I just need a break. I so long for relief. The diagnoses just continue to pile up. Anorexia, Bulimia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Â Getting up the simple will to live is an exhausting task. The mood swings, the voices, the weight gain they’re forcing me to have, the constant abandonment of friends and family. They think they have it hard dealing with me. They have no clue. They don’t see my pain, only theirs. I feel given up on. I’ve given up on myself. I don’t want to die, but I just know that I can’t be saved.
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saved
I’ll start with my earliest memory of running around my living room while people where drinking and taking drugs the last thing I remember is being put back to bed by a junkie. My mum always used to beat me from time to time. When I was around 7 she meet a guy called Stephen. She would give him money when there was no food in the house and I had nothing to eat I would go to my grans who lived around the corner from me to get some of her biscuits to try and kill the hunger as I would go days without […]
I have always been alone, lack of social life, have only 3 actual friends that I don’t want them to worry too much. My family would mock me for my thoughts and caused me to regret many choices. I have always been questioning what I actually wanted to do, but I don’t know. I suffer from fear, day to day endlessly. I fear about my future, what’s my point in living? I lack confidence indeed, but I truly don’t have any special skills. It was all fine to me, I can shed a few tears at night and get over all of my sadness and […]
have a nice social buzz going what better time to reach out? today is an anniversary of sorts for me. one year ago today i got felt up by a cop in front of an office full of people. checking for the gun i had recently purchased. in my state i had to wait 3 days to get it. so therefore i didn’t have it yet. the whole incident was traumatizing. and in after thought was a mistake. should have learned to keep my mouth shut. i really don’t know what i was hoping to accomplish. my stay at the nut hut was a waste […]
I just told my sister… Well she’s not really my sister but we call each other sisters… well anyway I just told her why she really means so much to me. She saved my life an I swear she’s saved it more than once but this one time was the biggest impact on me. I don’t think she fully understood why she means so much but I think she will now! I love her so much and I don’t think even you could understand why.
“maby i should just let the sun engulf to world” said the god of man kind filled with a pashion for life but he did not have time for a evil race to the girl siting next to him “but if you give up it meens that you will never over come your proplem” the god looked at the girl and smilled “this is true” he says and reterns to wach theerth tern the towns and citeys sending up a yellow light on the night side but on the other green and blue could clerely be seen the question is when is the line to scrap it all and take the […]
In four days, it will all have been an entire year.
One year since I nearly commited suicide.
One year since I found my girlfriend here and she saved me.
And it’s that date, 27th of January, that I chose to make my final decision: Wether to live, or to die.
really quick recap of my life so far: I’m 17 years old. I’ve never been really a happy child and have a mother who expects a lot of me (though that has gotten better for some reason). My dad is a weird old person who lost his dad when he was twelve and his sister to […]
I haven’t told anyone this just because it’s hard for me, and no one has really cared to ask but it’s okay. I’m only posting this here because we’re all alike and we don’t judge each other.
I never really have been a kid with friends, not until this year. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t because I was antisocial. I was and still am the exact opposite. always making people laugh, smiling, and talking to people, but other than that, I was pretty much always ignored, and I was “the girl who most people like but doesn’t have any friends.” And let me tell […]
I can no longer count the number of friends and family that have committed suicide on one hand.
The pain in knowing i’ll never see these people again is the biggest emotional hurt. I can no longer see their beautiful smiles or hear their voices. I’d like to share one particular suicide which I learned a lot from.
I was 15 at the time. Only 15. We stayed over at a friends house after a party along with many other people. I woke up in the morning to find one of my gorgeous, lovely and amazing friends having hung herself off the deck. To this day the […]
not sure where to start. my parents took me to sunday school when i was real little, but i never really understood anything i learned. i stopped going, and in middle school i stopped believing in christ. one of the biggest mistakes i ever made. in october 2009 i was going out with a girl named bella. she was, and is to this day, the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. what got me was her eyes. she had deep, intense green eyes. and such a sweet voice. no matter what i was feeling, she always made me feel happy. loved. i loved her […]
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