Seriously, only one single time, for Gods sake. I fucked up so much, I made way too many mistakes and I was too chicken to do things I should have done. I had enough chances to change something in my life and I took none. Not a single fucking chance. I guess I deserve to be here after all.
Tag:
real
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
Exaggerations… Using words like, “never”, “always”, “nothing”, “everything”, “nobody”, “everyone”… Those are lies.
There are certainties like heat, and gravity, and the concept of time. Sure. Those are irrelevant.
But apathy and ambivalence are illusions to hide pain and pleasure. Sorrow and joy… These are human.
This is – simply – you.
And it is your right to enjoy your existence.
The reason you demand satisfaction is because “happiness” is the truth.
I know who I am. I feel. I’m alive. And sometimes, just sometimes I don’t want that. I’m real.
I need you to be real with me.
Love,
HeartCore
A real successful life is something like stevejobs, elonmusk, obama, billgates…
Most of human beings are unaware that they are unsuccessful
Even if they continue to live in the way they are now, probability of getting real success is zero
I really don’t know what driving them to live
stupid humans!!
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Evanescence_-_Sweet_Sacrifice.mp3
I’m am beginning to feel better now that I am here. I feel like I have made some friends even tho I know the connections may or may not be real. I hope to heal one day. I remember when I used to pray. I used to pray everyday but now I can’t seem to do nothing ubt think about praying. I remember the times when I was publicly humiliated in church. I had always wanted to go now I see why so many people didn’t/don’t go. I know its always gonna be why me. I know I am always gonna feel why me.
#1 god : I became an atheist with 17, studying science and phylosophy a lot, if I could travel in time I’d like to have understood the universe before, but I was so stupid and busy.
#2 love : All I see is divorce, splits, and people betraying.It’s the real thing, true love is a fairy tale thing.
#3 happy endings : At least not for me.
Why is it at night I wanna cut?
Burn my arm with that cigarette butt,
Feel that rush running though my veins,
That sweet sensation of pain,
Some nights I want to take the blade right along my neck,
End the misery, the pressure but out of all that what do I really get?
Then I think I should just do this,
I know for a fact I won’t really be missed.
People will be happy to see me go,
Didn’t think people could be so low.
They are the real soul takers,
And dream breakers.
Funny how when its morning my thoughts are gone,
Right at the crack of dawn,
I forget about the blade, the tablets, the […]
Question: have you met any fellow SP members in real life? Specifically, by initiation after interacting on here/ private messaging.
It was so quiet when the music stopped
So empty when the bottom dropped
So somber when the dreamers lay
Down to die, their heartstrings frayed
The waking hours became too real
No dreams to conjure up their zeal
And then the night, too, ceased to give
A single dream to help them live
It withered them like winter does
But coated them with soot and rust
It caked their lungs in deathly plaque
And left their souls a ghastly black
Oh how they would have sacrificed
To find and bring their dreams to life
A hope on which their eyes to fix
Like miracles […]
Can’t seem to find that tiny spot of silence inside my head tonight. Thoughts swimming around and around on repeat. Why is it when you are at your lowest the easiest of things are so hard? Sleep is not usually a stranger to me. I can sleep through anything just to get to the next moment. I use sleep as a barrier to keep me from having to face real life. So what happens when sleep doesn’t come? I go deeper and deeper into the place I so want to hide from. Face to face with every memory I try so hard to forget. Even […]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the […]
Many people want to end there lives so what the hell makes me any more special then all the other kids. Why am I posting this? I really don’t know I guess I have some things to get off my chest. I’m defiantly not a happy person so you say I’m Severely depressed and I don’t want to change, Â I’m the fuck up and the dumb fuck in my family though everyone thinks I’m the smart happy kid I’m not. people who say I’m too young to be broken, to young to be sad, too young to not know what pain feels like they obviously […]
I don’t know. I’ve been having anxiety and depression episodes since I don’t know when. When i left high school i started to study. During my studies I broke down and my parents told me i do not need to study, i can just get a job and be done with it. But even then I was shit scared about the idea of real job. So I went back to the studies because I’d still feel shit while studying but at least I would not have to think about getting a real job. So the years went on and I got my first degree and […]
Please, I have no reasons for staying alive. The problem is I’m either too coward to commit suicide or too stupid for believing something good will happen to me.
What should I do? I have no real friends, everyone just talks to me when they need something. I’m good at nothing but school, and that’s not even worthy. My parents don’t support me. I feel my life is a waste. I feel like thrash. My only real friend is in a worst situation than me. If she dies, I’ll have no real reason to be alive.
The worst part is how people tell me “You just […]
http://personalliberty.com/2014/02/27/are-9-dead-bankers-a-sign-of-pending-economic-collapse/
I swear it’s time for me to get off the SLAVESHIP .. while I still can
I could commit to hanging in there because my circumstances can improve, but I’d also have to be prepared to walk through the storm before the potential sunny weather
this debt money system HAS TO collapse, but it won’t occur without dire consenquences
when shit gets real (the aftermath of the economic collapse), humans will start to show their true colors
for the majority of John Doe’s, all the niceness derived from social conditioning will fly out the window .. you’ll witness human nature in its truest, rawest form
just my pessimistic opinion
according to […]
Pushing 50 and have discovered (though known all along) that work is all I am. I had two real goals in life: have a job I would do for free and marry my best friend. I got the great job and then really set out in pursuit of that best friend. Along the way, not only did I fail at goal #2, but I found I simply lost interest in life, thus losing my love for my current (or any other) job.
Today, at work, it has really been brought home to me how badly I’ve fallen down on things at work. I’ve had the means […]
Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by darkness? A darkness so deep and pain so real that you just want it all to end? Have you ever felt like the world would be a better place without you in it? How about that you are so worthless that if people really knew who you were they would hate you as much as you hate yourself? Do you have a plan to end your life? Have you given up all hope? I have! Depression is real and the pain is intense, but there is hope —  Watch “Story 2013” on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNbKbMIjLvU
When you want nothing more than to be dead, but you can’t bring yourself to commit suicide, and have to live day after day of misery, I believe that this is torture. Trivial compared to “real” torture, but still torture nonetheless.
Torture is defined for many magnitudes, but only the sufferers of the absolute worst kinds of torture receive any sympathy in this world. As another example, one-time victims of rape are often stigmatized, and the pain they suffer is dismissed as marginal. But if the victim was kidnapped and raped over a long period of time, she gains near-universal sympathy.
Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,
the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.
Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,
those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.
We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,
but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.
I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,
it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.
You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,
I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.
And yet everyday I wake […]
I mean, I have no real reason to live. No family. Health is terminal. There are movies coming out that I could see, but I don’t see why I should wait to see them, considering the ever-increasing pain.
But. I don’t need to bow out now.
That’s my justification from day to day and hour to hour. “It doesn’t have to be now”.
We’ll see how long that lasts.