Misinformation. Misinformation will raise your hopes and when you’re about to cash in those hopes and make them reality; bam. You search the internet better than you did the last time you wanted to commit suicide and, will you look at that, turns out suicide by pills isn’t as peaceful as you thought. Wait, wait… what? You won’t go to sleep and never wake up again? Hollywood misdirected you? How dare those movies make it seem so simple? Oh, what’s that? You might throw up violently? Your head will feel close to exploding? B-but—IT’LL FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LIVER’S BEING RIPPED OFF YOUR INSIDES AS IT’S […]
Tag:
reality
I see my smiles in the mirror and I don’t even know if they are real or fake they feel the same now …..reality is now a living nightmare that I can’t wake up from ……I don’t know what is doing on anymore or who I am …..just existing
I love nights, and I love dreaming. I dont give a fuck that dreams are illusions, they make me feel happy for a few hours. But why in hell do I have to wake up every single time? I am finally feeling great, as if depressions were over and a new chapter in my life has begun; and then BAAAM. Reality punches me straight in the face. “You actually thought you could ever be happy? HAHAHA, forget it.” As if it had the plan to let me feel how great my life could be only to destroy all my hopes in a single second.
Reality is […]
Well, where do I start? …
It’s complicated, I don’t even know how the things got this way…
First of all, what is nihilism?.Nihilism (from the latin nihil, nothing) is an ideology, a rational way of thinking and interpreting the cosmic reality.It’s not a belief or anything like that, nihilism is based in scientific evidences and phylosophy.Science has evolved a lot, and it’s evolving even faster lately.The mysteries are but puzzles, but almost all the pieces are now found and placed, allowing us to better understand the universe that surrounds us.Cosmology, biology, quantum physics, showing us how did the universe begin and how it works, […]
I can’t figure out why that still astonishes me. Clearly i have encountered this aspect of reality, countless times… but each further encounter, with such things, continues to astonish me.
And i realize this must be some kind of “flaw” in my perception or cognition… but i just can’t seem to avoid being astonished by that, for which i’ve already seen plenty of evidence to justify a reasonable and unwavering expectation.
It’s troubling to me, even on a personal level, because i realize i shouldn’t be astonished, due to the sum total of all my experiences, and the plethora of seemingly endless evidence and indications, serving to […]
Our lies and Broken promises crossed paths
Tears and screams escaped our eyes
My love was something of nothing
a general mix of  a dream and  a reality
I let the blood drip, and My mouth water
but I did not cry aloud, for I did not need to be heard.
Thoughts, and thoughts, they fell ..but none of them, she caught
Fear surges throughout the air, the paranoia attaching to my past
She’s gone. i’m alone and the rope is tightening around my neck
Black and blue, unconscious and fine
I’ll remember, the times how you were all mine.
beautiful and sweet; wicked and cruel
It […]
Total loss of reality. What is going on. I feel pain tho, and happy sometimes. Dont want to be here anymore though.
It is 11:21 pm where I am. I know we’re all scattered all over the place so we don’t have the same time zones but…
Goodnight to those about to sleep or sleeping. I hope you all have wonderful dreams and if reality is not good, that your dreams take you as far from it. Sleep well too. I hope tomorrow would offer something better for you.
Good day to the others wide awake. I hope you get by your school, work, etc. alright. Be careful and similarly, I hope that today would have something good in store for you.
Those might be lame or annoying but I […]
There’s a fear inside of me that is ripping to get out. My heart races with every thought, my head pounds with the urge to shout. I am not in control and I don’t know how to find it. I’m living in a world where my reality is blinding. Manic and hyper I can’t satisfy the urges. I’m up and down an all around hurting. I’m dying on the inside and smiling on the out. I’m a great actress to show you what you need to see but then there’s you and for some reason you see me. That scares me a I don’t even […]
I have an innate desire to die. It is ingrained in my every thought. I feel as though I have no reason to live. I’ve suffered from depression for ten years and I’m tired that it never goes away. Through medication and therapy there is no cure. Life is meaningless. Time passes and I go through the motions. There is nothing left but to sit and wait. Trying to convince myself that things will get better or looking forward to things that don’t matter. Am I not just creating an illusion to give me a reason to keep going? Â Once that goal has passed it […]
A vast majority if my life as been spent sedate. Â This may seem like a bad thing. Perhaps it has stifled my coping mechanism. Either way the reality I the situation is this. when I was 16 I attempted Suicide. My parents foun me my stomach was pumped an I spent 9 weeks in the mental ward at the hospital, as long as another 5 months at a day treatment program. Truthfully at that time I wanted help. it seemed to me the more that I tried to use the services around me. The worse I really was, or the worse the people overseeing me […]
When you sink into your low points, the pro/con ratio presents itself. You search for reasons to stay or go. It’s pathetic that a lifetime bottles down into a risk vs. reward scenario.
