Taken from Robert Crumb’s Plunge Into The Depths […]
Tag:
righteous
I’d like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your day to read this. I, like most writers, write as a means of expression, but to have my writing viewed by you is even more rewarding, for my thoughts are then able to be shared and acknowledged.
You may or may not have been a previous reader of mine, but for many years I wrote these blogs, and upon completion of each of them I was always able to derive from them a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. To read people’s feedback was equally rewarding, as […]
Faced some harsh truths this weekend. I’m probably just as, if not more heartless than I perceive those around me. The deep angry hatred for everything is growing. I’m conflicted. How can I be so full of hate and be so empty?
I’ve committed some unspeakable atrocity. In the name of self righteous vengeance. The sad reality, I’m not capable of hating anyone more than I hate myself.
My, wife, surely abuses me. But I guess I deserve it. I’m a terrible person. I’ve done and do despicable things. I have nothing good to give anyone.
I tried to kill myself long before her. I will again whether […]
My life has never been a happy one. At least, not for me. I have no idea why I had to be such a miserable person. Why I had to be perpetually afraid, miserable, feel completely alone, and live in utter anguish. I don’t feel I did anything to deserve it. In fact, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am owed something, that I deserve more, that I am better than what’s happened to me. But, it doesn’t make a difference how I feel, or what I do to demand the world give me a fair shake, because in the […]
I am not depressed. Or so I’m told anyway. Great stuff. Except that doesn’t relieve the crushing weariness which makes everyday life unbearable.
Aparently I cannot be depressed as my semi conscious, morose state isnt constant. No, I have days of energetic, paranoid agitation; bizarre periods of un-lucidity in which nothing seems as real as it should and believe it or not, some days of relative normality. Unfortunately however, accordong to some of the small army of doctors ive seen, the presence of these other states exempts me from any kind of medical inerest or help. They were not […]
Covering your ears to prevent the assault of my screams
You don’t want to acknowledge the betrayal
Just the self righteous smile plastered smugly on your face
Now it’s time for the tables to turn
Time for you to feel how badly this burns
Through my heart, through my soul
And now that all is lost, especially my self control
I want you to know my pain
I want you to feel it dripping down your face
I want you to taste it on your lips
I hope you like what you see
Because you’re the one that did this to me
I’ve been grappling for weeks. This isn’t my first time down this path, I’m a pro at weathering them (but for an attempt in my early 20s when I didn’t know better). Â Right now I’m losing the battle. Â I’ve decided to concede, if nothing else for the peace it instantly brings me. Â But two things are really pissing me off about this right now.
1. Â Someone cares, pick up the phone, call them, they’re all going to be so devastated when you go, blah blah blah. Â Screw that. They all know. Â They know I’m a mess. Â Granted they’re not mind-readers, they don’t know that I’ve crossed […]