So many things have changed. My best friend/cousin is dead. My relationship is deteriorating. Every night it’s the same. I think of her and how I wish she was still alive and how I want to be dead. It should have been me instead of her. Everything right now is such a mess. School. Friends. My relationship. I don’t eat right. All I have been thinking about is death. It’s been a year now with these thoughts. Maybe more time. My daydreams are about suicide, how I’d do it and when..
Suicide- I’ve thought of it before. They say it’s never the answer. The answer to what? To the struggle? To the pain? They’ll tell you that it gets better with time. But what if, in an attempt to make life better, or be patient, we went up messing up even more? It is really easy to give advice. But the truth is, that no one knows what we are feeling except us. We are afraid, of what life holds for us. It may be better, but it may also get worse. This ‘may’ starts us off. We can’t take the risk. Really, suicide is the […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]
I think the hardest problem I’m facing right now is the fact that life got better, I was doing ok, and now, back to this feeling of incredible nothingness, the void that stays in my heart even when things seem to be all right.
NO one wants me in their life, really. Â I started talking to my mom again, found out she and my dad were getting a divorce, and all of it is good because for years they have stayed together and it was making them miserable. Â I reconnected with them, and I got a room mate to help me with the bills. Â I got […]
tempted
to write
my own feelings
but can i? no.
atlas i cannot write down
what i am feeling right now
why can i not? why can’t i?
so many things, people, cares, worries, frets, etc
maybe its good to bottle things up and lie
how am i? how am i doing? how are you?
i reply with, i’m fine.” i wish i could tell the truth
maybe someday i will be able to over come my fears, and tell
the real, down to earth, truthful, honest truth about how i really, truthfully feel
…or the best, depending on how you look at it. The humans who work here are as sterile, apathetic and sickening as the bleached walls. It’s funny, nature documentaries talk about how animals adapt the appearance of their surroundings as some sort of camouflage. Believe it.
Not even talking about myself, I can’t believe how many sorry saps are in here begging and pleading for help, and all they get are cold, apathetic sneers from the staff. “Stop whining or we’ll really make you suffer” is what their tyrannical stares say.
I’m sure there are a thousand ways to die in the hospital. Just looking around my […]
let me go
why do you care
just let me go
please
i might need to go
i feel suicidal right now
can i turn to you
no not really
you’re busy
and i can’t
because you’re depressed too
and you come before me
and i dont matter
so let me go
i dont know
why you care
maybe you do
maybe you dont
how should i know?
I’m tired of it all. Tired of everything. im sickand tired of hoping, of trying, of fighting foranything anymore. I don’t see the point. I’mtired of people saying things get better, sayingthat xyz will happen just be patient. I’m tired of people not understanding-of just saying I’m overreacting to little things. I’m tired of notfitting in, I’m tired of hating myself, I’m tired ofhating people, I’m tired of hating life. I’m tired of everything in life being sugar coated, I’m tired of the lies, I’m tired of false hopes. I don’t want to do it anymore. im just so tired and done with everything. i don’t want to think anymore. i don’t want to be me, i dont want tolive life, i dont want to be in this life or this world. im tired of just trying to keep myself from reaching an actual point where im ready to follow through with suicide.
i dont want to be. i just want it all to stop. idon’t want to deal. i wish i could just putmyself in a self-induced coma. i dont want tobe stuck alone anymore in this body with mythoughts trapped in this world. i cant do itanymore…i dont even know why im not throughouly suicidal right now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done
Honestly, I’m not much of a writer so I will apologize ahead of time. I truly just want my feelings to heard. There is only a few people that know what I have been going through and yet they still sit back and do nothing. Sure, they express there concern for me and say, “It’s not worth it” or “I know how you are feeling” or “Give it time, it will pass”. Okay, it may not be worth it looking from your eyes, but to me it is. THAT’S WHY I’M SO UPSET! IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely no […]
I won’t be on this suicide blog anymore but
for those of you still arguing why I survived let me tell you the reasons.
First, the powder was pure.
Second, I sent the SMS before I ingested it.
Third, the girl to whom I sent the message knew exactly what I was going to take.
Fourth, she told the ambulance right after.