My question is, do you really need a reason? Do you honestly have to maul over the burdens that make living desirable?
It can be true that most of life’s setbacks are temporary problems. But some linger and will never be resolved. When they continue to stack up and never find a working solution, hope is in decline.
So I find it’s not as simple as hovering over one reason or a couple. It’s […]
I go to sleep to escape this miserable reality, knowing damn well that I will wake up in the morning with a panic attack, resulting in a substantially worse reality than the one I escaped in the first place. After spending a painful day in this miserable world recovering from the panic attack, and very possibly not getting any work done, resulting in more anxiety, I go to sleep again to escape, et cetera.
Non existence is a perfect state, where such concerns do not exist, and nothing is known of them. Not even the idea of knowing, or the idea of an idea, is known, […]
Tears;
Droplets upon our faces
Screams;
Loud, unheard voices
Whispers;
Little nothings thrown into the wind
Smiles;
One fakes these
Laughs;
A different sound for each of us
Knives;
To cut away the pain on our skin
Pills;
A way to escape this reality of our world
Eyes;
Dark and dull, observing, watching, glaring
Ears;
They hear the insults, the screams, the voices
Mouths;
They talk, they whisper, they scream
Hearts;
They’re broken throughout the day
No one knows and no one can see. I cant cry anymore only gag and rock myself until I stop moaning the pain away. Its silly how we can fall so rapidly and just realize this once we have the pills and alcohol at the ready. How did it come to this? “I just want you to get better so you can stop hurting everyone else.” he said. Why did he say it? They sent me somewhere where I was supposed to get better. I said it made me better. In reality they blew my head off. Its terrible thing, lying. What can I do […]
i dont know anymore. i thought i could recover. i thought i can hold it in and just keep it to myself. to just keep it in all of it. all of the secrets. all of the lies. all of the masks. but i dont know. i dont know if im close to breaking all together. i dont know if im close to just going. i dont know if im close to jumping. i dont know if im backing away from the edge. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what personality is which. i dont which smile is which. i dont […]
Someone asked me that today, and I had no valid answer to give. The truth is I don’t know why, I don’t know why I have such a hard time doing the right things. I can have every reason to walk away but I always find that tiny reason to stay and I cling on to it. I can know that the situation is completely wrong and I know that I am hurting myself by clinging to that bit of hope. Yet I still hold on for dear life and I don’t truly know why. Maybe I’m afraid maybe I’m absolutely terrified of accepting the […]
I came across this piece, and found it beautifully portrayed what it is like to suffor from depression, and to be an outsider looking in.
“He inspected her. He undressed every layer of her soul and could find nothing but kindness. A fabric woven from silken dreams, compassion and understanding. She was like the moon, illuminating all that was in darkness. All darkness but her own. He began to see the thick sinking sand that swallowed her, the small pockets of air from which she could breathe. She reached out to all those that passed her, whom would only let her sink further in. Some which […]
I was once nothing. From the nothing I became something. Surely if I return to the nothing, I can once again spring into something.
Awareness is quite a weird thing really. A computer takes input, processes it, gives an output. It is never aware.
A man takes input, processes it, gives an output, and meanwhile there is this pesky thing called awareness observing the whole ordeal. A man that simply does, and does not observe while doing, makes infinitely more sense.
I wonder if it is even possible to die. Indeed, if reality constantly branches into different timelines, might it not be possible that […]
I hate when people say that, too much pseudo-science and New Age ideologies are floating around and causing people to think that their suffering is a product of manifestation that somehow, their “soul” has made a contract with before coming to earth. If you believe in that new age shit, or even Christianity, all of it is filled with lies & hypocrisy. “You create your won reality” my ass, bio centrism doesn’t prove shit.