Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
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Just a song I found that expresses how I feel towards my sister:
You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
*Song: Afraid by The Neighbourhood*
many times have i told myself that i will succeed in life and be a good person but there’s that voice in my head that bullies me from day in and day out. “you’re no good.”,”that girl is laughing at you right now for being such a retard.”,”Why are you even alive?” questions just flow through my head like nothing. i don’t understand how people expect me to succeed academically when i cant get my mind straight. I get it that school should be my only focus right now but at the same time how can i focus when i have therapy after school, […]
I have no bonds with people. I’ve been abused and alienated. Deep depression, constant migraines, always tired, can’t concentrate or think straight, memory issues. I’m chronically stressed. People are just rude and hateful and judgmental and prejudice. I’m in a town with very little opportunity literally just a dozen different places to work, with no transportation. I’m living in poverty which means basic needs go unmet. It sucks everyday is a struggle. Nobody to help me out, don’t qualify for state benefits.
I’m at a crossroads now
I either die
Or I find a way to live
I better just sleep on it
I’m not in a good mind set right now
right now……I want this to be over!
…right now….I want this to be over….
I tried killing myself on valentines day I took Zoloft (antidepressants) but I only felt like I was going to pass out and my dad found out a few days later when he saw there were no more pills left.He was mad at me and said that what I did was stupid and was kinda yelling at me and said if I went back to the (Lakeside) mental facility that he would just let me stay there.Yesterday I went to the store and got some sleeping pills.Everyone is acting like everything is all my fault like my dad is mad at me for wanting to […]
8th grade was when it all started. It started in the middle of that year. My dad & I were fighting. He told me that the reason he tried to kill himself was because of me. At that time I started to believe it was me cause of the way I treated him. His mental health issues at that time were up & down. In previous years he was overdosing with his prescription meds which led to him getting into a car accident with me & he also fell down the stairs. Some other things happened like he ran into a tree with […]
I fell apart today leaving work…
It was a bad day and it left me feeling hollow inside when I walked out the door and you weren’t there to hug me and tell me that everything would be okay. I’ve met some good people, and someone our story has saved some of them…but I still don’t understand why you have to be gone forever. It just isn’t fair. I know life isn’t usually fair…but this is just such a cruel fate that I don’t know if I’ll ever completely heal, especially not when every little thing rips the wounds right open again. Having all the […]
I fell apart today leaving work…
It was a bad day and it left me feeling hollow inside when I walked out the door and you weren’t there to hug me and tell me that everything would be okay. I’ve met some good people, and someone our story has saved some of them…but I still don’t understand why you have to be gone forever. It just isn’t fair. I know life isn’t usually fair…but this is just such a cruel fate that I don’t know if I’ll ever completely heal, especially not when every little thing rips the wounds right open again. Having all the […]
Crazy thing is I feel so alone yet I’m surrounded by people. I feel like noone understands me or what I’m going thru. I went thru a recent break up and she won’t move out. It kills me every time I see her and can’t hold her or do the things we once did. I did my best to push her away and now I want her. Crazy right?!
It seems like I’ve posted something like this before. Hmm…
At first, I had this long disclaimer about how this post was one big pity party…but then I realized that many, many posts could be interpreted as such…So anyway…
I was reading some other thread, and came across this comment:
“I understand if you want something done you have to do it yourself.”
Which is true enough; at the very least, you could set the ball rolling, could you not? But then again, there’s this thing from greek mythology about a god, called Sisyphus, who is compelled to roll an enormous bolder […]
Heard a song on the radio earlier, the lyrics were – ‘i want to get away, i want to fly away’
It made me think, how many of us want to just get away from it all, i know i do everyday. Just to leave all the pain and sadness  and never look back.
I suppose it’s a nice dream for when things get dark.
I’m sitting here looking out this window, watching the world pass by. I see people driving by, working, laughing and holding hands the truth is I feel nothing but emptiness. I feel alone, I feel like a failure, like a nobody. The fucked up part is that I’m staring out this window thinking of you and wondering if I even slightly cross your mind. But I know you aren’t your thinking of yourself, and me I’m thinking of how I failed you. I can’t save you and it’s killing me, I want to die because I’m worthless. It’s over for me because I couldn’t do […]
I’ve met somebody online..
This person is making me feel better than anyone ever did before. This person has an endless capacity to love people. This person is stronger than anyone I met before. This person is positive and happy right now. Maybe ’cause she knows her time will come soon ? I don’t know that, but it’s surprising how a terminally ill person can make me wanna live.
I wish she could stay alive. But maybe she wouldn’t be the same person, and I need to enjoy her “presence” while she’s still there.
I was born disabled. My disability is not something that can be seen physically, or even be cured medically. At first I didn’t recognize my differences from others. But all my life I have been feeling it, and even unconsciously struggling to mend it. I was so confused because I didn’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I thought by knowing what’s wrong with me, I could cure it. But I had never understood, so I gave up and started to accept that I would always be like this. Turn out, I was wrong and I was right. I was wrong because even knowing what’s […]
Will sleeping pills with alcohol kill me- going into deep (painless) sleep style?
by caillte
written by caillte
You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!
Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.
I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]
Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,
the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.
Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,
those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.
We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,
but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.
I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,
it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.
You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,
I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.
And yet everyday I wake […]
I need you right now
Because you’re all I have