been worthless to myself, too. i could give a fuck. i found a way to legally purchase a gun in my state. no […]
I just don’t even care anymore. The passion to pursue my old dreams are gone. I’m just defeated by this feeling of emptiness. Like I have no self worth or purpose to serve. By no means, do I have it the worst. I have a loving, supporting, fully functional family.I have nice tangible things and have never been sexually abused. None of this matters, though, and each day I wish that I wouldn’t have all of these things and that my fifteen years on this earth would end. I guess I’m frustrated at myself,I wish that there was more to this life of mine. There’s […]
I was addicted
To the cold knife blade piercing the delicate flesh of my wrist.
You ask why I didn’t tell you
You keep asking why I did it
Listen,
How can you judge someone if you don’t know
The Pain.
The Sorrow
The unending hell
In my addiction I felt disgusted with myself
I was falling deep inside the black
I saw no hope in my sight.
STOP ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
I was given a second chance
God Saved me.
My spirit free at last.
Now I stand here
still breathing still smiling
Listen, I’m a survivor and I can tell you that Suicide is never the answer when I tried to get help I was a subject of riticule and was […]
I don’t know how to get through the rest of the day.
There is no happiness when your life is bare of family and love.
I look for a purpose to go on living.
I find none.
Hello.
I hate people. I feel stressed everytime someone talks to me or looks at me. I only feel comfortable if I know someone. But still, I don’t really want to be friends with them, they usually annoy me or make me bored. I probably have some kind of phobia or whatever. What I really like to do is to watch the pranks on youtube, play computer games, eat good food and workout. I’d like to live alone and drink whisky. I hate parties except if I’m drunk. I’m 16, I forgot to mention. I am only opened if I drink too much. Â Do I have […]
It’s not sadness I feel. I don’t even feel anger, nor do I feel numb. I feel empty. I am devoid of a soul.
The Jews say a soul is what makes us special. It is what separates us from the lifeless tools we use. I feel like God forgot to put my soul in me when he made me, leaving me a tool to be used. I feel like the Golem when he no longer had a purpose.
I don’t often think about myself in the terms of Jewish faith. My father is Jewish, not I. It’s the only way I can describe it though. […]
At school I could always be myself
And I could do that without being hated
Without being critiqued
And just accepted into the group of my friends
Unlike my world at my house
At my house I got criticized
I got yelled at for the slightest mistakes
I got hit even though I did nothing wrong
Maybe living here is why they hit me
Anyway I had a world where I could just be me
And not get hated, or hit, or criticized
I wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes
Because my friends would always forgive me
But now that has drastically changed
One […]
No matter how good I feel, no matter where I go or what I do, I always know that it’s coming. I’m scared to fall in love, I’m scared to make friends, I’m scared to have children. Because those things are all I’ve ever wanted, but I’m terrified that I’ll get them and then leave them. What kind of mother leaves her children on purpose? But I KNOW in my heart that having children won’t ever fix this. That as much as I may love them, I simply cannot stay. And I am SO sorry.
In this Martian, barren land
Upon a rustic hill I stand
on this ground no being breathes
to allow for ghastly, ghoulish deeds.
Phantoms reek of mystic smells,
And devils ring their wailing bells
Whose voices warn of blasphemy
And sing of brewing agony.
No protest comes from those deceased,
Their bodies slain with frightful ease.
A sickle formed of lust and greed
Carried out this gruesome deed.
Gods bear witness to my crime
Condemning this sold life of mine.
The children vanish in the sand
and out protrudes their withered hands
I feel my burning blood on fire
As I amass this desert […]
I’m finally going to do it.
I’m getting out.
Away.
Away from here.
Nobody will be able to save me in 40 seconds.
Now I’m counting down the days to when I’ll slit my wrists and walk into the light.
I feel at peace.
This was a test that I just couldn’t succeed in.
Maybe death is my thing, my purpose.
I’m sorry everybody if it sounds like I’ve given up.
I haven’t. I’ve just said yes to fate.
Why do you do
All the things that you do?
Do you hurt me on purpose
And lie to me too?
I feel like crying,
Inside I am dying.
Why am I buying
All the things that you’re trying?
Why am I always the one who has to change,
Why do I always have to change my ways?
I still have a question for you,
Will you ever change
Or just do what you do?
And like always,
treat me like a fucking fool.
“Imagine a happy group of morons who are engaged in work. 
They are carrying bricks in an open field. 
As soon as they have stacked all the bricks at one end of the field,
they proceed to transport them to the opposite end. 
This continues without stop and every day of every year
they are busy doing the same thing.
One day one of the morons stops long enough
to ask himself what he is doing. 
He wonders what purpose there is in carrying the bricks. 
And from that instant on he is not quite as content 
with his occupation as he had been before. 
I am the moron […]
In today’s life when one is thronged with worries and tensions all around, it is very difficult to maintain a positive attitude. And often the more you try and be positive, the more it seems the negative energy around you gains strength. So here are 7 ways to change our modus operandi, be positive and work towards a healthier lifestyle.
Do Not Wait for Happiness.
Do not wait for good things to happen to you. You need to work towards happiness. You need to create a happy environment around you today to remain happy tomorrow. This is called an attitude. If you adopt a positive attitude, […]
I used to care about things like success, and school, and grades… but now it’s like none of that matters anymore. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I;m not sure what to do anymore. I’m just drifting around now, with no purpose. Pain is the only thing I can control now. That’s better than nothing.
Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.
I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]
Throughout my entire life, I have searched for the answer, the truth to what the purpose of humanity’s existence could be. Being a former Catholic, I believed “god” to be the answer, but the ugly and unpleasant truth is that there WAS no answer from the very beginning. Life never did have a purpose. People tell themselves that there is some cosmic and divine reason for our existence, but that is a false illusion created to hide our fears, and to ease our consciousness, just like how people delude themselves into thinking that they will be reunited with their loved ones in heaven, or […]