I’ve been cooped up at home for almost a month now. Tomorrow I am required to leave my lumpy pillow behind and dress up. What is this “outside” that many speak of? I only love that which I know, that which is familiar and comfortable. Why would I venture anywhere else? I have forgotten what that awful word represents, and confess that I have no desire to remember. T_T
New dilemma. I had another panic attack today, while at work. I was lucky enough to excuse myself so no one realized, but I don’t really remember what happened in the 20 minutes I was gone. Later on I notice my sleeve is sticking to my arm so I go to the bathroom to wash it off, thinking it was juice or something from one of my customers…nope. I had somehow cut myself. For the first time, I carved “useless” into my skin. What the hell?
This is my first post… I’m not really sure what to say or how to begin…I’m not seeking attention or guidance per say, I only feel the need to vent.
All I know is that I cannot remember the last time I truly felt happy and content in my life. I suppose I won’t go into much detail, but I guess it started when my mom went to jail for the first time a few years back.
I struggled with my life over the next few years, and I still do. But lately I’ve just felt it hard. I don’t want to continue on with my life. […]
I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have […]
Last monday marked the year mark since I tried to commit suicide, it’s been a very hard three years, somedays I just break down crying wondering how I ever got to this point in my life. I’ve been this way my whole life, I can remember suffering with depression as a child waiting to grow up thinking I would grow out of this. Thinking that the heavy sadness I felt was just a phase. It’s a sadness that has taken over my life and i wonder how different things would have been if only I had, had the courage to seek help when I was […]
I’m not really a touchy feely kind of guy but since she left I feel as I can’t continue. I’ve got 96 pills and two bottles of wine. I feel bad about doing it at my mothers but there’s really no other option. Gave the house to my ex. The last ten months and three weeks have been torture. I’ve only survived that long because of my son but I can’t do it any more. Imagine what it feels like to want to die but having to push on, I can’t go on any longer. I went to the doctors today. They told me to […]
I am so beyond lowest of low points that I have given up on everything. I couldnt be bothered showering, brushing my teeth, washing clothes even eating. I don’t sleep one day just so I can sleep through the next. I am in immense pain from my back and my rotting teeth.
I once cared so much about my health and my appearance. Where did it go wrong?
Finally my doctor is listening to me & trying to help. Why now after nearly a year of seeing him, telling him my troubles, what I want to do, does he now want to do something?
I made my very […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]
It’s like being at sea and seeing a hurricane approaching. Same feeling in the pit of your stomach, the awe at the power of the beast called nature.
It sucks when every week becomes another storm to weather. I can’t remember the last time where I wasn’t terrified.
I just want want some relief. How have I sinned to deserve this shit being thrown at me?
There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]
Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church. With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take […]
There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]
I just feel like I am the only person who really feels and thinks the way that I do. To me, everything seems like a dream, like one of these days I will wake up and things will be completely different. Who I am right now cannot possibly be the person who I once was and who I really am. Everything is hazy and I can’t remember that person clearly but I feel like I know that he exists, he’s just lost. This barely makes sense to me as a write it and I don’t think I would ever be able to explain it clearly […]
I’ve been miserable for as long as I can remember. I’m a fully-grown adult now and it’s followed me everywhere. My situation in life is a complete failure, socially and financially. Unemployed, birthday coming up and no prospects for anything. I am about to be evicted and have no plan whatsoever for the future. Everyone who knows me I am a burden on, and honestly I think the world would be better off without someone like me here. I’m worthless, so it wont matter if I’m not here anymore. I’ll be missed by a few, but they will be relieved when the nuisance that is […]
Okay so, I’m here to tell people how horrible my life is and what it feels like to be living in hell.
*WARNING I MIGHT USE SWEAR WORDS
Now let us get to the main point, I’m a middle schooler. (I’m not telling any other info about me)
I’ll put the conclusions first.
I WANT TO DIE.
We got that out of the way now, let’s get to the main main point.
It probably started like 5 years ago? Maybe 3.
I don’t clearly remember what happend and what started it but it did. My mom has mental problems.
She thinks that she’s being “stalked” and her phone/computer being […]
I only know what day of the week it is because it says it on my iPad. I’ve sat in the same chair all day long for the last couple weeks, only moving to use the bathroom, shower, or sleep. My only forays out into the world consist of the five minutes to the corner store for smokes. No one calls. No one wonders what I’m up to. No one cares if I’m still alive. I come on SP to find people who identify with me, but in truth, I find I don’t identify. I feel like I just post random comments that no one […]
Its so hard to understand something you just cant get a grip on.take life for example,it truly is a beautiful thing…but at the same time it can be so….cruel.emotions are a great subject.they make us happy and sad….angry and loving.and yet it is these very same emotions that can do so much damage.let me ask you a question.why?….why is it that we’re given happiness on a silver plater just so it can be ripped away?…why is it that this emotion called happiness is dangled in the face of those who can never have it?.To me the answer is clear…you have to fight….the happiness you may […]
The only thing more pathetic than a person committing suicide is a person that fails epically at it…
“He knows that you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.”
Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Eventually I will get into the back story on why I tried to kill myself, but not today, not up to going through the last 5 years (well really, 45 years) in detail just yet. However, I would like to share my opinion on suicide, […]
I was abused as a child. I can’t remember so many things! I have so many empty spots in my memory that I can’t deal with! I began self harming in elementary school. I haven’t been clean for longer than two weeks since. I want to die so badly! I can’t deal with the pressure from my family, the disappointment in their eyes when they look at me, knowing how much more disappointed they’d be if they found out I’m not as straight as they think. I am everything they hate. I can’t do anything right in their eyes, yet they expect so much from […]
I have been thinking about this, and so I’ll post it.
I know we all suffer terribly, and I personally think suicide is a legitimate choice that people should be allowed to make… having said this there is something that that I do have a little problem with: PRACTICING ON YOURSELF!
I just remember working on the periphery of the medical profession for many years, and people who are all carved up or who have to have their stomachs pumped every couple of months are just not taken seriously. Medical staff, social workers, group home staff just simply wear down when clients or patients or CONSUMERS (what a friend’s […]