let me first say hello to those who know me and know that I am well..
I know that I haven’t posted here in a while but I feel it is in need for me to post.. I am here because well I have not found that reason yet and well I do not plan on it. My story is complex and no one seems to understand that it will never get better for me. I know that it had been a long road for me and I have been fighting for so long to keep on going and well I think that my fight is […]
to end it. this my only goal now. i failed before but i hope this time it takes. i will not stop trying until i succeed. there is no argument to sway me or pill to save me. this is the only place i have to say goodbye, so goodbye.
I think I’m poison. I made it through the holidays through sheer will and maybe some kind of grace. But now…it’s a new year and so, yeah…what now, right? I’m just breathing and I even forget to do that sometimes. It’s like I’m waiting on something. Holding my breath. Expectant. And I guess that is kind of hope, right? So there is that. And there is my kid. Who is…well, everything. But then there is all of the other stuff which is big and small and there’s me who messes up and I have honestly begun to think maybe I am poison.
All my life I […]
Ive been suicidal for a while. Absolutely no one knows.And i want to keep it that way so that if i actually go through with i t, no one will stop me this time. Ive attempted it once before, i drank a cup of bleach and had been unconscious for awhile until my mom found me. I am beginning to get those urges again. I had been clean of cutting for about a month until tonight. I think i might try suicide again.. but use a rope.. so its quite, and once i do it, no one can save me. Any other quick ideas?
It’s over. I lost the only one who was able to save me from my loss. I am definitely a monster I destroyed him and his life. I know he loved me, he cared about me, he was so good to me. I screwed up every thing.. I wish I could be another person, a normal person without depressed reactions. Want to die so hard right now. Please kill me..
At the begining it was only to see if it would hurt as much as i was hurting inside. After, it became like an addiction. It pinched my skin and a soft line of blood ran down my skin. It felt wonderful. I didn’t know what real love is and didn’t have a single friend. So who would care?
It’s been 3 years now that I self harm and struggle with depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but each time i woke up in a hospital…alive. I thought these pills and alcohol would save me from this fucked up world but it was only […]
I’m trying to organize things before I committ suicide. (I was thinking of saying, “do it” or “take the big sleep” or something, but there’s no point in talking around it- my plan is to commit suicide, plain and simple). This will probably be part 1, since I’m sure I’ll think of other things to do.
1. Most important and I know the hardest. Write my son a letter and tell him how very very proud I am of him. Honestly, I’m crying now just thinking about it. He’s 18 now, a man, and a fine one- so at least that’s one thing I did […]
Sample xx06
On to the next sound, cure my ailment, my illness
Forever a shattered machine
Let me drink the liquid and party on
What can I do, what can I do
I need the bounty, together unity
From the depths of a darkness
Je suis Albator from the bottom of the world
Throw me off the precipice, leap of faith or perish
Who can save me, who can save me
Back, up to the North
By the fire, by the fire, and our claws and silver
I haven’t drank cold gold-beer my entire life
Let me glide, escapade into higher-grounds
A grand a month, into […]
Idk what to say…I guess I’ll talk about what made me the way I am. I’ve been suicidal and a cutter since I being the youngest of ten kids I could never speak up about how I felt. Who’d listen? I was being molested by my big brother…the family secret. When I was ten I finally tried telling my mom what was happening, she promised to make it stop…it didn’t. Every night I’d be in bed and wake up and feel my brother’s hand going up my nightgown. I would kick him to make him go away….I didn’t dare scream for fear my parents would […]
I have a block deep in my mind.
Not as simple as to describe as a writers block or an artists block.
No.
This block is much different. It cannot be fixed by just walking away and coming back later.
My block is purely mental.
I cannot feel happiness.
Now let me make something clear. It’s not that I do not wat to feel happiness. It’s that I physically cannot.
It feels like I am empty. Like someone has ripped my heart and lungs out.
I am drowning in myself.
And I dont think there is any escape.
Someone save me.
Don’t go, I can’t do this on my own, save me from the ones that haunt me in the night I can’t live with myself, so stay with me tonight.
The impact from my chest caving into itself has created the waves that return when my mental state goes out of balance. I’m so lonely it hurts. I used to be so strong and uninterested in love. Now, I find myself thinking it’s the only thing left in the world that will save me.
I have a sort of big decision to make relatively soon. I hate change, I hate it so much, but it would save me money. I just don’t know how comfortable I’d feel living this way, with other people, when I’m already the world’s most passive push-over. I also pace a lot and need room and time to do that, so I don’t think that the other people I would be living with would like that. I’d also hate for them to figure me out and realize how I truly feel, how dead inside I am and how much this existence bothers me. I don’t […]
I’m turning 21 in a month. I’ve felt this way, at least to some degree, as long as I remember. Everyone always tells me “time heals all”. I don’t feel like anything has been healed. I’m stuck. The only way to discribe how I’m feeling is I’m in a clear box full of water, literally drowning in my own tears, but there is no way out. I can see everyone that I care about and people who care about me and those who say they do.. they are living their lives but all causally glancing over at me. Because they’ve all tried to “fix ” […]
I wanted to thank people at this site who have been so kind to me.
I have been diagnosed, at least in the past, with recurrent major depression. What makes it worse are the moments when I’m flying high, and I feel like I can accomplish all this stuff. Then I get anxious, and the anxiety transforms into a deep depression.
I have made it out of bed once today. No one can save me, and no one can even tell me what is wrong. I’m an adult, but I cannot seem to function like one. Actually, I can’t even function much like a human being anymore. […]
I’m 46. I’ve lived half of my life already. I’ve been reading through some of the posts, getting an idea of the thoughts – no surprises really. I have been in the place I am now for about 9 months, and off and on over the last 31+ years. That’s a long time to carry burdens.
I do have grown children. Children. The big debate. I did read a post from someone left behind who in an obvious state of anger blamed the departed for leaving them behind selfishly. I have to say there is absolutely no way to assure those that will be left behind […]
I ran out of lives
Down and under, and only
Can no longer, then what now
Is the end and the beginning
Only coming back, by myself
If you could be of divine
My Princess, will you save me
A fish, where does the water
This one is for you, my Mermaid
I am, the Eternal Morlock.
.. The end.
I don’t know if I’m more mad at him or myself for finally trusting so quickly. Being so naive. Every last bit of my insides are screaming at me. “You’re stupid! You shouldn’t have trusted another human being!”
The basis of what happened? I let this guy in. I met him here at college, confided in him. Showed him my scars. He kissed them. I thought he was growing to care for me. It happened. He got in my pants. He had his way with me and I wanted it too. I believed he would stay when it was all over.
He didn’t. I was damaged as […]
In March 2014, I was sent to the mental ward for suicidal thoughts. Here is my experience.
One day, I had an appointment with my doctor, during which we discussed my depression. He asked me if I ever attempted suicide. I said yes, and told him about the previous day, when I had tried to hang myself but was interrupted by my dad. My doctor told me to promise not to try again. My response was, “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” With that, he walked out the room without a word. He was gone for a long time-at least half an hour. Suddenly, the […]
I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.
I hope that something can save me.
I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose […]
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