I feel like…Â I should tell my mom… what she has put me through… what I have contemplated/(or)contemplating… I feel like I need her to feel how I feel. Every time I think, I should get up out of bed and tell her exactly what it feels like to be put down, after already hating every inch of your body. After hating your self for what feels like so long, but still pushing yourself to extremes to make her proud… Getting the grades and staying out of trouble. AFTER BEING EVERYTHING SHE “WANTS”… she still wants more… But what does she give me in return…? […]
Tag:
Repercussions
I have been on a journey now for a few years. A journey of self-discovery is the way I like to think of it now. I began on my path through tragedy. My initial methods for dealing with this were vast; anger, denial, suppression – the usual, I think. It was only after a second life-altering event that I began to heal properly. Again, not right away. I was led into a darker existence, but I believe it has led me through to a better place now. I gave up on trying to ignore the immensely negative thoughts I had been having all along. I […]
How do you really start something you feel inside and just want to vocalize? There is really no reasoning for any of this, I have made my decision, I just feel it will take a lot off my shoulders until then. I do have those around me who I can talk to but no one I can tell what I’m really feeling and the decision I’ve made. My plan is to next week once I can afford all of the equipment and means I need necessary is to make an exit bag, buy a canister of Helium, buy a regulator with tubing, and rent a […]
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I do have a sense of relief right now, since I found this page. And I know it seems stupid that something as simple as stumbling across a website can give me any relief from the way I feel right now, but I’ll take what I can get. I feel like things couldn’t possibly be any worse, but I know thats not true at all, because they have been worse before. I suppose it is a bit comforting to be able to get this off my chest without having the repercussions that telling an actual person can […]
So many times, i have wondered, what is the meaning of life?Â
Is it to be happy?
To find love?
To make a difference?
To experience new things?
Because I’m already 15 and felt like I’ve wasted a quarter of my life.Â
So much pressure is put on exceling in academics, but what’s the point? It feels as if everyday, the only purpose of life is to do well in every test in order to get a good job. It’s as if our lives are based soley on how well to do academically, and when we fail in academics, the repercussions are horrible.
The disappointment from the family…the judgement from the teachers […]
This is my story, just need to share.
I was raped (sodomized, whatever you want to call it) a few times when I was a kid by my uncle, my grandpa knew but didn’t say anything about it. Grew up with that hanging over my head, told a few friends but all they said was, “man, that sucks.” I didn’t really expect them to say much, but nothing would be better than that. It’s the reason I don’t have a gf, I’m afraid that that abuse will carry over. My parents got divorced when I was 7, dad remarried shortly after that to a […]
My thoughts of suicide started when I was 13 years old.
 I made a friend through a connection with another friend, and she was awesome (at first). I found out a month into our friendship that she did drugs. I encouraged her to stop, but since she was 5 years older than me she was too self- absorbed to listen. So, one night she slept over my house, and curiosity got the best of me, and I tried the drugs. It was… wonderful, to say the least. So more ‘sleepovers’ were planned afterwards. If I can recall correctly, it was about the third time she slept […]
I canceled my next appointment with my shrink. I feel as if I’ve given up on myself already. I started cutting again and it feels amazing to wake up from such blankness. That apathy, mind over matter. However, the tolerance is already building; fast this time. I’m already running the cuts under hot water for the extra wake up sensation.
What is it about our society that makes us fear and hate death so much? We are brainwashed, conditioned to value life and disapprove of death.
Maybe it’s because we are born selfish and our actions are primarily done in self interest. For example, let’s say I […]