if I committed suicide…
I wonder how many
gasps,
cries,
screams,
tears,
or words will be spoken as a sign of love.
But them I remembered…
It’s 2:30 am and I’m
alone,
tired,
scared,
sore,
and silently screaming for help no one really
notices,
cares,
thinks,
shows any sort of affection.
if I commit suicide…
please don’t say you
loved me,
missed me,
cared for me ,
or found beauty within me,
or I should’ve tried harder.
Because […]
After playing video games for a while I decided to take a nap and I had a nightmare about my time in the hospital and I ended up waking everyone up with my screaming (I occasionally talk in my sleep) and my mother keeps bringing it up… I told myself that I would stop cutting but again I failed :p I suck but whatever. Hey at least I admit it! 🙂 Anyway I’ve decided to kill myself but I keep pushing it back. I don’t know when but I don’t want it to be spontaneous because then i’ll make a mistake and have […]
Reaching out but never caught.
In plain sight but never seen.
Screaming for the attention,
the one that will never come.
But if it ever does,
it’s too late;
For I am gone.
Shouting for freedom,
hoping for a savior.
The wind whispers,
of Love…of Acceptance.
Blank faces stare back,
forever judging,
forever laughing.
For I am gone.
No more crying,
please; For me.
No more loneliness,
no more regret.
Darkness…Light,
they both look the same.
For I am gone,
For I am alone.
Why should I keep living? Why should I keep waiting? Why should I keep going? Why should I go on? Why should I keep screaming? Why should I keep crying? Why?
Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,
the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.
Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,
those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.
We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,
but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.
I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,
it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.
You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,
I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.
And yet everyday I wake […]
Adjusting to the lights dimming
Adjusting to the hurt
Adjusting to the hopelessness
Adjusting to the lies
Adjusting to the late night cries
Adjusting to the mental pain
Adjusting to the terrible images
Adjusting to the temptation
Adjusting to the suicidal feelings
Adjusting to the suicidal thoughts
Adjusting to being alone again
Adjusting to being hurt again
Adjusting to being lied to again
Adjusting to being left again
Adjusting to being ignored again
Adjusting to being not cared for again
Adjusting to being something that doesn’t matter again
Adjusting to being a nobody
Adjusting to being just a fake
Adjusting to being nothing but a lie
Adjusting […]
Why after all of these years must these thoughts return?
The dark urges screaming for pain,
Begging for the split skin and spilt blood.
Purifying my soul.
Why after all of these years have they returned?
The voices screaming silently in my head,
Screeching their displeasure at my joy.
Burying my pain.
Why after all of these years must they be heard?
The drip, drip of blood spilling on tile,
The scent of it rising in the air,
To cleanse my mind.
busy myself
to distract
from the
terrible thoughts
busy myself
to distract
from the
sadness, depression
busy myself
to distract
from the
suicidal thoughts
busy myself
to distract
from the
saddening images
busy myself
to distract
from the
screaming voices
I need help. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sick of life. I don’t want to live. It’s like I’m screaming and no one can hear me. I am so depressed. I have people at school who hate me. This one boy I have liked for ages said to me that if I’m happy he’ll go out with me, I’ve got no chance now.. I need a reason to be happy, a reason to smile, a reason to enjoy life, a reason to wake up on a morning, but so far I can’t find a reason.. Please can someone help me, it’s my only hope, […]
So in my family, my parents are very crazy about what  I wear not my brothers just me. I have to wear long sleeved shirts and long pants no shorts no low cut shirts no tight clothing which I mean isn’t really bad but it gets annoying when I see all these girl in different styles and I can only wear long pants and long shirts(the shirts also have to fully cover my butt) I can’t wear high heels or make up and my  dad freaks when I do. Today I wore a shirt with a. V neck and my dad went ballistic he said […]
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