Life was new
All to see; all to hear
All to feel, all was real
Then there was a bend in the road
The stars come out
With wonders and thrills
Miracles and spectacles
Then another bend in the road
Dreams and love
Hands in hands
An embrace; a kiss
And yet another bend in the road
Time and age
Love is now rage
Peace becomes pain
Then again, a bend in the road
No path remains clear
No wonder just fear
Seeds have been sown
Now, my load is end of the road.
I’m suicidal for three years straight. I’m a victim off bullying, I cut, I have no friends, I love the wrong person and I have no perspectives in life. I tried to kill myself by overdosing and cutting veins but it didn’t work.
I want to combine jumping, drowning and poison in my last seconds of life. I want to do all of this at night. Here the European Yew grows wild in the parks. My aim is to collect several hundreds of seeds and about 200 grams of fresh leaves, mash it and ingest it. It will make me die of cardiac arrest. […]
What I Wish I’d Known Five Years Ago – Finn Butler
“
I know the heart is a heavy thing
and if today you managed to lift it
a few inches off the ground,
I am proud.
You need to understand that there are no turning points.
Your life is not a movie and your fears will not disappear
as soon as someone loves you back. There are only moments
when the glimmer of light you are chasing seems closer
than the darkness that is always chasing you but in these moments
every single thing has been worth it.
And I know sometimes you only want it […]
Oh lonely flower, where do your seeds go?
Oh lonely flower, may you forever grow.
Oh lonely star, how bright is your light?
Oh lonely star, blending in with the night.
Oh lonely boy, where have you hidden your scars?
Oh lonely boy, keep faith in your heart.
Oh lonely moon, why do they sleep when you rise?
Oh lonely moon, if only they saw the tears in your eyes.
Oh lonely world, where are the friends?
Oh lonely world, I must make this end.
Has anybody tried Yew seeds or leaves?
I want to be sufficient. I want to do something that matters.
I hate money, and I hate having to need it. I’ve decided I don’t want to go back to school, and I’m OK with that choice. My family thinks I’m crazy, though. If I do go back to school, it won’t be for computer science, even though I have only a few credits left to get a degree.
I like things how I like them. I don’t want a career. I don’t want an occupation. I don’t want a suburban lifestyle.
I want something more self-sufficient. A plot of land somewhere so I can maybe start […]
No! I am not a lycanthrope!
Now that that is out of the way…
Here is an example of the source of all my problems, as well as the source of happiness in my life. You’ll probably be confused by that statement, but if you lived with it for a while, you’d understand.
So today I went out back to water my rows of tobacco plants. I did that methodically, one at a time, from left to right. I checked on the progress of my seedlings, watered those, then I took a walk around the yard and inspected the other individual plants growing there; I looked at the […]
I’m listening to a song as I work on my project. I do 3D modelling for personal release even if it isn’t comeplete. I’ve been working on an eye since eyes are another thing I’ve drawn well that hasn’t stopped. Eyes see everything even what they brain doesn’t process. Pain, happniess, sadness, weakness, strength joy, it see the world and what you see is reflected in them when the camera captures you in a freeze.
My eyes see the blurr frm tears that won’t fall. I’m still doing anything to distract myself because I have no real hope anymore. Just a passive motion. I’m […]
So after much (or not) thought, I’ve decided to just go through with it. I’m going to eat my 50 monkshood seeds and see where I go. It seems this is the only viable option now. It’s either that or the 350 nightshade seeds, but Erowid turned me off from the nightshade since it seems to trip you up instead of actually killing you. I’m shaking with fear at the thought of the pain to be honest. All accounts I’ve read from poison plants have been extremely painful, so I’m worried that I might end up screaming, which might alert my neighbours, so I’ma do […]
It was my job to keep my phone by my side…my best friend AKA my brother made it clear that he would call ME, if anyone, if he contemplated suicide. At 9;43PM May 8, 2010, I called him and left a message about the Mother’s Day celebration the following day. In a heavy sleep, I missed a phone call at 6AM from a restricted number. Come 8AM, there was a knock at my door. My girlfriend (I was in a gay relationship at the time) answered the door and came back to bed to inform me that my mother and aunt were there. First thought-SHIT, […]
First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.
I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.
Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.
Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]
Please log in to report posts