Fifth, I was in a hotel central in Prague. The ambulance was there almost immediately.
Sixth, I was brought to the best clinic in Czech Republic.
Seventh, they knew what to do. Articifical breathing, stomach pumped, the right medication, infusions etc.
Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]
Hi Guys,
I guess my life is getting too boring to keep writing these things… So sorry… I might not continue this… I don’t know… So… Might not continue with this… Sorry.
Normal day routine.. Get up and stuff. Except one of my friends and I got into this little mini fight about my weight and I just don’t know. I mean I just don’t know guys… I just… I’ve never liked how I looked. I never loved what my body shape was. And now I’m expected to suddenly love it? And I just don’t know guys…
And ugh. One of my friends just keep threatening me […]
The worst part about being on the receiving end of pain, is that sometimes yer smart enough to notice why. Sometimes that makes it better, because you notice reluctance, guilt, sadness. Other times you notice self-indignat anger, disgust, fury, & and a little hatred.
But mostly, one can’t help but notice that people don’ think they’re hurtin’ ya. Actually, they don’t even look at ya. That’s the worst kind. The frigid silence that makes one feel small, the eyes that will not notice, and the title-looking. That’s what I hate most. We all have titles. They float over our heads, self-given, peer-given, mentor-given, lovingly given. But […]
I found this website when I Googled ‘suicide starvation’. Some sick part of me wants to thank the people who’ve written about such topics, as I’ve never found a website that made me feel so secure before. Reading the stories and other bits on here has given me a new light to look to. One where I’m not as alone as I once believed to be.
I don’t have much else to say right now. Now’s not the time to share my story, and I’m doubtful of anyone wanting to be bothered with that anyway. It seems we all have our own problems to deal with […]
That moment when u don’t know if what you want today is what you actually want or what todays brain chemistry is telling you that’s what you want and if tommorrows brain chemistry will tell you the same thing or the exact opposite, in such a case do you take half if it or sack up and drink beer untill everything becomes not thing more than something to piss against, prehoas dogs have the right idea. They sniff something to see if its interesting then they piss on it and keep going.. Perhaps that’s where humanity has gone wrong
I feel so alone.
I know im not though, im surrounded by friends, a thing many people wish for and want.
But i feel so dead inside, I don’t feel happy underneath that grin. I act like a joking clown and don’t take many things seriously. In return, when i am serious, they don’t take regard of it and over look it as one of my jokes. I’ve tried telling them that i hurt, that im sad and pitiful and it makes me hate myself because i don’t deserve pity but, once again, they brush it off and walk away. I act like a hero when i […]
hey guys, just do some errands and get off from this planet
planet earth is so screwed, it is no more the right place for people like us
it’s been stinking from billions of years and billions of humans made it more worsen
” Just hold OOON for 80 years, you are free to go”
It’s one of those mornings that you wake up. Wake up numb. Numb and empty. I can’t even make sense of my thoughts right now, because there are none, but, at the same time, too many things are rushing through my head.
I feel nothing, I feel loneliness, I hate myself for missing him like this. The numbness stabbing at my heart. He’s done enough, don’t be stupid.
I woke up with that feeling of knowing that your voice might break if someone makes you talk right now. But I don’t want them to know I’m dying little by little inside, fear and insecurity taking over me.
Stare […]
23 year-old Evelyn McHale jumped from the 83rd floor of the Empire State Building and landed on a United Nations limousine, 1947.
I considered doing this when I was 14. Â My father, his sister, and some cousins have committed suicide. Â I wanted to many times. Â I’m not suffering now, but periodically still have a bout with depression, which I think is partly chemical. Â Â I’ve included some of the posts attached to the photo when I found it.
pjch Jeremy
• 4 months ago
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This picture of […]
Wandering the world aimlessly, I continue to descend, faster and faster as I feel the wind in my hair. I see all the faces along the way, all the hurt, all the desires, all the love, all the moments. Little moments in each box, like presents waiting to be opened on Christmas morning. Presents that will be lost for all eternity. Deeper and deeper I dive into my slumber, into the depths of my mind, the depths of my soul, into the center of the earth and beyond. Everything engulfs me and swallows me whole and I become one once again. Each time I dream […]