I distract myself, i try to move away from everything but in those moments when ii dont get sleep and all i can think about is everything, that loneliness, the complete sense of failure within me and i realize that if this is life now, the future will not be any better. I’m looking for a way to end this existence because i cant continue any longer..
Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pain that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see…
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The game of life is hard to play
I’m going to lose it anyway
The losing card I’ll someday lay
So this is all I have to say.
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The sword of time will pierce our […]
You ask :” Hey how are you?”
and just for once I wish I could just say: ” I’m miserable and I wanna die. Every breath is a challenge! My loneliness is endless and there is this black hole at the bottom of my heart that seems to eat away at my soul” Oh what a load off my chest. JUST FOR ONCE, to be completely honest.
But instead I smile and I say”fine!, how are you?”
which is your cue to tell me all about your wonderful weekend. It is all you wanted anyway. I think even if I tell anyone how i truly feel, they […]
I found a picture on tumblr, and it’s pretty funny, because it reminds me of a few years ago. In that time, my breakfast also looked like that. But that picture also made me realize that I’m going back to that time…
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
You might at first have no purpose, drifting and coasting through life without a point, as though by accident. Then you might turn to religion but ultimately find it a hoas and unfulfilling. You might try to be an overachiever but it’s pointless when you realise we all finish last when we die. You might turn to art for expression but find your own attempts a facade. You might try very hard at something and realise it was meaningless, you might give up and feel even worse. You might turn to love someone or something unconditionally only to have it spit in your face in […]
Who here thinks that the very origin of their depression and suicidal thoughts lies within school? Not that the school itself actively aims at making its students depressive, but rather the fact that “natural selection” is a far stronger force between children than sympathy/ empathy. The fact that teachers cannot and will not truly help the victims of bullying and sanction the offenders.
For those of you who don’t agree with the term “natural selection”: Of course the “stronger” students will not kill off the weaker ones. But as long as there are some children who weren’t educated to be nice to one another (and it […]
The thing that make me doubt the most about killing myself… it’s that I fear I would not really get this relief feeling that I’m searching for. You know, you’re in pain, and you just don’t want to feel it anymore… but I think that when you’re dead, you don’t even realize that the pain is gone, ’cause you know, you’re not alive to feel it. If I could be guaranteed that there is something after death. That there’s another world where you can enjoy not to be alive anymore… i would be gone for a while now.
I wrote this poem today at 1:21 am. It’s about a situation that happened just before.
In all those years,
I’ve built up a defensive wall.
It’s made of a thick layer of glass,
a thick massive wall of concrete,
and a thicker immense wall of marble,
with in the core the vulnerable and breakable me.
My defensive wall is that thick and strong that nobody ever came behind the wall of concrete.
My wall of marble stayed all that time unharmed and without a scratch.
But now that’s the past,
because you came into my life.
You took your gigantic wrecking ball to break my […]
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