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given up

by kateralia

I am so beyond lowest of low points that I have given up on everything. I couldnt be bothered showering, brushing my teeth, washing clothes even eating.  I don’t sleep one day just so I can sleep through the next.  I am in immense pain from my back and my rotting teeth.

I once cared so much about my health and my appearance. Where did it go wrong?

Finally my doctor is listening to me & trying to help. Why now after nearly a year of seeing him, telling him my troubles, what I want to do, does he now want to do something?

I made my very first new years resolution this year. If 2014 is not better than 2013 or if it does not give me something to live for, I am not sticking around for another year of hell.

I will take that scary plunge into the darkness.  It is scary committing suicide because nobody knows whats on the other side. Noone has cone back & told us what its like.    My sister died & was revived last month. All she could remember was that everything went black.

It is unknown whats there & that is scary, not knowing where we’re going.

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5 comments

insecure-wreck 9/1/2014 - 1:31 am

Well I’m sorry you feel that way maybe this year will be a good one I also have a lot of pain in my back n spine I too feel like giving up but things can get better I just for you to enjoy what makes u happy n not so much in pain you need to keep pushing life so you can continue I hope I helped in a way because I want to give up but I have support friends who love me n understand what I’m coming from I’m.always hurting my muscle spasms don’t help me I don’t like how I’m becoming so weak n tensed I’m over this what to do if I can’t get better I hope I helped in a way though by saying little bit about what I’m going through pain hurts n suicide is always in the back of my thoughts

DeathGreeter 9/1/2014 - 1:47 am

God! I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve been feeling. If anything, I absoultely understand what you are talking about and feels. Is like I don’t even care about anything in everything anymore, the pain is too much to handle, I know. The thought of death is scary, yes. But to me once you dead then you are dead, there’s no after life or anything. Once your soul leaves your body it will vaporize within the air, that’s just my opinion. I’m sorry. I do hope your pain could end.

copelessness 9/1/2014 - 5:40 am

So what is scarier, facing another bad year or the black of death?
I for one hope 2014 is better for you and that you don’t have to answer that question for a long time.

FreedomAndMisery 9/2/2014 - 6:58 am

There is nothing after this. Not for us anyway.
Blackness. You dont see, hear, smell, taste, feel anything. Like sleeping without dreams.
Eternal rest. Peace.

You qont go from here to there-you will just cease to exist.

I personally think that this is a good thing.
Cause whos to say that if you went to another place that it wouldnt be just as bad as here? Religious fanatics, but they’re all full of shit.

Dont fear the reaper. His job is to deliver us from our prison cells.

lifeisabitch 9/12/2014 - 4:52 am

i agree totallly….

I have three experiences in my life when i went to sudden very deep sleep…it was not coma…..but very deep sleep…..and wen i woke up it was like reminding my life …..who am i?….what is thiss ?…what is that?…what is physical experience i m feeling?….

we are feeling machines….that will shut down when we die….and i also believe it would be a very nice thing to be……to be like stones….who feel nothing….just lying idle…doing nothing.

So if u r worried about whats next……dont be…there is nothing that comes Next.

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